Update on the situation with my BM in the 'special condition'...

We came to the mutual agreement that it would be for the best if she was not a part of my bridal party. She felt she would be uncomfortable for various reasons, I had my concerns, and we both agreed that it was the best thing to do considering the situation with our family.

I'm definitely a little sad and yet very relieved at the same time. We agreed that she would try and be part of whatever activities she felt she could handle in her pregnant state the day of the wedding. She was completely understanding as was everyone else in my BP (all were in agreement with the decision) and it seems as though this won't cause any drama or problems between us or in the family.

NOW... I don't want to replace her just for the sake of evening out the BP because I don't care about that. But FH now wants to ask his other sister (that he doesn't get along that well with) to be in. We didn't ask her in the first place because her daughter is already our FG and we didn't want this to be a financial burden on them and also because of the not getting along thing, obviously.

I think that if he asks now, she's going to say no and maybe even be insulted. I don't know if my pregnant BM would then be offended too because it will look like we just 'replaced' her as though she were just a body.... I left it in his his hands because it is his sister....

Just my $.02

I was terribly insulted and absolutely pissed off when I ‘replaced’ my SIL Best friend because she got pregnant. Last minute, 3 months to the wedding my sister in law asks me to be part of “your brother’s wedding’ this after they all had the dressed picked out and everything. I knew damned well that I was a substitute. To this day it ticks me off.

I did it anyway, because he is MY brother. But it drew a definitely line in the sand as far was my SIL and I are concerned.

The part that pissed me off the most was the way she asked. As if I didn’t KNOW she had a spot open. She said she didn’t want to bother me with the money because she didn’t know if I could handle it. If she didn’t know why didn’t she ask before assuming and why all of a sudden did she ask now? Using money as an excuse ticked me off. Then she acted like she was doing ME a favor of being in my own brother’s wedding. I’m my brother’s only sister. “Well, I know Oscar would love for you to be part of this wedding” really?? then way ask me last minute? Do I look that stupid?

I wish she just point blank told me “Someone dropped out, we didn’t ask you at first because I really wanted my best friend in that spot, but if you still want to be part of the wedding and want to be a BM then we’d love to have you, if not, we’d understand.”

I recall the day of her wedding VERY well. She cried and yelled at me because she hadn’t given me any clue how to wear my hair, shoes, makeup or accessories, so I went all out. She was angry because I looked good “its not fair, I’m the bride!”. She threw me out of her dressing area no less. But I think that was because I got mean back and said some rather un-bridesmaid type things to the bride.

So if you’re gonna do it. Be honest be blunt and don’t sugar coat it. She knows what has happened. Nothing really happens in a closed bubble when it comes to stuff like this.

*hops off her soapbox of bad memories*

Aw, Xelindrya, I'm sorry you had to go through that! Especially being your brother's only sister!

This is exactly why I don't think it's a good idea to ask her now. I don't want to make her feel that way. It's bad enough that she and FH have trouble getting along, this would probably make things worse.

As far as the money thing, in her situation, she already had told FH back then that she would simply 'borrow money from Mom & Dad'... which I thought --- though none of my business -- was really unfair.

Thank you for your 2 cents.