Hi, Me and my fiance want to do a unity candle ceremony at our wedding. Here's the dilema, I know you usually have 3 candles (one for each set of parents and one for the bride and groom). Well my parents are divorced, and don't really get along. Can I do a unity ceremony with 5 candles (one for my mom, my dad, FMIL, FFIL and one for me and FH?)
Please advise. Thanks
suven
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
You lost me.
At our wedding (we had a Catholic Bishop officiate because he is my mom's cousin), just DH, me, and the Bishop touched the candles.
CaCRmr
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
Posted by suven
You lost me.
At our wedding (we had a Catholic Bishop officiate because he is my mom's cousin), just DH, me, and the Bishop touched the candles.
Yea, I'm a lil lost too... we had 3 candles. We lit the single ones and then lit the larger one together.
boobobunny
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
I think that you need to ask your officiant if you are even allowed the extra 2 candles...if this is a Catholic Wedding they may have rules about it.
I have been to weddings were the officiant askes the parents to come up to light the 2 small thin candles and them hand the lighted candles to the bride and groom...so that they can light the large or center candle....if u have 4 small candles then you and your FH will each need to hold 2 of those candles to light the center candle...I can see it getting a little choatic...since alot of times there are issues getting the candles to stay lite.
suven
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
I just wanted to add: the unity candle is NOT a required part of a Catholic wedding. There is a whole story on the tradition of the unity candle, but it is not necessary at the ceremony.
dita531
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
The Unity Candle is not a Catholic thing at all. We did it during our mass but it had no religious significance.
ETA: What we did was DH light the two smaller candles, and we both took one and light the larger candle together.
stephanief
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
Ok, sorry to have confused you all. I guess we are talking about 2 different things. From what I heard, the 2 sets of parents light one candle each and the B&G light the other. I am gonna skip this unity candle ceremony, I can see it turning into a disaster.
nylisa
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
The parents do not need to light the candle. We had the priest light the taper candles and then we lit the unity candle. The priest said that since the taper candles were individuals (like us) and we were lighting the unity candle together so it was we used to be two and now we are one.
EmberLynn
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
We are doing a Unity candle but we aren't using the parents at all! We are lighting them oursevles then light the big one together. I don't see why you couldn't have five candles, it should be a big deal.
FireIslandLove
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
I follow what you are saying - only our Moms came up and lit the single candles, then handed them to us. We lit the larger single one together.
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
I think the idea is that each candle represents you, not the family members. I;ve seen many ceremonies where the parents don't even coem up. Maybe you can Fh can light the cnadles yourselves with the family members surrounding you and just still have the same 3 candles. I think the 5 candle thing would kind of change the purpoe b/c the 2 flames that go into one represent you and FH.
wood2be
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
Anyone can light the candles. When my sisters got married, they were already lit when the Mass started. We chose to have our two mothers light them. Only because that is the only way I've ever seen it done, except for the Bride and Groom lighting them themselves.
The two side candles are supposed to represent the two of you as individuals and the center one represents the two of you as one. To me, it would kind of loose it's meaning if you had 5 candles. But then again, you could be starting a new tradition!
july06bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
we are having our mothers light the unity taper candles
palebride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
I think it might be cute to have the extra candles.....to include everyone in the unity candle ceremony to show the unity of all of you as a family! the only problem might be having room for all of those people.
we had our parents come up and each light a candle - and then Dh's parent's gave the candle to me, and my parents gave the candle to him....and then he and i used those candles to light the larger one.
FutureMrs
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
You don't have to have the parents do it with you. Many couples do it by themselves.
bubbles
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
my priest told us that the unity candle has absolutely nothing to do with the religious ceremony so talk to your officiant and see if he has seen something like that done before I am sure you are not the only one with that problem!
PegaLega
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
Posted by wood2be
Anyone can light the candles. When my sisters got married, they were already lit when the Mass started. We chose to have our two mothers light them. Only because that is the only way I've ever seen it done, except for the Bride and Groom lighting them themselves.
The two side candles are supposed to represent the two of you as individuals and the center one represents the two of you as one. To me, it would kind of loose it's meaning if you had 5 candles. But then again, you could be starting a new tradition!
I agree. Its so many people involved and its supposed to mean you joining together as one
candb
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
The smaller candles represents you as an individual, and the larger, middle candle simbilizes you coming together.
edsprincess
Posted:
Member since
Re: Unity Candle etiquette...
we are doing 2 candles with the unity candle. the 2 we are haveing my mom and his mom light one each. i say they have to get along. its one day! it should be special for them.
