VENT

I am having such a rough start to the year ... I'm starting to think that my wedding is a lost cause ...

My father passed away a week before our engagement party, and I've been destroyed since. We got screwed over once before by a venue, realized we did not have the finances to cover, and had to postpone our wedding. My FH is having such a hard time at his job (blizzards really hurt car sales), and I cant cover our car payment, rent, and come up with the remainder of our wedding money on my own. Now, the financial problems are just hurting our relationship. I took on a 2nd job, and might even need a 3rd, but as it is, I work about 60+ hours a week. My wonderful mother offered to lend me $5k, but we still might not make the remaining $8k that we owe out. I'm still sitting on my Save-The-Dates, because at this point, I doubt we are even going to have a wedding ...

I'm sorry to be unloading on all of my fellow brides, I just needed to let it out to someone ...

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Posted by jovigirl414

We got a deal based on our date ... changing the date would only change the price, and probably not for the better ... I tried looking into cutting the guest list down - dont ask me how it grew at that point! hahaha

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If you say moving your date will make it worse I believe you, but August is prime wedding season... it's still early enough that if you considered getting married in winter, the off season after Halloween, that a) Smithtown Landing might still have a date available, b) they still have time to rebook your date and c) you have enough time to move your other vendors around and find new ones if necessary and d) more time to save more money

I feel you on the $$ situation, I'm sorry it's so rough for you

I'm so sorry.

We already left all our deposits ... We got such an amazing deal at Landing, I feel it would be silly to try and change things for a lower price (we are at 92/pp after tax and gratuity - for a summer night wedding)... plus, that would be the 2nd date change. As far as postponing to winter, not an option - I hate EVERYTHING about winter - the cold, the snow, the bad roads, blech! Plus, the girls already have summery dresses.

I just want to scream!

I am sorry you are going through this. What if you postpone it a year? This way if gives you more time to save money. I know it isn't ideal but it is not worth killing yourself and stressing you and you fh out. Trust me I wish I was getting married this year but I decided we needed another year to save money. Speak with your vendors. They may be willing to work with you and apply the deposit to next year. Trust me they rather get the whole contract amount and not just this deposit.

Maybe cut in other areas. Like don't do ablums right away or if you have 2 photographers have 1. Try and cut some of the extras with the DJ.

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Posted by Im getting Married

Maybe cut in other areas. Like don't do ablums right away or if you have 2 photographers have 1. Try and cut some of the extras with the DJ.

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ITA with this.
First try to cut you guest list down a much as you can.
I am not sure what vendors you have and the packages you got but maybe you can just get a basic photo package and make your own albums after. Flowers maybe you can make your own CP's. Video- maybe you can just get the raw footage. There a few ways of cutting down and sitll have a beautiful wedding.. It can be done! FM me if you want to talk or get some ideas.

join the club we had to cancel our wedding too, and didnt get our deposit back and now we're getting married at home, so much less stress yet im sure a few months before the wedding I will be making this same vent because i cant afford to throw it at home either!! LOL, just get through it and dont do anything you cant afford!!!


So sorry about your dad!!! My parents arent going to be at my wedding either, I know how you feel!! Its almost impossible to not let it come in between your relationship, If i can change anything about getting engaged is to get married as QUICK AS POSSIBLE!!! the time before the wedding is very very stressful and can cause problems.

Let it out, we are here for you

Hi Ladies .. Thank you all for your kind words and input ...

I just thought I would give a small update: I talked to FH about whats going on and how I'm stressing over everything - he thinks I'm just going nuts, haha! When I told him all of my fears regarding the finances, he assured me that his grandparents have money aside for him whenever needed, and that, after we get our tax returns and borrow the money my mother offered to lend, we should only be about $2k short, which puts us in a much better position. I can come up with $2k no problem, it was the remaining 10 I was freaking out over! After this conversation, FH asked me to just have more faith in him, that he would come up with a way to make our day all that we dreamed of, and he reassured me that he will not let me down ... So for now, I think I will just put my faith in his words and try to think positive (for once). I mean, I didn't want to borrow money from my mother, she's really not in that position, but as a last resort, she does not want me to have to cancel/postpone the biggest day of our lives again.

I am still very open to any input if my fellow brides have any ... But thanks again to everyone for their advice and LIW hugs!

I am so happy you spoke to him and you two and going to find a way to work this out. My dad also recently passed away and it has been very hard for me with the wedding coming up. My FH also was laid off during the planning so I totally agree with you about $$ issues. I am sending love your way and it will all work out one way or another....dont worry!

I'm so so sorry you are going through this. I have to say that I actually completely understand what you are going through and it's a really dififcult decison..

We got engaged in early 2004 and set our wedding date for December 2006. In early 2005 my dad walked out on us, not only meaning that he wouldn't help with the wedding, but leaving my mom who hadn't worked in 30 years with 5 figures of outstanding bills and a mortgage to pay.

At the time I was disabled and FH was trying to support me and help my mom. Then they had massive layoffs at his job. He got another job, got laid off again, lather, rinse, repeat. We went back and forth a few times and ultimately ended up postponing our wedding.

In that time we've also also lost 5 grandparents, an uncle, and FFIL, so it's been VERY difficult.

We're finally getting married now in 2011, 3.5 years after our original wedding date. It stinks that our life had to go 'on hold' for so long, but we made it through and we are 10000000X times stronger as a couple.

Looking back, because FH and I also had relationship problems due to all of the stress, I can't say I wish we had pushed ahead with the wedding because I don't know if we'd have made it through. I think things work out for the best and whatever you decide will be the right thing.