UPDATE--Kinda freaking out....long, but please please please help

Here's the background:

FBIL was engaged a few months before us, didn't start planning right away, then planned a DW in Puerto Rico for July (no one was happy- their family really can't afford to fly down and they weren't going to pay for it...), then FHs dad passed away so they decided to honor him by having a DW in his favorite place- on a lake in Vermont. It was pretty much set, then they changed their minds before putting down a deposit.

So, for a few weeks they tossed around the ideas to either elope or just have the wedding here on LI.

Well, the wedding was supposed to be in the beginning to middle of July....

FBIL just called me to tell me they found a date at Tall Grass Country Club- which is great! But, he wanted to run the date past us to see if it was ok, which was a nice gesture. The date is August 18....3 weeks before my wedding.

I was just happy that I wouldn't have to pay travel expenses so I was like 'Its fine with me!' I didn't really think it through though. I congratulated him and hung up.

Now- 10 minutes later- I'm realizing why this isn't such a great idea...

FH has some family that lives out of town- in Florida and upstate NY.

These people will get their invitation first, make travel plans and then, most likely, will NOT want to travel back 3 weeks later for OUR wedding.

Plus-it kinda steals my thunder.

Should I say something?

Do I just let it go?

HELP!!!
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Update:


I started texting one of my BMs about the issue and called FH to tell him how I felt...when my BM didn't answer I wrote 'I'm freaking out...'

FH called me back and said 'Did you mean to text something to my brother?'

Uh-oh- I somehow managed to hit the wrong button and sent the text to the first person on my 'Recent Calls' list...oops.

Good thing I didn't say anything bad...

I wrote 'Ok...S and J picked a date....and he called to make sure it was ok...and I said it was, but now I'm thinking that its not ok.'

He just texted me to ask if that was meant for him...

I need to lay off the text messages. I'm too fumbly with my fingers...

oh man, that's a tough one. I totally understand why you would feel kinda bad saying NO flat out to FBIL, but it sounds like they have changed their minds on their planning so many times that it's kind of unfair to you guys (who picked one place and stuck with it) that they might end up having all the OOT family and you might not.

Did you send out STDs so the OOT family already knows your date? Are they ppl who FH and his parents are close to, where they could talk to them and see whether anyone would consider coming to both? there's still a little bit of time so maybe they could get cheap flights, or save money thru a TA by buying more than one set of tix to the same destination (I dunno)?

i'd say have FH work it out with his bro where they'd talk to the OOT family and decide who would come to which wedding if they had to split it up, but then there would still be ppl missing that day.... i'm sorry

I would definitely voice my opinion and nicely tell them that after thinking about it you realize that their plans may hinder yours. What is wrong with waiting? I understand that people pics dates for a reason...but why are there so many couples that choose dates close to other peoples weddings that they know or are close too> I just dont understand.
But since he did go out of his way to ask what you thought he definitely had you in mind-so he may be more then willing to push it off for a little longer

Don't be afraid to say something to your FBIL. I dn't think he'll get mad because clearly he had you and your FH in mind when he asked you if that date was OK. Let him know the burden that 2 weddings within 3 weeks of each other might have on the family... he'll have to understand. Good luck!


ETA: Don't feel too bad about changing your mind either. Make it seem as though you are more concerned with OOT family members and not that they'll be stealing your thunder (IMO, they'd be stealing your thunder if they got married 3 weeks AFTER you... all of a sudden you're not the NEW newlyweds anymore, they are Thunder-stealers!!!)