Upset with FI (LONG!!) (UPDATE at bottom)

hmpena Posted: May 24, 2005 11:54 PM

Upset with FI (LONG!!) (UPDATE at bottom)

I am very upset with him right now. Long story short, one of my sisters (I have 3) originally was not a BM. We weren't speaking and we said some really harsh things. Since my cat died in Jan. she has made an effort to communicate and we speak here and there. We used to be really close but she just has issues. As the year has progressed she has been more involved in my wedding and is trying to help me with things. She told me that since she is working a good job (she is younger than me) and doesn't have to pay bills, she wants to give FI and I a generous wedding present. This really moved me because she knows our parents don't have much $$ and I began to feel that it just wouldn't be right if she wasn't in the wedding. I mentioned to FI that I wanted to ask her and he seemed ok with it. Well, I spoke to her tonight &asked her to think about being in the wedding & FI seemed pissy when I told him this. He said I should have talked to him about it & I think I did! I feel like he didn't pay attention to what I was saying (which he does often now)! His sister (who neither of us are so thrilled with) is a bm because he wants her to be not because I want her. Ugh, I am just upset with his reaction... she is my sister. Who cares if the freakin' bp is uneven!

Just had to vent... thanks for listening.

serendipity0680 Posted: May 25, 2005 06:28 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

These situations can get sticky but just take a breath and try to remember that things always tend to work out. I also feel that it doesn't matter if the BP is uneven.

beautyq115 Posted: May 25, 2005 06:32 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

I am sorry that you are going through this.

It doesn't matter if the BP is uneven.

I can relate with having my FI's sister in the BP...I am so afraid that she is going to get wasted and ruin it or just not show up But my FI wanted her in the BP...I guess its the right thing to do...

Your FI should understand that having your sis in the BP is the right thing to do too

bridetobe Posted: May 25, 2005 09:19 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

She is your sister and you have every right to invite her to be a BM in your wedding. He should not even give it a second thought.

july06bride Posted: May 25, 2005 09:28 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

Its your sister if you want her in BP you should be able to! as for his reaction, maybe he was just surprised ...but he will get over it... As for the # being uneven that DEF does NOT matter- mine is not

iffer042373 Posted: May 25, 2005 09:35 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

She is your sister and you want her in the BP then she should be Look it doesn't matter if the BP is uneven this happens all the time and one guy looks like a stud cuz he walks with two girls lol lol.

Anyway about having his sister in the BP I understand thi s cuz I had to put one of my FH sisters in the party I really didn't want to but I did just to make him happy.

MayBride06 Posted: May 25, 2005 09:36 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

cindyandkevin Posted: May 25, 2005 09:40 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

Aw, so sorry Hollie!!

You should def have your sis as a BM, she seems to have been really making an effort lately and that's commendable. Esp if she's offering to give you 2 a generous wedding gift, then you really should include her. You're prob right, he prob wasn't paying attention and he's mad at himself but just taking it out on you. Don't know why guys do that!!!

As for the BP being uneven, isn't there another guy that your FI could ask so that would bring your # back up? If he's that upset about it, I wanted ours to be even so I made it work out, but he'll get over it either way.

Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff!!!

DCSAAB06 Posted: May 25, 2005 09:42 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

Hollie, sorry to hear that you are down about this situation.
I think you are doing the right thing as for asking ur sister to be a BM regardless of the uneven part. Im sure that when you werent talking, that had to be hard for you too so now that the relationship is starting to progress, your FH should be happy about that.
Family is family and as much as not all can get along, its still your family and FH needs to understand that just like his sister being a BM was important to him...your sister being a BM is important to you now as well.

You are doing the right thing and all will come together.

leighdvm Posted: May 25, 2005 09:45 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

Sorry Hollie! FH doesn't listen to me sometimes too and I just want to kill him!!

He told his SIL that I would be asking her to be in my BP. ummmm, no I wasn't and no I didn't.

soontobemrsv Posted: May 25, 2005 10:28 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

aw, im sorry bout that hollie, but i think you did the right thing and i believe everything will work out in the end.

leese Posted: May 25, 2005 10:37 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

I'm so sorry you are having an issue!

At our engagement party, FH leaned in and asked me if he could ask ONE more guy!! He had mentioned it to me prior to...but he really wasn't sure if he was even going to ask ANY of them that night. So...our bridal party went uneven. But I think it's just more important to have the RIGHT people and not just the RIGHT AMOUNT of people.

Question is... in 20 years, would you have regretted not having her? I think you figured that out and I think that's great.

FH doesn't listen to me either. I'd explain to him again that you DID tell him...

JessicaM. Posted: May 25, 2005 10:59 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

I understand you being upset. I just asked my youngest sister to be in it yesterday and we'll be uneven, but you're right...she is your sister.

I also understand your ire at FH for not listening...my FH has been guilty of the same. I think all of this wedding talk makes him (my FH) uncomfortable at times...it can be overwhelming. It's annoying because then when you do make a change or a commitment based on what you've told them...only then do they perk up and listen, often when it is too late.

I guess this is just an example of the differences men and women have towards all of this.

sorry you are upset...

kellwolfe Posted: May 25, 2005 11:02 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

Oh honey I am sorry .....they can all be jerks at times ...and I hear you I only have one sister who is younger and is VERY hard to deal with the only reason she is my MOH is for my mother! ...... Mike has said something about my sister which he is right about ...But its my sister so it gets me upset .....
I am glad that you asked her and your building up your relationship .....and he loves you he will come around - But I dont blame you for being upset at all .....

Vent away thats what were here for!

buggiegirl Posted: May 25, 2005 11:22 AM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

what a crappy situation!! i agree with you though- you sister should be a bm if you are even remotely getting along. she is family!!

as far as fh- he should be more understanding!! but mine does the same- NEVER LISTENS!! it is so aggravating! i feel like if they would just listen it would solve alot of issues!!

anyway- if i were you i would just sit down with fh and explain to him that this is very important to you, and that you thought he understood what you planned to do.

good luck!

conigs25 Posted: May 25, 2005 12:29 PM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!)

She is your SISTER!!!! Dont forget that. That is VERY impt and she MUST be in your wedding if that is what you want. Your FI has no say in it as far as Im concerned! Its your SISTER!!!!

hmpena Posted: May 25, 2005 02:22 PM

Re: Upset with FI (LONG!!) (UPDATE at bottom)

Thanks for your support ladies.

I spoke to FI and expressed my feelings. He stated that he is ok with my decision but he felt that I didn't let him know I was definitely going to do this. I disagree and think he didn't listen, but all is well now. He supports my decision and we decided to let his friend Mike be the stud and have 2 women on his arm.

Thanks again ladies for being there for me... much love to all of you!