ugh... FH vent (long)

Over the past few years one of my co-workers and I have become very good friends, she's in her late 50s and her son, whom i have never met is getting married. He and his bride live in Texas and will be out this weekend, so my friend is throwing a shower for her FDIL. This morning she asked me if I would go - I was excited and would love to meet her son and his FW, I feel like I know them already.

I sent FH an email just double checking that we didn't have anything planned that date and he sends back - 'how can you go when you don't know Rita's son or his bride?'

That kinda aggrevated me so I called him and he said exactly what I was expecting 'we don't have the money for a gift right now' I told I think we can scrape the $ together for a gift, I would really like to meet them. He tells me knowing them through my firend isn't the same as knowing them and we can't afford this right now. I said to him 'let's talk about this later' (people at my office have a habit of listening in on phone calls, ugh) and he replay's 'fine' and hangups. No good bye

I agree that we are very tight on $ right now, we are paying for the wedding ourselves and we are having our roof and chimmney replaced this week - there is no extra $ right now. I hate the idea of not being able to meet my friend's son and his wife over $ and don't know when I would get the chance again since they live in Texas. So I decided I can make them a quilted wall hanging for their new home - it will be tough to get it done in a week, but it would be worht it.

I called FH to tell him what I planned and he picks up the phone and hangs up without saying anything!!!

He has never done anything like this before, i know he very stressed over the $ right now, and I should just give him time to cool down, but I am really hurt that he did that. I sent him an email telling him what my plan for the gift was and told him I was hurt that he hung up on me. I am sitting in my office and I can't concentrate on work, I just want to cry.

I'm sorry for the long vent ladies, I'm just really hurt, I understand he is stressed, I am too, I just can't believe he hung up on me

maybe grooms let the pre wedding stress get to them like us brides.

It sounds like something I would do, but not FH so when FH acts that way, it throws me off.

He's probably just as overwhelmed as we get sometimes..

Just try to relax until you get home, and talk to him about it.

I'm a little pissed at FH today (for other reasons) but I made a decision to approach him about it when we're home

I'm thinking that its money stress and wedding stress too...this is such a hard time in everyone's life.....

Let hiim chill out for a bit and then just let him know that you understand your situation and that you will be making them something so that it does not weigh on your finances. I think making them a wall hanging is so perfect and I'm sure FH will too.

Thanks ladies, I know it's just stress and I really just have to let it go and talk to him tonight.

I am just so tired of feeling stressed about $ all the time, sometimes I really wish we had just gone to Vegas

I know part of it too is that the wedding is getting close and we're stressed about everything that left to do - last night I had a series of wedding nightmares:

in one the BM was trying to stick a 4' needle in my ear to 'extract a decision directly from my brain'

and then in another I was pregnant and due 5 days before the wedding - I was complaining to my sister that I wasn't going to fit in my dress and how were FH and I going to take a HM with a baby??

I need to start doing yoga or something

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Posted by Nina_m74

Thanks ladies, I know it's just stress and I really just have to let it go and talk to him tonight.

I am just so tired of feeling stressed about $ all the time, sometimes I really wish we had just gone to Vegas

I know part of it too is that the wedding is getting close and we're stressed about everything that left to do - last night I had a series of wedding nightmares:

in one the BM was trying to stick a 4' needle in my ear to 'extract a decision directly from my brain'

and then in another I was pregnant and due 5 days before the wedding - I was complaining to my sister that I wasn't going to fit in my dress and how were FH and I going to take a HM with a baby??

I need to start doing yoga or something

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or blow off work, go get a pedicure... go home, have a good dinner and a bottle of wine.
<33333

wedding planning makes us all batty =)

that would be wonderful!

I actually just talked to my boss about taking tomorrow off - I need a day to just get stuff done

It's very stressful, all of this.
I think it's nice for your co worker to include you. I'm sure if you came with just a simple gift, the gesture would be enough considering you don't know the couple, and you're planning your own wedding. I'd try to speak to FH later, face to face and explain to him that the money should be the focus. It affects enough of your life together--going to a party shouldn't become wrapped up in that too.

awwwwww sweetie that totally sounds like something my FH would do...guys get REALLY stressed out over $$ when it's tight and I can see your FH being a typical 'guy' and assuming that since its your co-worker's son and her FDIL, it's really distant and not a necessary expense, but he's too upset over $$ right now to see how much it would mean to you to go and meet them. (i also have an older co-worker who is my 'office mom' and her son got married recently so i know exactly how you feel!) just try to concentrate on work and when you guys get home tonight just be really calm and cool and explain to him how much she means to you and how you acknowledge that $$ is tight, but you'd be happy if he understood this and wouldn't get so stressed...it'll be over soon! promise!!

I would let him be for a little bit - he might be bummed about more than just money.... it's definitely something to address at home when you can both talk and get feelings out and not try to explain things through emails which are sometimes difficult to get messages thru.

If FH is peeved over something, I try not to get an answer out of him right away. Usually letting us each stay to ourselves for a bit cools us down and by the time we talk we both admit to just being 'stupid' or stressed and it's not really at each other.

It's so sad how much stress we all go through before our weddings. If we knew when we got engaged, I bet half of us would elope! And grooms feel it too, especially the money part, because they often end up feeling as if they're not making the decisions, they're just signing checks. When that's ridiculous, they should have a say also.

There's not much else you can do right now, you confronted him, via email, about the hang-up call. When you see him in person, be nice about it. Tell him you're sorry that he feels this way, but you want to meet this couple, and it's not actually going to cost you anything. Hopefully he'll apologize for the hang-up and won't do it again. Because if he does, you're going to have to have a serious talk.

I am so sorry that he is acting like that. I know how money can be stressful but at least say I love you. FH and I get into arguments a lot and sometimes he just needs to cool down. When you get home today tell him how you felt and how you feel that it was wrong of him to do something like that ... especially to you.