UPDATE! The saga continues...

SReidy Posted: Feb 09, 2004 09:44 AM

UPDATE! The saga continues...

My FH and I already live together (for 3 1/2 years now). We decided that we DON't want to do a 'traditional' bachelor or bachelorette party and that we'd rather do a joint bachelor/ette party instead. We have 12 in our BP + us=14 people that we have to coordinate and check availability with. Anyway, we decided on a dinner show in manhattan and then since all of our friends don't drink (myself included) that if any of them wanted to leave after that (some of them have infants at home) that would be fine and the rest could stay w/ us and we could continue the party. Anyway, my FH tells our best man this (his brother) and he gets a vmail yesterday from him telling my FH that 'he's so upset that we took this responsibility away from him' and 'he can't believe that we planned this without him' and how offended he is,...... ?????? Why should he be offended? I don't think he has a right to be, he hasn't cared enough about 1 THING about this wedding and now he's going to complain?????!?!?!? What should we (he-my FH) do?

SReidy Posted: Feb 09, 2004 09:55 AM

Re: Help- need advice

Anyone?

julz33 Posted: Feb 09, 2004 09:59 AM

Re: Help- need advice

It seems like the guys in the bridal party are usually more excited about the bachelor party then the groom is! Don't let him bother you Continue with your plans. It sounds like a great idea!

lullabella Posted: Feb 09, 2004 10:03 AM

Re: Help- need advice

Typically it is the Best Man who hosts the Bachelore Party, so maybe that is why he is upset. I would just have FI speak with him and tell him that you are opting for a low key dinner party instead.

Kriss2c Posted: Feb 09, 2004 10:07 AM

Re: Help- need advice

I'm with Julz...

I had a similar situation with my sister, she wanted a big bash in Vegas.... which I'll just say is just not my style.. I told her no.... she got upset....once I told her how I felt she seemed to get the point.

May05Bride Posted: Feb 09, 2004 10:25 AM

Re: Help- need advice

The BM probably was looking forward to having an excuse to go to a strip show or something :)

I think you should definately talk to him, or your FI should, and let him know that its Your wedding, thus YOUR decision. When he will have his wedding, it could be done the way he wants it to be done.

aliciahelene Posted: Feb 09, 2004 10:30 AM

Re: Help- need advice

that guy is being a bit rediculous!!! My husband and I were doing the same thing as you guys, we wanted a jont party, we were lucky though because everyone was very happy to do whatever we wanted! If I were you guys, I would continue with the plans you have already made, especially since he hasnt cared to do anything yet already! ENJOY YOURSELVES and do whats best for you guys..

SReidy Posted: Feb 09, 2004 10:56 AM

Re: Help- need advice

Thanks ladies- I just thought maybe we were in the wrong somehow but I really don't believe that we are.

SReidy Posted: Feb 09, 2004 12:11 PM

Re: UPDATE! Help- need advice

My FH just got off of the phone with his brother. First his got his mom who told him that 'they all felt that it was very unorthodox for us to plan our own bachelor/ette party' ..... and then my FH explained our reasons to her and basically told her that this is what WE want to do.. Then he got on the phone with our BM (his brother) and told him the same and in the end (b/c my FH is a softie) NOW this ISN't our bachelor/ette party- it's just a 'Get together' and they're all going to go out on their own the week before the wedding to Foxwoods or someplace! Now I'm annoyed- I stuck to my guns and told my BMs that I don't want a bachelorette party b/c we're doing this but now it looks like he's getting one and I'm not. How did this work out this way????!?!?!?!?!? I'm really mad right now.

neesiepie Posted: Feb 09, 2004 12:26 PM

Re: UPDATE! The saga continues...

Maybe the Best Man already had plans set in motion? Maybe it was going to be a big suprise? He could have already made travel arrangements...who knows.
It's never too late to tell your girls you decided you want our own bachelorette party. Don't forget...this is all so you can have FUN and everyone wants to take their part in making you feel special! :0)

SReidy Posted: Feb 09, 2004 01:33 PM

Re: UPDATE! The saga continues...

Yeah, he didn't have anything set- I know that much. My brother is one of the GM and would've mentioned something to me. Oh well.....

lullabella Posted: Feb 09, 2004 01:43 PM

Re: UPDATE! The saga continues...

Sorry but I am a little confused... Why are you mad that he is going to FOXWOODS? If he wants to go then I would let him. Maybe he wants one deep down inside but doesnt want to admit it to you?

If you are feeling left out then you should have a girls weekend or something?

SReidy Posted: Feb 09, 2004 01:59 PM

Re: UPDATE! The saga continues...

Posted by lullabella

Sorry but I am a little confused... Why are you mad that he is going to FOXWOODS? If he wants to go then I would let him. Maybe he wants one deep down inside but doesnt want to admit it to you?

If you are feeling left out then you should have a girls weekend or something?

I'm not mad that he's going to foxwoods. I'm annoyed w/ the fact that people are making something out of nothing- why do his parents feel they need to have ANY SORT OF SAY in their son's bachelor party??? I just don't feel that our BM has the right to make a big deal if my FH and I decide we want a joint bachelor/ette party. And you'd think he'd respect our wishes and be done w/ it already, that's all. I could care less if he went to Foxwoods or to the moon- it's just the principle.

MrHostility Posted: Feb 09, 2004 02:05 PM

Re: UPDATE! The saga continues...

It would have been nice to include him, seeing as he may have been looking forward to his 'job' of doing the party. Your FH might have agreed to have more of a getaway with friends, than a traditional Bachelor party.

What's wrong with him doing something to make his brother happy? You can still have you party thing with everyone, and he can have a getaway with his brother and some friends.

I think it's a pretty good compromise.

Kriss2c Posted: Feb 09, 2004 02:09 PM

Re: UPDATE! The saga continues...

I agree with you SReidy, it's YOUR wedding... your parents or in-laws should have minimal say in the situation.

SReidy Posted: Feb 09, 2004 02:15 PM

Re: UPDATE! The saga continues...

Posted by MrHostility

It would have been nice to include him, seeing as he may have been looking forward to his 'job' of doing the party. Your FH might have agreed to have more of a getaway with friends, than a traditional Bachelor party.

What's wrong with him doing something to make his brother happy? You can still have you party thing with everyone, and he can have a getaway with his brother and some friends.

I think it's a pretty good compromise.

There's NOTHING with him doing something to make his brother happy- but why don't we reverse it for a second and say to his brother- why don't you do something to make your brother happy and respect his wishes and not complain about this. It works both ways any my FH is the one getting married here. I'm just tired of us being the two that ALWAYS bend for everyone else when no one does for us.

SReidy Posted: Feb 09, 2004 02:16 PM

Re: UPDATE! The saga continues...

Thanks Kriss2c

nferrandi Posted: Feb 09, 2004 02:17 PM

Re: UPDATE! The saga continues...

I get what you're saying about how you were 'sticking to your guns' about having the joint party, but your FH didn't, so I don't think you should be mad at the BM. Unfortunately, things aren't working out exactly the way you had hoped, but that's not to say everything won't work itself out in the end. Maybe you and your girls can go to a spa while they go off gambling. And I also would have it be known that the city night isn't a 'get together' it is your joint bachelor/ette celebration.

MrHostility Posted: Feb 09, 2004 02:30 PM

Re: UPDATE! The saga continues...

Posted by SReidy

There's NOTHING with him doing something to make his brother happy- but why don't we reverse it for a second and say to his brother- why don't you do something to make your brother happy and respect his wishes and not complain about this. It works both ways any my FH is the one getting married here. I'm just tired of us being the two that ALWAYS bend for everyone else when no one does for us.

I understand what you're saying. It's difficult to be the one to bend. But maybe it's not worth fighting over? If it is, then by all means fight.

You could also think about it like, what if you weren't doing it together, and your MOH didn't plan you a party. You'd probably be upset. So all I'm saying is that I'm trying to think about it from his shoes. I didn't say he should bend, or you should.

Do what you think is right, but be aware it might cause problems down the road. I agree his parents should keep out of the bachelor party stuff though, either way.

SReidy Posted: Feb 09, 2004 03:05 PM

Re: UPDATE! The saga continues...

I see what you're saying- I just think that since our entire BP knew that we chose to do this together that it shouldn't be an issue. No matter what the reason we are always the ones to bend on things and I just think for once that people who are our friends and family would be respectful and not add any tension to our lives knowing how much stuff we have left to do and knowing that we already planned this. I'm not one to fight anyway- I just get mad and want to fight but am a big softie as well- which would explain why we constantly bend for others.