**UPDATE** I'm in invite hell...please help x-post from 08 boards

**UPDATE** FH talked to FMIL and she is fine with saying
Ms. Jane and Mr. John Doe. She is happy with the formality of it and got over wanting to be on different lines. FH just called me and sounds like a new man!!! I am so relieved! I'm glad i can be happy and that everyone is happy. I really love my FMIL and was shocked that all of this elapsed. Thank you girls so much!!



Some of you may remember the postings i did last week and the week before about the invitation stress i was going thru with my FMIL. First she didnt want FFIL's name on the invitation then she said it doesnt matter as long as her name goes first (keep in mind they are on good terms...walking into the reception together, dancing first dance together). We went to order our invites yesterday and this is what we were doing

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe Sr
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Linda
to
Joe
Son of
Ms. Jane and Mr. John Doe (they have the same last name). The woman at the invite place said it does not look like they are married cause my parents are on there as Mr and Mrs. Well fmil (who i get along with really well), is not thrilled. She thinks they should be on separate lines that read Jane Doe
and Mr. John Doe.
FH is annoyed because #1 there is not enough room on the invite and #2 he doesnt want our invite screaming 'check it out my parents are divorced'--his words not mine. He wants them on the same line cause his argument is, 'what difference does it make if hes on a separate line. Is it really going to make a difference? Help here please!!!

I think that it really needs to be what you and FH want..
And I dont think it looks like they are married because your parents are MR AND MRS.

Maybe if you take away the Mr and Mrs. from his parents?? And write... son of Jane Doe and John Doe.?????

This is just a silly suggestion???

but i don't think that son of. Mr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe. Sounds BAD AT ALL. I think that the AND makes it clear...because otherwise they would be MR AND MRS.

Ouch, what a tough situation. But technically FMIL is right, by proper etiquette standards. You see this frequently in wedding announcements where one of the couple's parents are divorced. I understand how FH feels but you're in the middle between he and FMIL!
I think its perfectly acceptable to put his folks names on the same line, as long as the surname is used separately for each of them i.e.:

to
Joe
Son of
Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe

I would have your invitation consultant recommend something that works, and if all 3 of you agree to accept his/her final decision that takes the heat off of you both???

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Posted by longislandlibrarian

I think that it really needs to be what you and FH want..
And I dont think it looks like they are married because your parents are MR AND MRS.

Maybe if you take away the Mr and Mrs. from his parents?? And write... son of Jane Doe and John Doe.?????

This is just a silly suggestion???

but i don't think that son of. Mr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe. Sounds BAD AT ALL. I think that the AND makes it clear...because otherwise they would be MR AND MRS.

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That's what we originally had and it wasnt 'formal enough.' she told me we may as well say Jane and the fathers nickname because it is so unformal which i dont agree with but whatever lol. Thank you!

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Posted by Colette

Ouch, what a tough situation. But technically FMIL is right, by proper etiquette standards. You see this frequently in wedding announcements where one of the couple's parents are divorced. I understand how FH feels but you're in the middle between he and FMIL!
I think its perfectly acceptable to put his folks names on the same line, as long as the surname is used separately for each of them i.e.:

to
Joe
Son of
Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe

I would have your invitation consultant recommend something that works, and if all 3 of you agree to accept his/her final decision that takes the heat off of you both???

---

The invitation consultant told us that it is redundant to have the last name on twice being that they both have the same last name. By using Ms instead of Mrs, everyone knows they are not married. I wouldn't even care about having both last names on the line but FMIL wasnt happy with that. She wants her own line

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Posted by JoesFutureWife


The invitation consultant told us that it is redundant to have the last name on twice being that they both have the same last name. By using Ms instead of Mrs, everyone knows they are not married. I wouldn't even care about having both last names on the line but FMIL wasnt happy with that. She wants her own line

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WOw. that's just WRONG information. OK nix that suggestion, she's not giving you the accurate scoop!

Is there anyway to play with font sizes and give FMIL her own line?

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Posted by Colette

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Posted by JoesFutureWife


The invitation consultant told us that it is redundant to have the last name on twice being that they both have the same last name. By using Ms instead of Mrs, everyone knows they are not married. I wouldn't even care about having both last names on the line but FMIL wasnt happy with that. She wants her own line

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WOw. that's just WRONG information. OK nix that suggestion, she's not giving you the accurate scoop!

Is there anyway to play with font sizes and give FMIL her own line?

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I should actually say, we didnt like the way it looked having the last name twice on the line. See above. We have a solution everyone is happy with and it works for all of us. Luckily this situation isnt your typical divorce situation. Invites are ordered and now i cant wait to get them in!!

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Posted by HamptonsBride

here's a genericized copy of my invite...DH's parents are divorced, and they went on separate lines...because that's what you do when they are divorced!! haha...it's nothing personal, just how etiquette states it should be done....good luck!

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The invite looks beautiful i just wanted to ask why is FH's Mom down as Mrs. if they are divorced?

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Posted by JoesFutureWife
The invite looks beautiful i just wanted to ask why is FH's Mom down as Mrs. if they are divorced?

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well this was MY invite hell situation...MIL did NOT like Ms...and since everyone had a title i refused to just write her name & have it look weird..SOOOO...after much research...this is what i learned!!!
------------
In addressing a woman, it's useful to refer to previous correspondence from the individual to see whether she included a courtesy title when she typed or signed her name. If you have no previous correspondence, use these general guidelines:

Miss is used for an unmarried woman.

Mrs., with her husband's full name (if known), is used for a married woman or a widow; if a divorcée retains her married name, use Mrs. plus her own name, not her husband's.

Ms. is used in any of the above cases if the woman prefers it; it's also used if you do not know the woman's marital status or if you're addressing a divorcée who has resumed her maiden name.

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Posted by HamptonsBride

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Posted by JoesFutureWife
The invite looks beautiful i just wanted to ask why is FH's Mom down as Mrs. if they are divorced?

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well this was MY invite hell situation...MIL did NOT like Ms...and since everyone had a title i refused to just write her name & have it look weird..SOOOO...after much research...this is what i learned!!!
------------
In addressing a woman, it's useful to refer to previous correspondence from the individual to see whether she included a courtesy title when she typed or signed her name. If you have no previous correspondence, use these general guidelines:

Miss is used for an unmarried woman.

Mrs., with her husband's full name (if known), is used for a married woman or a widow; if a divorcée retains her married name, use Mrs. plus her own name, not her husband's.

Ms. is used in any of the above cases if the woman prefers it; it's also used if you do not know the woman's marital status or if you're addressing a divorcée who has resumed her maiden name.

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That is so interesting. I never knew that!! I think my FFIL's 2nd ex wife (yes second ex wife!!)would sh*t if she opened the invite and saw my FMIL's name with a Mrs. I wonder if she wanted to be on the invite too.

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Posted by longislandlibrarian

hope you found a solution that you are happy with.

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We did! Look back to first post! Thanks for your help sweetie!!

can't you just say like the parents of (for ex) Mary Jane Bride
and the parents of John Smith ?

wouldn't taht just be easier?

IMO it's a little bit more formal to say their names. I wanted them mentioned. Who knew it would cause such a headache Good thing we found a solution that makes everyone happy.