Tuesday Ha Ha's
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Never go to Gamestop on Black Friday and look for your brothers by yelling 'Hey nerds,lets leave!' about 30 people will look at you and you WILL get kicked out of the store. #LFMF
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(205):
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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(516):
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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(240):
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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(416):
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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(301):
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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(+61):
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
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(610):
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
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Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML
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Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
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Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
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Today, it's Black Friday. I got sucker-punched by some woman over a ten dollar griddle. FML
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Today, I woke up to the face of Billy, the puppet from Saw, staring down at me. I was so scared, I wet myself instantly. It was my cousin in a mask, who is staying over for Thanksgiving weekend. FML
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Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML
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Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML
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Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, 'You ready for round two baby?' The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML
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Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said 'I want to be better than your vibrator!' FML
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THE END
