VENT

CaseyNTim Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:14 PM

VENT

SOO I had planned on doing a RD a small one with just my bridal party, our parents, and anyone involved in the wedding (flower girl, readers, etc) Well my mom (who hasnt helped in anyway with this wedding because she moved to Colorado) asks me how I am doing financially (another area she hasnt helped in) I explained that we have all the money for the vendors and we are just saving up for the BIG payment for the place, and also we are saving for the RD- and I said I am only going to do about 30 people... she goes 30?? Who are you inviting? I tell her... she goes 'you have to invite OOT guests...' I said no i don't, 'well this is etiquette casey' UMMMM I dont like prob about 90% of her family, why would I want to do a RD with them? and really I would much rather go to a nice place, spend a good amount of money on the 30 people who are part of my wedding show my appreciation and do whatever and call it a day... Is this so wrong of me??? I am like FUMING

Lsorrent Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:15 PM

Re: VENT

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and yes it's your wedding and you can really do whatever you want, but it generally is etiquette to invite OOT'ers to the RD if it's the night before the wedding

ETA: the only reason I'm not inviting OOT guests to mine is because it's the week before so they won't be in town yet

DaniandKen2010 Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:17 PM

Re: VENT

Nope we had the same issue. Put your foot down you do not have to pay for dinner for them.

allornil Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:17 PM

Re: VENT

it's completely not wrong of you.

here, I'll give you my fav line. PISSES my Mom off to no end. She would have done that etiquette crap w me too.

Oh well too bad Mom, deal with it. Gotta go..BYE!

lol

CaseyNTim Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:19 PM

Re: VENT

Posted by Lsorrent

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and yes it's your wedding and you can really do whatever you want, but it generally is etiquette to invite OOT'ers to the RD if it's the night before the wedding

ETA: the only reason I'm not inviting OOT guests to mine is because it's the week before so they won't be in town yet

Maybe thats what Ill do so I dont have to

BriansWifey Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:19 PM

Re: VENT

our rd was our bp and their dates, our parents, uncles, grandparents and the priest. some of these people were oot. but if we invited ALL oot guests our rd would have been about 100 people and that is just ridiculous and out of hand. i understand its etiquette (yes our rd was the day before the wedding) but it would have turned into a HUGE bill, not to mention the place that we had the dinner could not accomodate 100 people in the room we booked...
do wat u want!

Golden Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:20 PM

Re: VENT

PLAIN AND SIMPLE- If you don't have the money, YOU CANT DO IT! If your mom can't help at all financially then I hate to be rude but she has NO SAY SO! I am going through a similar situation and it's so annoying! Who cares about etiquette if you don't have the money??? is it more rude to invite all OOT and make them pay for their dinner or not to invite them at all because you simply can't afford it.

CaseyNTim Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:20 PM

Re: VENT

Posted by BriansWifey

our rd was our bp and their dates, our parents, uncles, grandparents and the priest. some of these people were oot. but if we invited ALL oot guests our rd would have been about 100 people and that is just ridiculous and out of hand. i understand its etiquette (yes our rd was the day before the wedding) but it would have turned into a HUGE bill, not to mention the place that we had the dinner could not accomodate 100 people in the room we booked...
do wat u want!

Thats exactly what my issue is- that my mom doesnt realize because I went to school away- all my friends are OOT guests also- plus her family, plus FH OOT family/guests- it would basically be the whole wedding again

mrsdraskin2009 Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:32 PM

Re: VENT

Tell her, if SHE pays, she can invite the OOT guests.

SoontobeMrs.Brown Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:34 PM

Re: VENT

Posted by CaseyNTim

Posted by Lsorrent

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and yes it's your wedding and you can really do whatever you want, but it generally is etiquette to invite OOT'ers to the RD if it's the night before the wedding

ETA: the only reason I'm not inviting OOT guests to mine is because it's the week before so they won't be in town yet

Maybe thats what Ill do so I dont have to

PERFECT!!!!

elp6421 Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:35 PM

Re: VENT

I am going to have a lot of OOT guests and only close family and people in the wedding will be invited. I really don't think people expect to come.

vv117 Posted: Apr 22, 2010 02:37 PM

Re: VENT

i agree it's the right thing to do, but we're not doing it either to a certain extent. FH's parents guest list and a majority of our college friends are OOT guests. If we invited our bridal party, close family and OOT guests we'd be inviting our entire wedding except for 20 or so people. sorry...not happening...

we're inviting close friends and family, regardless of whether they live locally or OOT. those are the people i want there bc they are special to me.

i've traveled for MANY weddings and haven't been invited to all RDs. it's fine by me!

jme78 Posted: Apr 22, 2010 03:01 PM

Re: VENT

If you can do it, great, but its not expected.

You have to do what you can afford.

I went to a wedding 2 weeks ago and there was no RD - the B&G just had dinner with their parents and siblings (that was their entire BP). That was what worked for them and it was fine!

Cookie De La Devine Posted: Apr 22, 2010 03:02 PM

Re: VENT

Mom should foot the bill or at least contribute if she is so worried about etiquette. Im sorry but if your paying for everything I dont think anyone but the two of you can make decisons about things like this. I welcome suggestions but when it comes down to it if no ones putting in- they can stuff it, We have said that to both FH family and my family.
Im sure you would love to accomodate everyone but when it comes down to it - its a Rehersal dinner- feed the people who are needed for the rehearsal of your wedding.

sorry so long im in a jerky mood

Iluvpoodles Posted: Apr 22, 2010 03:04 PM

Re: VENT

You can invite whoever you want. Some people don't even have RD's.

summerbride20 Posted: Apr 22, 2010 03:10 PM

Re: VENT

I've been an OOT guest at three weddings. one was one of my closest friends and two were family- one aunt, one close cousin and I wasn't invited to any of the three's RD. so I say forget etiquette do what you want!