Updated: Complicated! - Bridal Shower

Update: I was going to speak to my Godmother (Mother Sister) to see if she heard anything before I tried my mother yet again...

My FH called me at work and said 'don't worry everything is being taken care of' but not by my mother. Apparently my mother won't have any part in it because she doesn't want to piss my father off by doing so.
Still mad at my mother for not talking to us since we bought a house, but at least this is one other piece of drama 'solved'!

eta: just because it's so cute.. even though i'm not supposed to know.. my grandma is having a major part in the process!


Old Post:
Since my FH and I bought our house my parents haven't spoken a word to us. (Long Story for another place and time).

My FMIL had mentioned to me that she wanted to throw my bridal shower. I told her if that is what she wanted to do, that is okay with me, however I would want her (or someone) to talk to my mother to ensure that she really wasn't planning on doing anything.

MY MOH was put to that charge and supposedly my mother keeps telling her 'I'm working on it' with no other details and my MOH doesn't want to press the subject.

Basically everyone is waiting to hear from my mother (and I haven't spoke to her in 5 months nor her to I) so how could she possibly be planning anything? How would she even know if/when I'm free to set a date to even begin planning anything? (I work some sporadic weekends, and have lots of stuff on my calendar at any given time and she should know that)

I'm thinking that's she's telling my MOH what she thinks my MOH want's to hear as to not be the 'bad mother' but at the same time, if everyone keeps waiting around will it be too late to plan anything once they realize nothing is being done?

I want to call her to ask but every time i've called for any reason all I get is 'I'm busy.. let me call you back.. or I'll call you later' and well.. that's never happened.

MY FMIL won't call her as she feels she'd get angry on the phone based on what my parents have done to us all ready.

There's 4 months to the wedding so my FMIL and a few of my bridesmaids seemed to think major decisions should have been made all ready. I'm not sure? When is a bridal shower usually thrown?

Any ideas what to do?
Do I just tell my FMIL to go ahead and start planning?
I didn't/don't want to really be involved as I wanted it to be a surprise, but at the same time noone knows what to do.. and well that leads back to me somehow to make a decision....

Thanks for any advice/help in advance

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this must be very rough. I would say let your FMIL go ahead with planning your shower I think its very gracious of her and just hope that your mother does come around. I hope everything works out in time for your wedding

since idk what happened with your mom im going to give her the benefit of the doubt. try calling her and dont let her rush you off the phone. if she does all you can say is that you tried and to go ahead and let your fmil plan it. sorry you have to go through this. its supposed to be a happy time in your life. make sure that people dont change that. because believe me-- they will try

Traditionally, I always thought the bridal party was responsible for the shower and if the mom helped out it was a bonus.
Is there someone else in your family they could talk to besides your mom that might have more info, a sibling? dad? grandparent?
Perhaps you could send an email or a letter if she wont talk.
Good luck.

Thanks guys!

I'm thinking maybe i'll try another phone call tomorrow and if that doesn't happen, I'm going to just tell my FMIL to go ahead with what ever she wants...
I just don't want anyone to start planning and find out someone else all ready had $ down somewhere or that 2 sets of invites go out.

My cousin is my MOH so she keeps in touch with my Aunt and my Grandma (mothers sister and mother) so if they had any information I'm sure she would have heard from them.

I'll let you guys know what happens....

oh man.. this is a really rough one. im so sorry. i would say have fmil and bp do their thing and to try and call mom to tell her and before she can push you off the phone tell her about situation.