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Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

Chrissywish Posted:

Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

Background: My Mom's family lives in Nebraska and years ago when my cousin Josh (aunt's son)was getting married my cousin AJ (uncle's son) got engaged and picked the day after. Now one wedding was in Kansas and the other in Nebraska, which was difficult to travel, especially for us coming from NY already. Being closer to my Aunt and her family, we went to Josh's wedding, and sent AJ a present and our well wishes. We would have liked to have gone to both but it was impossible, and AJ picking the date he did after Josh had already set and booked his, set off some family fireworks.

So fast forward. My cousin Ryan and I are both now getting engaged. Neither of us are actually engaged, but we both have pretty much picked 08-08-08. I believe the only reason he picked it is for the date. I picked it one for the date, two b/c it's two days from my parents anniversery so it was kinda a special time, three it's in the summer and im going to be a teacher by then so i won't have to worry about taking off during the school year and four my best friend is getting married 07-07-07 and we have done everything together (known each other since 2nd grade, even went to same college) so it was cool to have something in common like that, and five I wanted a friday for money reasons, and it falls on a friday.

So tonight I was talking to my aunt(who is a bit self centered, everything has to be about me and my family, but past the healthy point of putting your family first), and the whole thing came up and I really didn't want to talk about it. I just kept saying once we are both engaged Ryan and I will talk about it and figure something out so we don't have the problem josh and aj had. I want all of my family at my wedding and so does Ryan. I have already said that if my cousins who have gotten married do not come I will be upset. So she just kept saying, well he has his mind set and is not changing. And then every little thing after that. Well I know he will already tell you that he picked it first, and then tried to go back to our cruise last oct and say they decided on it then. So then she proceeds to call me stubborn and pig headed and she doesn't want to be involved (although I kept trying to change the subject but she kept bringing up how he refuses to give in) and it just kept upsetting me more and more.

Now I also like 06-07-08, but there are just not as many reasons for it, and it's a sat and more expensive (he doesn't understand the diff b/t a ny wedding and nebraska wedding...our cocktail hours are literally more elaborate than my cousisn whole wedding...not too put it down, just a difference between two places).

So I know the easy thing is to just pick my other date, b/c it doesn't look like he is going to budge, but it's like why do I always have to be the one to give in ( i feel like it is that way with everyone). Why does he get the date we both dreamed about?? I'm trying not to worry about it now, but my Aunt just has my blood boiling and my stomach in knots!!!!

Sorry so long, just need to vent, and hear some honest opinions!!!
daniebc16 Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

You def. don't want to run into the same problem your cousins did, or else you will be paying big LI prices with no guests. I wouldn't wait until you get engaged to talk about this, nip it in the butt now. I suggest you talk to your cousin...It should be clear that whoever gets engaged first has first choice and you should both agree to have your weddings at least a month a part to give your family some breathing room. That way when you do get engaged there isn't a cloud hanging over it, you want to enjoy that time. Good luck!!!
sarahradio5 Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

orrrr....


send out your SAVE THE DATES - 8-8-8 NOW!!!!

daniebc16 Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

That is also a GREAT idea! I like the way you think
October Bliss Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

I understand the entire 08-08-08 date thing (ours is 10-08-06)- question - is your parent's anniversary 8-10 or 8-6? If it's 8-10 you can get a good price for a Sunday wedding, and then you have the added factor of it being the same day as your parents.

Until the two of you are actually engaged the entire thing is academic, but unfortunately I think he/she that gets engaged first gets the date first.
snydl40 Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

Do it! That is a great idea! Send out the save the dates and your family will know you are not budging.

MillerFord742008 Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

I agree with the ladies send out ur save the dates. Ur cousin knows that you want to get married on that date....what date does his FI want to get married on?

Mandyin2007 Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

That is a difficult situation. I think both you and your cousin need to talk about it before coming to anydecissions. Good luck!!

Chrissywish Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

You girls pretty much backed up my two thoughts...one screw him and do it first so he has no choice but to pick another day....however....i just couldn't live with that and I think it would hang a cloud over both of our weddings if we didn't take each other's feelings into account...i really wish I could just send out save the dates, but i can't

So I'm gonna talk to him, and see what we can decide on that both of us will be happy with (however, if he gets 08-08-08, then I will definitely do it first, so that everyone will remember my wedding at his)

Thanks for listening ladies!!!
sarahradio5 Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!


Posted by Chrissywish

You girls pretty much backed up my two thoughts...one screw him and do it first so he has no choice but to pick another day....however....i just couldn't live with that and I think it would hang a cloud over both of our weddings if we didn't take each other's feelings into account...i really wish I could just send out save the dates, but i can't

So I'm gonna talk to him, and see what we can decide on that both of us will be happy with (however, if he gets 08-08-08, then I will definitely do it first, so that everyone will remember my wedding at his)

Thanks for listening ladies!!!



Also... keep in mind that a lot of this 'stubborness' is coming from his aunt... not even from him. Can you speak to him directly and tell him how you feel? Tell him about the cost factor in NY about a Friday wedding... your parents anniversary. He's a guy, you're a girl... he shouldn't care as much as you do. It seems your aunt is adding more drama to this than is necessary. I think you need to speak right to your cousin, and leave your aunt out of this or else there are going to be more and more problems.
Chrissywish Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

you are right...i need to phase my aunt out and this be about him and i...the two people who will be committing our lives to another person...so i am going to call him....and see if him and i can work something out...i hope he doesn't have my aunt's attitude on, b/c if he does that's what gives me my stubborness, the other party not willing to be open and talk

cjb88 Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!


Posted by October Bliss


Until the two of you are actually engaged the entire thing is academic, but unfortunately I think he/she that gets engaged first gets the date first.



i agree...
BunnyBears Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

Maybe you can consider 08-18-08 -- still kinda cool! its on a sunday - a bit cheaper than saturday!!??

BunnyBears Posted:

Re: Uggghhhh....family stinks sometimes!!!!

ohhhh this is an old post!! I am new at this!!

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