Vent about FH

mrswask Posted: Mar 09, 2004 05:24 PM

Vent about FH

I feel like half the time he is not even interested in me!! I am going crazy, working 6 days a week, two jobs and planning this wedding with virtually no help from anyone else. He's working two jobs and many hours as well and is always tired. I feel like whenever I call him when I am at work and he is at home, he'll talk for like 3 minutes and then just want to go back to whatever stupid movie he is watching. So of course I just sent him a stupid email telling him that i was sick of this and maybe he wasn't ready to get married, or maybe he should walk down the aisle with his TV! What is with me??? But what is with him?

Lorena Posted: Mar 09, 2004 05:31 PM

Re: Vent about FH

Sounds like you are both stressed and in need of both together time and time for yourselves. He's probably so happy to have some time to himself that he doesn't realize how he blows you off on the phone or however else he does . Sit down and talk to him about it. Does he realize how frustrated you are? Maybe you need to spell it out.

Good luck

soon2bmrs2004 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 05:32 PM

Re: Vent about FH

I feel your pain!!!
Of course he wants to marry you, this is just a stressful time for the two of you because of the long hours you guys are working.
Things will get better and in the end you will have a wonderful wedding to show for all of this hard work you guys have done.
Chin up...this too shall pass

mrswask Posted: Mar 09, 2004 05:35 PM

Re: Vent about FH

Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies. Do you ever feel like you want marriage counseling before you are even married??

Lorena Posted: Mar 09, 2004 05:44 PM

Re: Vent about FH

Sometimes. Actually, we've been going to precana every week for our wedding (obviously we're marrying in a church) and we weren't expecting it to be so much like marriage counseling. It's actually kind of interesting because it forces you to discuss things you may not otherwise discuss. Anyway, regardless of your religion I think the point is to know where the other person's head is at on certain subjects and to remember to take time for each other outside of the wedding planning.

MegLehner Posted: Mar 09, 2004 05:44 PM

Re: Vent about FH

FH and I are considering counseling. We are in the same boat as you - we both work and go to school fulltime and are having a hard time communicating lately. Lately we have been taking time at night to just hang with each other without the tv on or just taking a drive - my FH is tv/computer addicted too. It seems to be helping cause then he goes and does his thing and then I do mine, but I dont feel as distant cause we at least talked for an hour or so.

steph4777 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 06:00 PM

Re: Vent about FH

Pick a day that the two of you can go out to lunch talk about your expectations of the relationship and how you feel about things.

Don't talk about the wedding, focus more about the marriage and your relationship. If you don't talk openly, then you will continue to get frustrated.

RedHead Posted: Mar 09, 2004 07:12 PM

Re: Vent about FH

Posted by Lorena

Sounds like you are both stressed and in need of both together time and time for yourselves. He's probably so happy to have some time to himself that he doesn't realize how he blows you off on the phone or however else he does . Sit down and talk to him about it. Does he realize how frustrated you are? Maybe you need to spell it out.

Good luck

said perfectly!!!!

wood2be Posted: Mar 09, 2004 07:26 PM

Re: Vent about FH

I'm right there with you! I'm glad we are going to Pre-Cana, at least it's some type of counseling. My biigest problem is when we talk about things after the wedding, like having kids or how I want to decorate the house, I get 'one step at a time, let's get down the aisle first.' Some days I love him to death, but I just don't like him!

Bride2B93 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 07:34 PM

Re: Vent about FH

Michal, Don't worry! Planning a wedding is such a stressful time! I totally understand! I feel like my FH and I hardly see each other these days also! Between work, school, his work, the firehouse... I agree with the other girls; Sit down and take some couple time and don't even mention 'the wedding'. I know it sounds cheesy, but take time to fall in love again and remind yourselves why you are doing all of this crazy planning to begin with. I know everything will work out!!! I'm here if you need to talk!!! I'll see you on the 20th -Erin

nferrandi Posted: Mar 09, 2004 07:45 PM

Re: Vent about FH

Maybe you guys should plan a little (cheap) weekend getaway to reconnect, even if it's just for one night. Get a bottle of champagne, some candles and rose petals and just spend some quality, alone time without discussing the wedding.

janwinterbridejoy Posted: Mar 09, 2004 08:19 PM

Re: Vent about FH

Posted by nferrandi

Maybe you guys should plan a little (cheap) weekend getaway to reconnect, even if it's just for one night. Get a bottle of champagne, some candles and rose petals and just spend some quality, alone time without discussing the wedding.

i totally agree i think thats a great idea

July2004Bride Posted: Mar 09, 2004 08:19 PM

Re: Vent about FH

Definitely sit down and have a long talk about everything!! I'm sure it's just that both of you are really tired and stressed and it takes a toll on a relationship. Maybe you guys should take a day or so off from work (even though you have the wedding and bills) and just try to be with each other and go out without having to worry about who's got to get to work... I'm sure just spending some quality time together is all you need!!

jessicae129 Posted: Mar 09, 2004 08:39 PM

Re: Vent about FH

I can totally understand your vent. I think we, as couples, tend to get very comfortable together-its to be expected especially when you've found the one you'll be with forever-and stress just exascerbates everything. But you're doing the right thing by recognizing it and looking to do something about it!
I definitely agree with the other ladies - have a heart to heart with him and I know you're both working insane hours, but try to carve out an afternoon/evening to relax and just enjoy one another (no wedding planning!)

dm24angel Posted: Mar 09, 2004 08:44 PM

Re: Vent about FH

Hang in there. Like the ladies all said, your both stressed and he shows it differently. I have felt the same way. FH will not commit to saving any money and when I see him buying things instead of saving, I say things like ' Do you want the ring back and we can get married when your ready to stop buying video games' SO I understand how things can be said and how you feel. You will both be fine, keep expressing how you feel untill he GETS it!!

SReidy Posted: Mar 10, 2004 09:17 AM

Re: Vent about FH

Posted by mrswask

Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies. Do you ever feel like you want marriage counseling before you are even married??

I do. Especially lately, I'm constantly asking him what's wrong b/c he's not acting like himself. I think that all of the wedding planning is definitely stressful to both of us and hopefully things will get better soon!

MCDO15 Posted: Mar 10, 2004 09:33 AM

Re: Vent about FH

well..not that its stressful but it's very tiring

I work full time, go to school full time (4 classes - 12 credits) and still manage to perpare dinner some nights for FW. We are planning a wedding and now we have e-party to do. Its not that he doesnt care but just tireing and it's catching up to him. I wonder when it will catch up to me. I fall almost fall asleep everyday at work...i need a vacation bad and quailty alone time with FW

hang in there...it be over before you know it

diamondgrlie Posted: Mar 10, 2004 09:45 AM

Re: Vent about FH

Im sorry you guys are going through this. My FH is with the NYPD so never see him and that gets frustrating that I can only plan things with him 2 days a week.

My advice for couples who are fighting or stressed out is do something that you guys both LOVE to do. For me and my FH, it is hiking. All our problems fade away...

Good luck! We are here for you!

bridzilla Posted: Mar 10, 2004 09:56 AM

Re: Vent about FH

i'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sure he doesn't mean to make you feel that way. I agree with the other girls, take a weekend away. Not far, upstate maybe, to a lodge or something.
Remember if you are going to have 'the talk,' make sure it is just a talk, not a screaming or blaming match. In my experience, when i had to have these talks, I kept them short. I first say that I need to talk about my feelings. I also let him know that I am not looking for an explanation (because that usually gets into the 'it's not my fault' territory, and I hate that) just want him to know how I am feeling, and an apology that he didn't mean it.
Hope this helps.