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The rebellious woman and her cowering man
We all have a rebellious nature. No one really likes being told what to do, all that much. We can be prideful and independent, which is fine.
But we know that we need that sometimes- leadership.
I heard a counselor once say, that in having talked to a lot of people, that he found the single most thing that married women wish most-
was for the man to take his place as a leader in the home.
Some men deal with their wife like a man on a dog sled. He puts his woman up front, as lead dog, kids too...and is controlling, barking orders. However, he is not Leading. The woman is. She is also doing most of the work. He isn’t doing much, but he feels important.
Some men are underlings to their woman. She flexes her will, he concedes. She wants things a certain way, and he just doesn’t care one way or another. He won’t speak up when things are wrong, he won’t take charge when appropriate. He just doesn’t care. Lacking much opinion, or maybe just beaten down enough by the woman to quit bother fighting.
Especially if it just makes her fight more. Men just don’t want to fight for things, sometimes.
In the first scenario, the dog sled, this woman may become rebellious to the man, no longer willing to take orders from him, seeing him as useless dead-weight. Hell, she is leading already, because he won’t do the work involved. She wishes he would take the lead by setting an example, not just by barking orders to others.
In the second scenario, the underling, she wishes he would stand up for something, show some personality, care about things, be passionate about life. She loses respect for him because she sees him as weak. He might be weak, but is probably just too lazy to bother opposing her (he knows its a losing cause) She will be rebellious, not listening to him, because she does not respect him. She thinks he is stupid, whether he is or not.
Which takes me to the heart of this blog-
In a family, Leadership only works with Relationship.
My kids obey me because of my relationship with them. Yes, they know I will punish them if necessary, but they follow orders, when I must give them, because they love me.
If I had no relationship with them, they would have little motivation to please me or listen to me. If I have no connection with a wife, she sure as hell isn’t going to do what I tell her to. She didn’t sign up to be nobody’s slave. In fact, she will probably be gone eventually.
If a man wants his woman to listen to him, he must be a stable and consistent leader.
He must be willing to do his share of the work. He must try hard to make wise choices.
And most of all, he must have a Connection with her. If she feels connected to him, and loved, and has faith and respect in him, she will listen to him better.
If she feels disgust for him, feels contempt, for whatever reason- hurts and offenses, weakness, foolishness, whatever- she will NOT follow him. She may WISH he would take his place, but then ultimately, not LET him, because she ain’t taking orders from that idiot. She thinks she is smarter, and she just might be. Or at least she is paying attention, where he seems oblivious.
He calls her rebellious, but may not recognize that he is causing it.
His woman (and kids) are a product of his leadership, and if things aren’t right, that should be the first thing for him to check- himself.
I think many women would gladly get behind their man, and let him lead, if he was a good leader, whom they felt good about supporting. If they respect him, and feel a real connection, it works wonders.
But if he will not take his place, it becomes VERY difficult for him to take it later, if ever. And it takes a LOT of work, which too many men are too complacent to do.
Men and women both struggle for control. Each of them is trying to run their own lives, but together as a couple, all of a sudden they feel like someone ELSE is making their decisions, running their life, and screwing it up. We cannot have that, so we try to take control not only of our self, but of the other person, so they don’t screw up and affect us badly.
There is always going to be some natural control issues between the sexes, that’s normal. But when one person tries to seize control, it makes the other person try to take it back, and you have a power struggle. Neither one can understand why the other won’t listen.
But a wise man listens to his woman, consults her, and takes the lead when appropriate, dealing with her in an understanding way. Many women would happily follow such a man.
Wise, benevolent kings of old are remembered, revered, and celebrated in history, and were loved and served by their subjects, prosperous.
The weak men of history are not remembered at all.
And ruthless tyrants suffered the people’s rebellion.
We all have a rebellious nature. No one really likes being told what to do, all that much. We can be prideful and independent, which is fine.
But we know that we need that sometimes- leadership.
I heard a counselor once say, that in having talked to a lot of people, that he found the single most thing that married women wish most-
was for the man to take his place as a leader in the home.
Some men deal with their wife like a man on a dog sled. He puts his woman up front, as lead dog, kids too...and is controlling, barking orders. However, he is not Leading. The woman is. She is also doing most of the work. He isn’t doing much, but he feels important.
Some men are underlings to their woman. She flexes her will, he concedes. She wants things a certain way, and he just doesn’t care one way or another. He won’t speak up when things are wrong, he won’t take charge when appropriate. He just doesn’t care. Lacking much opinion, or maybe just beaten down enough by the woman to quit bother fighting.
Especially if it just makes her fight more. Men just don’t want to fight for things, sometimes.
In the first scenario, the dog sled, this woman may become rebellious to the man, no longer willing to take orders from him, seeing him as useless dead-weight. Hell, she is leading already, because he won’t do the work involved. She wishes he would take the lead by setting an example, not just by barking orders to others.
In the second scenario, the underling, she wishes he would stand up for something, show some personality, care about things, be passionate about life. She loses respect for him because she sees him as weak. He might be weak, but is probably just too lazy to bother opposing her (he knows its a losing cause) She will be rebellious, not listening to him, because she does not respect him. She thinks he is stupid, whether he is or not.
Which takes me to the heart of this blog-
In a family, Leadership only works with Relationship.
My kids obey me because of my relationship with them. Yes, they know I will punish them if necessary, but they follow orders, when I must give them, because they love me.
If I had no relationship with them, they would have little motivation to please me or listen to me. If I have no connection with a wife, she sure as hell isn’t going to do what I tell her to. She didn’t sign up to be nobody’s slave. In fact, she will probably be gone eventually.
If a man wants his woman to listen to him, he must be a stable and consistent leader.
He must be willing to do his share of the work. He must try hard to make wise choices.
And most of all, he must have a Connection with her. If she feels connected to him, and loved, and has faith and respect in him, she will listen to him better.
If she feels disgust for him, feels contempt, for whatever reason- hurts and offenses, weakness, foolishness, whatever- she will NOT follow him. She may WISH he would take his place, but then ultimately, not LET him, because she ain’t taking orders from that idiot. She thinks she is smarter, and she just might be. Or at least she is paying attention, where he seems oblivious.
He calls her rebellious, but may not recognize that he is causing it.
His woman (and kids) are a product of his leadership, and if things aren’t right, that should be the first thing for him to check- himself.
I think many women would gladly get behind their man, and let him lead, if he was a good leader, whom they felt good about supporting. If they respect him, and feel a real connection, it works wonders.
But if he will not take his place, it becomes VERY difficult for him to take it later, if ever. And it takes a LOT of work, which too many men are too complacent to do.
Men and women both struggle for control. Each of them is trying to run their own lives, but together as a couple, all of a sudden they feel like someone ELSE is making their decisions, running their life, and screwing it up. We cannot have that, so we try to take control not only of our self, but of the other person, so they don’t screw up and affect us badly.
There is always going to be some natural control issues between the sexes, that’s normal. But when one person tries to seize control, it makes the other person try to take it back, and you have a power struggle. Neither one can understand why the other won’t listen.
But a wise man listens to his woman, consults her, and takes the lead when appropriate, dealing with her in an understanding way. Many women would happily follow such a man.
Wise, benevolent kings of old are remembered, revered, and celebrated in history, and were loved and served by their subjects, prosperous.
The weak men of history are not remembered at all.
And ruthless tyrants suffered the people’s rebellion.
