Ugh.. So upset..Doing wedding stuff today...

So today was supposed to be a fun day.. We are going for FHs passport for the honeymoon, getting a flower girl dress for my sister, hopefully getting my headpiece and DOJ and maybe even a new pair of shoes for the day of since mine are uncomfy. Unfortunately I am dreading it more than anything now because FH and I got into a HUGE fight over this stupid wedding and I don't even want to have it anymore!!!

We got an RSVP last night from his cousin in Pittsburgh saying he will be bringing his two young daughters. This is going to cause an issue because I didn't want kids at the wedding and I don't know how to handle the situation. If it was one of my family members I would just call them and say they can't come but it's not my family (I have never even met these people) and they live in Pittsburgh. I know because they are OOTers that FH's parents are going to say we have to let them come because who is going to babysit their kids (I have already had this conversation with them in regard to ANOTHER person who will probably RSVP with their kids). But here is the thing.. I don't think it is fair that these people I have never met (who is FH's cousin but he hasn't seen him in like 3 years) get to bring their kids JUST because they live far away when FH and I see my cousin and her son ALL THE TIME and she can't bring him. What am I supposed to do?? No one is on my side in this and I can't add another 15 people to the guest list (kids on my side) because of this! I am already up to 260 guests invited and if people are bringing whoever the hell they want the list is going to be close to 300 by the time everyone RSVPs... I am sooo upset and ANY advice anyone could give me would be great! Thanks..

I think if you set a rule about no kids, then it should apply to BOTH sides of the family.

I understand his family is coming from Pittsburgh, but I'm sure they know people in their area that can watch the kids over the weekend that you get married.

To be honest, your FH should be the one to call them and let them know that there are no kids at the wedding. JMO.

You put your foot down, now its FH turn to let them know.

Oh boy! I saw that no one replied to your post - I am going to try, but I haven't entered this stage of my planning yet (it'll come in June, I bet!)...

According to one etiquette book I have,

Q: I am getting married in a few weeks and I am steamed about something. Friends of mine returned their invitation with their children's names written in as attending. I am not having children at my wedding, which was made perfelctly clear on the invitation. What do I do?

A: There are those parents who go right ahead and write their childnren's names on the response card, even though the kids clearly weren't asked to attend. Some do this intentionally, believing they can bully the bride into having them; others truly believe it is understood that the children are included. Whoever is hosting the wedding may call immediately and explain in kind terms that the children are indeed not invited. If this results in an angry 'then I'm not coming either,' so be it. The breach of etiquette is theirs, not yours.

Taken from Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette

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Posted by DonnaPWhite1124

I think if you set a rule about no kids, then it should apply to BOTH sides of the family.

I understand his family is coming from Pittsburgh, but I'm sure they know people in their area that can watch the kids over the weekend that you get married.

To be honest, your FH should be the one to call them and let them know that there are no kids at the wedding. JMO.

You put your foot down, now its FH turn to let them know.

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I couldnt have said it better I too have the no kid rule and if anyonre rsvp's with kids you bet you a$$ either FH or I will be calling because it is OUR day and OUR decision and people need to be put in their places or else like you said they will bring whoever they want! Sorry you are going through this Nicole but you are right and it is FH's responsibility to call. good luck

Oh wow! What a tough situation to be in.

the way I see it is...
You have 2 options...

1 - to bite the bullet and talk to the cousin who is bringing the kids. If you are going to go this route then I would suggest... having a solution. Since they are coming from OOT they do need a babysitter. Is there anyway you can find one for them? I think it would be more difficult for them to find their own sitter here since they are OOT. It's kind of like with work... if you see something doesn't work right...rather than just say hey this can't happen.... offering a solutiong along with it usually helps out a whole lot more.

2 - Ignore it and let them come with the kids... but be prepared for any possible problems with other people who were told no kids. They will see kids there and immediately think of their own situation and most likey have negative feelings about it. In order to avoid this you might have to speak to your cousin about this situation beforehand.

If you decide to talk to the cousin you never met you could use #2 as a reason to why it would be difficult to have the kids there. And if you do decide on speaking to them but feel unfomfortable... can you have FH speak to them?

Does your RH charge for kids? I also saw a post from someone who said anyone under 3 doesn't get a seat so the parent has to deal with holding the kid on their lap the whole time. Just a way of making it uncomfortable so they don't want to bring their kids. I see this as.... turning the lights on in the bar at the end of the night to get everyone to leave. Not that you are trying to have this person not come... but adding some form of discomfort to make them not want to do something.

Ok I am going to disagree with almost everyone on this one matter. heres the thing.
My Fiance is in the Military therefore most of his friends/family are NOT from NY. Now I dont want kids at my adult wedding either but you have to understand that when it comes to his side (especially family) if its people coming from out of town you need to let them bring their kids. I went through this entire thing weeks ago, fought about it, got actual paid advice on it, and his family is right. You cant ask them to get a babysitter for their kids if they arent from NY. What you can do is hire a babysitter and have them come to your RH. Call his family and tell them that it is OK if they bring their kids and the cocktail hour is fine, but the main reception is adults only and you will have the kids in a seperate area. Most RH's even have someone on hand that they can call. The other idea is to do what I am doing, and just sucking it up. Its one day and you will never notice they are there. Just tell your family that kids only came with OOT guests and it was unavoidable.

I hope this helped!