Unity Candle

Never. I don't think I've ever been to a Catholic Church ceremony where it was performed. That's strange.

I am surprised because that's really a wedding tradition. I guess it depends on which church you get married. Every church has their own rules and regulations and it also depends a lot on the priest.
If you would like to have that in your ceremony/mass, I think you should.
Good Luck!

That is strange, my priest told us that he frowned upon couples that didn't do it. I guess every priest is different.

He might be an old fashion priest. \He might have the mentality of aqnything that isn't orthodox shouldn' be done. I've met priest and catholics who frown upon halloween. Espeically trick or treating or kids dressed up as anything but saints. I use to work at a convent and one of the women there were telling me how pagan some of americas custums are. He might view the unity candle as the same. I'm going to look up unity candle online and see if it has a pagan root.
I hope that this won't discourage you from using it. I've read the whole bible and I don't see why Jesus would be upset by using one.

question

My pastor has said that the unity candle is not part of the Marriage Rite and cannot be used in church. Where did it come from and why is it opposed by church leaders?

--Unsure in Utah

answer

Eastern European Slavic countries claim to be the birthplaces of the unity candle. [No proof exists for this. The apron rite is also considered part of their heritage, yet this custom's origin is also not known.] After the revision of the Marriage Rite in other Christian churches [not Catholic], it became popular to use the unity candle to lengthen the rite and allow, as one Presbyterian minister told me, more time for photographs in the church, and some symbol of the unity that has taken place.

Catholic Church leaders consider the unity candle a redundant ritual, duplicating the other symbols of the rite already present. Namely, the couple, the vows, the rings, and the eucharist are all symbols of unity.

Some objections are:

1. 'Give the couple something to do!' Answer: what were the vows and rings?

2. Blowing out the individual candles seems to suggest that they are leaving their old life for a new one together. Answer: they do not leave their old life!

3. 'The two become one.' Answer: it is in Christ that they are one and not through any symbol.

4. The 'passing of the baton approach' of the unity candle.

5. Allowing it to be placed on the altar, which is only to have the elements for Eucharist, or adding other tables and chairs.

6. The proselytizing of a commercial product.

Some have argued that if you allow the bride and groom to memorize their vows, they will feel that they have been given an important task, 'something to do.'

A crucial ritual question: does the unity candle over-explain or exaggerate the rite? When the marriage is celebrated within a Mass, the Eucharist is the high point.

For those who have already purchased their unity candle packet [which comes in some catalogs and Modern Bride wedding materials], use it at the prayer time of the reception. Couples need to be catechized that they are not losing their identity, and are not becoming something they are not. This candle can be ritualizing something that is not true. Theologians and liturgists alike strive for honesty and integrity with symbols and therefore have raised objections over the last decade to the unity candle.

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Posted by DayBeforeThanksgiving

This is going to sound terrible, (especially since I'm getting married at a Catholic church too)... they need to stop making some many rules and regulations based on their own personal opinions... we're paying $600 to get married at the church, so they should really be grateful for our 'donation' (FEE) My church told me that they 'frowned upon aisle runners' that the church floor should be good enough... give me a break... they have a TON of new rules now... no runners, no rice, no rose petals, you can't move anything to put flowers here or there.... etc.... they really need to remember that they are in no position to be casting stones and that our 'donation' should give us an hour to do what we want within reason.

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I feel bad for you girls. So many rules and traditions you have to follow. Its like your not allowed to have your wedding your way. You can't get married outside, throw roses petals, have aisle runners, etc... Its like your paying for them to tell you what not to do.

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Posted by DayBeforeThanksgiving

This is going to sound terrible, (especially since I'm getting married at a Catholic church too)... they need to stop making some many rules and regulations based on their own personal opinions... we're paying $600 to get married at the church, so they should really be grateful for our 'donation' (FEE) My church told me that they 'frowned upon aisle runners' that the church floor should be good enough... give me a break... they have a TON of new rules now... no runners, no rice, no rose petals, you can't move anything to put flowers here or there.... etc.... they really need to remember that they are in no position to be casting stones and that our 'donation' should give us an hour to do what we want within reason.

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I'm not Catholic, but I totally agree. Whether its Catholic, Baptist, or any religion I feel like you have done your deed, and you should be alowed to do what you want for the little bit of time that your there.

It depends on the parish - some are willing to do it and encourage it, some would prefer you don't do it. It is not part of the 'official' Catholic ceremony or mass, so if you have a very traditional priest or staff at your parish, they may not want you to do it, because they see it as a secular custom, not a church custom.

If he gave you the choice to do it, and you want to, then just do it and don't think twice about it. He stated his opinion, but is giving you the option.

I disagree that you should be allowed to do whatever you want just because you paid to have the wedding there. I think you need to be respectful of the church and they have liability issues to consider, like everyone else. You would pay about the same amount to have the ceremony in a hall and while they might be more flexible, they have rules of what you can and can't do too.

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Posted by dpli

It depends on the parish - some are willing to do it and encourage it, some would prefer you don't do it. It is not part of the 'official' Catholic ceremony or mass, so if you have a very traditional priest or staff at your parish, they may not want you to do it, because they see it as a secular custom, not a church custom.

If he gave you the choice to do it, and you want to, then just do it and don't think twice about it. He stated his opinion, but is giving you the option.

I disagree that you should be allowed to do whatever you want just because you paid to have the wedding there. I think you need to be respectful of the church and they have liability issues to consider, like everyone else. You would pay about the same amount to have the ceremony in a hall and while they might be more flexible, they have rules of what you can and can't do too.

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Right, that's why I said 'within reason'... I don't think that putting down and aisle runner is really being disrespectful you know?

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Posted by DayBeforeThanksgiving

Right, that's why I said 'within reason'... I don't think that putting down and aisle runner is really being disrespectful you know?

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I don't either, but I always wonder if they've been sued for something like that (or are afraid they will be...) and that's why they put some of the restrictions in place.

If the only reason your church says the runner is not allowed is because the 'floor is good enough' I think that's a little silly too. In fact, I think they put a cloth down for ordinations, why not for a wedding?

so weird........

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Posted by EmberLynn

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Posted by DayBeforeThanksgiving

This is going to sound terrible, (especially since I'm getting married at a Catholic church too)... they need to stop making some many rules and regulations based on their own personal opinions... we're paying $600 to get married at the church, so they should really be grateful for our 'donation' (FEE) My church told me that they 'frowned upon aisle runners' that the church floor should be good enough... give me a break... they have a TON of new rules now... no runners, no rice, no rose petals, you can't move anything to put flowers here or there.... etc.... they really need to remember that they are in no position to be casting stones and that our 'donation' should give us an hour to do what we want within reason.

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I feel bad for you girls. So many rules and traditions you have to follow. Its like your not allowed to have your wedding your way. You can't get married outside, throw roses petals, have aisle runners, etc... Its like your paying for them to tell you what not to do.

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The unity candle is a secular custom, not a religious one. A priest has every right to not allow or allow this to be a part of the nuptial mass. These other rules mentioned are in place to protect the church from the litigious society America has become. They don't want things on the ground that people might slip on and then sue. Rose petals stain carpets and make a mess-another cost for the church. I think that, on some level, the Church wants to make sure that people are focusing less on the wedding-- the it's-our-day-our-way-in-the-most-beautiful-and-extravagant-place-we-can-find mentality--and more on the marriage. But I really don't know. That's just a guess.

A church isn't just some vendor that exists to treat you like a paying customer who gets whatever they want. If you're not willing to deal with the requirements of a given church, find another venue. Don't feel bad for 'us girls' who are getting married in the RC church. For those of us who take it seriously and believe in the Church's teachings, it is a beautiful ceremony and it is a wonderful feeling to know that God recognizes and blesses your union with your husband-much more important than a candle, rice or rose petals, JMO.

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A church isn't just some vendor that exists to treat you like a paying customer who gets whatever they want. If you're not willing to deal with the requirements of a given church, find another venue. Don't feel bad for 'us girls' who are getting married in the RC church. For those of us who take it seriously and believe in the Church's teachings, it is a beautiful ceremony and it is a wonderful feeling to know that God recognizes and blesses your union with your husband-much more important than a candle, rice or rose petals, JMO.

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Well said!