update

I think you need to talk to him about why he feels pressure. I know you mentioned he had stated financial reasons but why does he feel finances are an issue? How does he plan to work on his finances to get to where he feels stable enough to make the next step? Could there be other reasons? Are his friends married?

With my first LT relationship of 5.5 years, I had installed a 7 year rule. If we weren't going to be a 'done deal' within 7 years, it was a deal breaker.

Of course, in my case, that breakup was one of the best things that ever happened to me because afterwards, I met 'the one.' Our wedding date falls within my 7 year rule - 6 years, 4 months in fact. Nevermind the fact that I was ready after the first month...

Relationships are never going to be a total walk in the park - they do take work and compromise but at the end of the day, you have to know in the deepest part of you that this person is the one...

Don't know if that helps but good luck...

Thanks everyone

This is really helpful. I reposted in the BHB forum.

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Posted by nov04LIbride

How old are you? I ask because if he is 21 or 22, I think his feelings are valid. I am glad I did a lot of living on my own (not as tied down) before I got married. If he's late 20s or older...That's a different story. I read an article about this...Some men are never ready to marry, and do you want to feel like you twisted his arm when he didn't want to?

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I was going to ask the same question. I was 36 when I got engaged and while i wasn't in a hurry to get married, I doubt at my age I would have waited around if I had been with my boyfriend for 7 years.

If I were younger, though, like in my early 20s, I wouldn't have been ready. I think a lot of success in relationships can be timing and being ready at the same time for the progression of the relationship.

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Posted by DjPiLL

is he 25? If so... that might be a little too young.

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Yeah, none of our friends were engaged or married at 25, so I think my DH wouldn't have been ready, seeing all his friends partying and not being tied down. At 25 we were dating, but it wasn't like being married. Being married changes everything, and we were ready, but if he isn't...Well, then you'll be married and home alone when he goes out with his friends all the time or whatever.

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Posted by nov04LIbride

How old are you? I ask because if he is 21 or 22, I think his feelings are valid. I am glad I did a lot of living on my own (not as tied down) before I got married. If he's late 20s or older...That's a different story. I read an article about this...Some men are never ready to marry, and do you want to feel like you twisted his arm when he didn't want to?

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if I met DH at 25 i would have not given him the time of day. he's still a child at 37 but a more tolerable one...

people definitely mature at different rates, my DH is a little stunted

I truly believe if you have to ask someone to ask you to marry them it is best to walk away.


I don't think you should have to pressure him.

I think that is a bad sign.

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Posted by jenny2penny

this is just my opinion and what I have seen through friends and even myself......
1. The time is never right. If you love a person enough to marry them, then you will be able to work things through good and bad times. Who's to say down the road finances change....you get divorces? no, you work through it.
2. a person should never feel pressured, they ask because they want to spend forever with a person.
3. you just know if they are the one. Sfter years.........i wonder, why did it never progress? I have a friend who's ex dragged his feet and now they broke up and she wasted all those years.

Your best bet is to talk to him!!!!

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I'm with you Jenny....to me his lack of actions tells the tale that I'm not 'the one' for him. I only gave Bob until year four to figure out what he wanted...granted we were younger but I wasn't going to hang out and spend over a decade with a guy who wasn't 'committed' to me and our future. This seems to be epidemic lately with alot of women...so many of my friends are invovled with guys who are wishy-washy with their emotions. I would say if you are older than 25, it would be time to tell this guy to hit the road and move on. If you're spending all your time with Mr. I'm not sure, Mr. I'm your future can't find you...

Just my opinion...good luck!

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Posted by ambersmom

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Posted by jenny2penny

this is just my opinion and what I have seen through friends and even myself......
1. The time is never right. If you love a person enough to marry them, then you will be able to work things through good and bad times. Who's to say down the road finances change....you get divorces? no, you work through it.
2. a person should never feel pressured, they ask because they want to spend forever with a person.
3. you just know if they are the one. Sfter years.........i wonder, why did it never progress? I have a friend who's ex dragged his feet and now they broke up and she wasted all those years.

Your best bet is to talk to him!!!!

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I'm with you Jenny....to me his lack of actions tells the tale that I'm not 'the one' for him. I only gave Bob until year four to figure out what he wanted...granted we were younger but I wasn't going to hang out and spend over a decade with a guy who wasn't 'committed' to me and our future. This seems to be epidemic lately with alot of women...so many of my friends are invovled with guys who are wishy-washy with their emotions. I would say if you are older than 25, it would be time to tell this guy to hit the road and move on. If you're spending all your time with Mr. I'm not sure, Mr. I'm your future can't find you...

Just my opinion...good luck!

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I agree. I may come off harsh but it justs that I have seen so many friends stay with guys for 7+ years and no engagement. Then they break up and 2 months later he is married.

I responded to your post on the other board, FM me if you want to chat, I know this can be so hard!!!