Vent about Bridal Shower (long!!!)

So I don't know much about my shower. My mom and sister sometimes have trouble hiding things, but so far I really don't know anything. Unfortunately though, my mom has trouble keeping secrets, especially when she is upset with something.

I know when she first started making plans for the shower she called FMIL and eventually told me she was a little annoyed b/c she didn't offer to help at all. She mentioned one idea, that my mom wasn't crazy about, but my mom didn't really let her know it. So my mom and sister (MOH) have been doing most of the work. My sister includes the BM, my cousin and FSIL and my mom calls FMIL to fill her in.

Well i just came home from some errands and my mom was like I just got off the phone with FMIL and she is doing that thing that I didn't want her to do. FMIL and FSIL apparently made a decision to do something, without talking to my mom and the other BM. So needless to say my mom is upset. My mom said in the long run it's probably not the worst thing, but it's just not something my mom would choose to do and since my mom is footing the bill for everything, she felt she should be included in the decision.

So I understand where my mom is coming from. A little background info, my mom and FMIL have known each other a long time and my mom really doesn't like her, but FH and his family don't know that. That's why future holidays scare me. I know my mom doesn't want to be with her, so I don't know how that will go, but that's another story!! Anyway...I'm kind of sick to my stomach now b/c I hate that my mom is upset, that FMIL is making her upset, that I don't know what they are talking about and I'm not going to find out for awhile and that my mom keeps telling me things that I'm really not supposed to know! I just want this all to be over already!!!!!

Ii'm sure your mom wants the best for you. As hard as it may be I think that you might have to sit down with your mom and tell her that she needs to separate what she's planning for you and vent to someone else. Tell her how it makes you feel and that you don't want to be caught in the middle of it. This is about you and what will make you happy.
If your MIL is only making a decision about this one thing, Your mom can just let it go.

all i can say is, im right there with you sister my shower is becoming a nightmare situation - even FH and I are fighting about it. id prefer not to have one than to have the stress that has thus far been associated

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Posted by KarinAmanda

all i can say is, im right there with you sister my shower is becoming a nightmare situation - even FH and I are fighting about it. id prefer not to have one than to have the stress that has thus far been associated

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I'm sorry you're having problems too! FH doesn't know much about the shower and I wouldn't feel right saying something to him about his mom, as much as I would like to!

I really didn't think it would bring on this much stress for everyone. I've been involved in showers before...other than making sure it's a surprise and that everyone knows what their part is, I've haven't had problems.

I've told my mom that she can't tell me things, but I know it's hard since I'm still in the house with her and that's just her. Really none of us can keep secrets about anything! and I know her feelings for FMIL are getting the way and she's trying not to let them, but it's hard. I also know it's partly b/c of the fact that my dad isn't around anymore and she wishes she had him to vent to also and he would give her advice and would be on her side. So I have to give her the benefit of the doubt in that respect, but still...

my mom and sister ran an errand and i texted my sister to see if everything was ok. she said my mom calmed down (which she always does eventually) and that my sister is going to talk to FSIL and try to mediate the situation.

I just hope it all works out in the end. I hate being in the middle. I mean, I have to hear my mom see her upset and then go see FMIL and know what's going and I can't say anything about it.

I can relate to what you are going through and I feel for you...I know for a fact that my birdal shower is becoming a real life nightmare...I do think that your MIL should be including your mother... I think it is rude for what she is doing!!

I hope things get better for you!!!

thanks everyone! my mom has calmed down for the most part. she told me it has something to do with the game prizes ( b/c she can't keep anything a secret! ) so it's really not that big of a deal, but i know my mom has already thinking of ideas and actually buying things as prizes. I even said, usually the BP handles the games and prizes. I know that's what I was usually in charge of for the showers I've been a part of. So I really don't understand with MIL is set on getting the prizes. As of right now, that is the only thing she is contributing to this shower. Prizes!!

I know it's not a big deal, and so does my mom, it's more the principal of the thing for my mom anyway. This just makes me nervous for what my future will hold with our families!

I'm glad I'm not the only one out there dealing with things like this, but I hope all our troubles go away and soon! We should be happy during this time, not stressing anymore than we have to!