URGH!

ok, FH's second cousin (who we just met about 3 or 4 years ago, but only see maybe once or twice a year) IM'd me about 2 weeks ago telling me she feels bad, but she can't make it to our wedding because her friend is getting married the same day and asked her to be a BM.
I told her not to worry about it. (honestly, its not a big deal, she gets really clingy and annoying anyway)

well she just im'd me again:

[11:35] HER: hey
[11:36] HER: so i am so upset at my friend right now
[11:36] ME: whats up?
[11:36] HER: i am MISSING you and joe's wedding, missing being with my FAMILY to go to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and she is actually a selfish stuck up *****
[11:36] ME: lol
[11:36] HER: i'm really upset
[11:36] ME: i'm sorry
[11:36] HER: she said something so out of line
[11:36] ME: ??
[11:37] HER: i am completely shocked at her and did not expect it of her
[11:37] HER: she's like, so, we're not going to have people bring 'guests' unless they're married or have significant others
[11:37] HER: i'm in the bridal party and missing my cousin's wedding for you, i am not 'people'
[11:37] HER: so, unless you are married, come alone,
[11:38] ME: thats normal
[11:38] ME: honestly... it is
[11:38] HER: i was like really, i am a bridesmaid, let me bring a date
[11:38] HER: like i'm going out of my way for her
[11:38] ME: yea, but maybe she can't afford your date
[11:38] ME: the chat on the wedding boards is all about this
[11:38] HER: then she asks me if i brought a date to the last wedding i went to, like what the hell does that have to do wtih antything? honestly, i was ABLE to bring a date, megan (my firend who got married) invited me to bring someone
[11:38] HER: this girl has MONEY
[11:38] HER: she can afford it
[11:39] ME: most brides dont like 'meeting' people at their wedding
[11:39] HER: i'm a bridesmaid, it's different'
[11:39] HER: she was very insensitive about her remark,
[11:39] HER: like lisa is always single, she's not good enough
[11:39] HER: it made me feel like ****
[11:39] ME: well dont
[11:40] ME: its hard on the bride too... cause like I don't want a friend to bring a date that I dont know
[11:40] ME: I dont want to meet people the night of my wedding...
[11:41] ME: its different if you bring a date and she KNOWS that person
[11:41] ME: like my one bm I'm inviting stag, the other I'm inviting witha guest.
[11:41] ME: did you tell her your upset about it?
[11:42] Meebo Message: HER is offline



did I say something out of line? she signed off abruptly and hasn't signed back on... but she's on FB. so I have to assume she didn't like my answer.
should I have said something different?
thanks girls

Honestly, I do think its wrong that she's not invited with a date. One of our GMs does not have a SO, but he is invited with a date anyway. He is laying out money and time to be a special part of our wedding, its the least we can do.

ETA: We have the same policy of 'No significant relationship, no +1'

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Posted by MikesBride2B

Honestly, I do think its wrong that she's not invited with a date. One of our GMs does not have a SO, but he is invited with a date anyway. He is laying out money and time to be a special part of our wedding, its the least we can do.

ETA: We have the same policy of 'No significant relationship, no +1'

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I agree.

I can't imagine not giving my BM or GM the opportunity to bring a guest. But, that's just me. Everyone is different!

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Posted by Kristan35

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Posted by MikesBride2B

Honestly, I do think its wrong that she's not invited with a date. One of our GMs does not have a SO, but he is invited with a date anyway. He is laying out money and time to be a special part of our wedding, its the least we can do.

ETA: We have the same policy of 'No significant relationship, no +1'

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I agree.

I can't imagine not giving my BM or GM the opportunity to bring a guest. But, that's just me. Everyone is different!

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ita

Bridesmaids spend a pantload of money when they're in a BP...$$$ for a dress, shoes, hair and makeup (if they choose to do so), shower, shower gift, bach party, wedding gift...

I do think all members of a BP should be invited with a guest. The ball is then in their court; they can decide whether or not to bring someone. But give them the courtesy of deciding, for sure.

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Posted by kris_gets_hitched

Bridesmaids spend a pantload of money when they're in a BP...$$$ for a dress, shoes, hair and makeup (if they choose to do so), shower, shower gift, bach party, wedding gift...

I do think all members of a BP should be invited with a guest. The ball is then in their court; they can decide whether or not to bring someone. But give them the courtesy of deciding, for sure.

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i agree

It doesnt look like you said anything wrong...you were just trying to explain it from the bride's POV>

I think it's wrong to invite a BM without a date. I would invite all my bms with dates, even if I didn't know them, or they didnt have a boyfriend.

I'm also inviting anyone in their 20s and up with a date.

I dont think you have to do that, but BMs, I would definitely invite. Messed up IMO

thanks girls.... she actually signed back on about 30 minutes ago and hasn't written me.. so I'm def assuming she's mad at my reply, I guess she thought I'd say something else, unless maybe she wants me to say 'eff her, come to my wedding?' we're sending her a STD and an invite anyway... and i told her that (last time)

I wouldn't tell a BP member that they couldn't bring someone if they asked. However, we are only inviting people who are dating, in a relationship, etc. with a guest.

I don't think you did anything wrong, because you were expressing your honest opinion, and there are different opinions on this subject.

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Posted by SerenityEthereal

I agree meg. We did the same thing and ppl need to understand that. BUT at the same time, as a BM or GM you should be able to bring a date.

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I Just hate the fact that she im's me and then stops talking to me because i told her more or less its the couples choice.

ps- i kinda lost your address again lol... well it kinda got lost in my text messages, so i need it again

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Posted by Im_My_Own_Princess

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Posted by SerenityEthereal

I agree meg. We did the same thing and ppl need to understand that. BUT at the same time, as a BM or GM you should be able to bring a date.

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I Just hate the fact that she im's me and then stops talking to me because i told her more or less its the couples choice.

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That's one thing I hate about emailing/texting/im'ing, A LOT gets lost in communication. Honestly, I wouldn't read too deeply into your signing off abruptly.