update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

Future Mrs. Posted: Dec 07, 2006 09:41 PM

update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

Some of you gave me some really great advice to my dilemma this week.....regarding my step mother and how to include her in my wedding without dishonoring my REAL mom.

BACKGROUND....my parents divorced when I was younger, my dad's been married to step mother for more than 20 yrs. but she is NOT my mom, and my REAL MOM died 2 years ago.

My dad was really upset with me that I wasn't involveing my step mother in my wedding.

Based on all of your helpful advice, I have asked her to do a reading. NOT walking down the aisle or anything.....just a reading.

My dad also convinced me to ask her two granddaughters, who he is really close with to be flower girls. They are 4 and 7. I don't even know them that well.....but it makes my dad happy.

My question is.........do you think I am dishonoring my Mom by having my step mother read, and having her grandchildren as flower girls? I know this may sound crazy but it is really bothering me.

mrsh2b Posted: Dec 07, 2006 09:44 PM

Re: update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

I don't think so at all. I think it's really nice of you to include all of them. Even though it's not your 'real' family biologically speaking, it's still your family. I'm sure your mom is very proud that she raised such a mature, thoughtful, sensitive person. Kudos to you!

daniebc16 Posted: Dec 07, 2006 09:45 PM

Re: update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

I honestly do not think that it is dishonoring your mother at all. Your stepmother has been in your life for 20 years, and although she is NOT your mother, what is wrong with showing that she is special to you too. I think your mother is smiling down on you and is probably touched that you are feeling this way, but honestly, nobody can take the place of your mother, you know that, your dad knows that, your stepmother knows that as, and I am almost 100% certain that your mother knows that as well.

JazzyT Posted: Dec 07, 2006 09:46 PM

Re: update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

Not at all, if she was good to you all these years you should include her and this is a great way.

Dee606 Posted: Dec 07, 2006 09:48 PM

Re: update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

No, I do not think so at all. It is a very nice gesture for you to include them. Think of how happy your dad will be. Are you going to have a memorial candle for your mom? Maybe you can even attach a picture of her to your bouquet- I will be going that for a loved one that has passed. Here's a pic of how it can look....

4031531_1.jpg

eunicsd006 Posted: Dec 07, 2006 09:59 PM

Re: update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

i think a pic in the bouquet is a great idea...im sure ur mom would have been so proud of u .....i think that its a great idea to inclde ur step mom in ur wedding shes ben in ur life a long time...

TLC1018 Posted: Dec 07, 2006 10:03 PM

Re: update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

I love the idea of carrying a picture that way...in the bouquet! It's a very nice way to keep your mom close to you on such an important day!

MnM52607 Posted: Dec 07, 2006 10:30 PM

Re: update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

I think it is wonderful of you to worry about honoring your mother's memory. I don't think it is dishonoring her if you use your step-mother and her family in your wedding. They are part of your family now. And I am sure your mother is excited that you have someone there that cares for you and your dad.

snydl40 Posted: Dec 07, 2006 10:55 PM

Re: update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

Not at all. By including your stepmother and her granddaughters, I am sure it only makes your mother prouder to have such a thoughtful daughter.

PegaLega Posted: Dec 08, 2006 12:23 AM

Re: update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

Posted by mrsh2b

I don't think so at all. I think it's really nice of you to include all of them. Even though it's not your 'real' family biologically speaking, it's still your family. I'm sure your mom is very proud that she raised such a mature, thoughtful, sensitive person. Kudos to you!

I completely agree. No matter what they are still a part of your family and obviously you have a big heart wanting to include them

SchmearandGoose Posted: Dec 08, 2006 05:24 AM

Re: update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

You're doing a very very special thing by honoring your step-mother. Don't feel bad about it at all. Why don't you do something during your wedding where you feel like you are really honoring your mother so you feel that both women are represented on your wedding day?

TnOiOnL Posted: Dec 08, 2006 07:52 AM

Re: update to a 'sticky situation' and need more advice

I dont think so at all.. Your mom is your mom. Everyone knows that. A step-mom can be just as good but she'll never be ur mom.. shes got a special place and ur family knows that. And its lovely that ur able to include ur stepmom. I know alot of girls on here who would never even THINK of doing that... and my FH would NEVERRRRRRRRR include his moms boyfriend in ANYTHING and they have been together for 20 years!!!!