TUESDAY HA-HA'S (12/7/10)
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If you want to occupy a building to protest against student fees, make sure not to choose the only building on campus without a toilet. Your bladder size will get to control your determination. #LFMF
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If you have a small shower be very careful when showering with your girlfriend. An accidental elbow to the eye is no fun, and neither are the dirty looks her family members will give you when you meet them later that day. #LFMF
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DayQuil. NyQuil. Pay attention to which one you take. If you take the wrong one, don't fight the sleepiness. You will lose. You will wake up hours later on the floor. #LFMF
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(978):
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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(781):
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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(757):
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
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(727):
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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(845):
You said 'It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle' and then tried walking on the lake.
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(405):
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
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(360):
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said 'I'm peeing.' FML
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Today, I decided to take a nap in the university library. I felt like I'd only closed my eyes for a minute, when a random guy woke me up to tell me that I'd been farting in my sleep for the last half hour, and that the librarian was becoming concerned. FML
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Today, I found out a guy I work with has an eye twitch. I thought he was just a winker. I have been winking back all week. He either thinks I'm an ******* or am trying to seduce him. FML
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Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming 'RUN!!!' We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML
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Today, my son told his teacher that she 'has a nice rack.' He's four. FML
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Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says 'ewwww smells like fish.' FML
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Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, 'As long as they're bigger than mine.' They weren't. FML
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Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, 'I'm going in!' FML
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Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from no other than Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML
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the end
