Tuesday Funnies
PHOTOBOMB!!!!!!!!!!
LEARN FROM MY FAIL
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Your secretary's boobs are not appropriate topics of conversation when at dinner with your wife. In ANY context. #LFmyhusband'sF
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Never, under any circumstances, have a strap-on, a child, and dinner guests under the same roof. Your four-year-old daughter WILL show everyone her 'unicorn hat.' #LFMF
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Turn off free-standing fan in kitchen. Open flour canister. In that order. #LFMF
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Just because the last 4 nights your trash was torn up by opposums does not mean that tonight, when you run outside screaming with a super soaker to scare them away, it will still be those opposums you originally saw. This time it will be a skunk. #LFMF
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TFLN:
(802):
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting 'library' to 'ovary'.
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(307):
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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(631):
He gave them shots of purell and called it 'acid rain' jello shots. They took them.
(205):
I hate freshman.
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(949):
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
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(405):
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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(301):
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
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FML:
Today, I baked caramel slices. Pulling the biscuit base out of the oven, a loud noise startled me so much that I dropped the tray. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, knowing the results of my cooking were destroyed by the sound of my dad's fart. FML
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Today, my daughter got engaged. Her fiancé is not only 25 years older than her, but was her teacher in middle school. FML
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Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML
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the end
