Vent about my mother (long!)
Let me preface this vent by saying that I love my mom, but she has a tendency to drive me crazy, and has been this way for the past 29 years.
This week the college where my dad works is on spring break, so he and my mom drove up from VA. The plan was for the guys to get measured for tuxes, mom and I to spend time together, etc. I knew it bothered her that she hadn't been a part of a lot of the wedding planning, so I wanted to bring her in when possible, even if it's for small things like helping choose the menu. But after this visit, I don't really want to talk with her AT ALL about the wedding.
I could vent for a while, so I'll just hit the highlights of the things she did to annoy me:
1) Talked about my sister (who is also my MOH) 24/7. I'm really close to my sister, but she's also 8 years younger and still in college. Is it really necessary to compare my wedding, cooking, driving, car, etc, to my sister's? (She's not married, not even engaged, just likes to talk about what she'd do). FH and I lost count after the first 100 stories (I'm not kidding) about my sister. My mom is obsessed and living vicariously through her.
2) Compare FILs guest list with hers. The FILs have a small extended family, while ours is huge. It was more important for my mom to include relatives on her guest list, so she has over twice as many guests as FMIL. Yet my mom got upset when she found out FMIL invited more family friends. I tried to explain that our side still had more people, but I don't think she got it.
3) Complain about how my sister's dress needs to be shipped to VA when it comes in so they can have alterations done. She even said, 'I really hope this works out, otherwise Courtney won't have anything to wear.'![]()
4) Decide that the day after the wedding, they need to leave early to drive back to VA. FILs are having a brunch for OOT guests, but my mom doesn't want to stick around. I told her this was the only wedding I was planning to have and that I'd really like it if they came to say good bye and celebrate one last time and she was like, 'well, only if it's early.' She wants the brunch to be at 9am so they can leave by 10. (Mind you, the reception goes until midnight). I personally don't think she wants to come anyway, so FH and I are going to plan it for a more appropriate time like 11. If she wants to come, she can come. If it's more important for her to leave LI asap, so be it.
5) Act like we'll give one side special favors, but not the other. FH and I have said from the beginning, no kids under 12. No problem, I didn't think my cousins with young kids would come anyway. So tonight (after they got home), she calls and says that my cousin and his wife want to come, but they don't have anyone to watch their kids (a newborn and a 2 year old). I said it was too bad, but that we were firm on our no kids policy and we'd be sorry they couldn't make it. Mom goes, 'well, if anyone on Bryan's side shows up with kids, I'm going to be very upset' in this condescending voice, like we'd let that happen. I told her we were holding firm and that if ANYONE RSVP'd that they were bringing kids, we'd talk to them, but that if someone showed up at the RH with a baby, it would be out of our control. Then she said that another one of my cousins was in the hospital so 'don't come b1tching to me if you don't get their RSVP.' I was like, 'Mom, we got their card yesterday that they're not coming! You were here when I opened it!'
There were other things too, but these were the biggies. If she wants to be involved, why does she constantly say and do these things that make me think she doesn't care, or that I'm doing a terrible job planning our wedding, or that I'm too incompetent for this?![]()
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Sorry for the long vent, just needed to let it out! Thanks girls!
On a better note, I had a nice time with my dad. He and FH get along so well it's scary.
This week the college where my dad works is on spring break, so he and my mom drove up from VA. The plan was for the guys to get measured for tuxes, mom and I to spend time together, etc. I knew it bothered her that she hadn't been a part of a lot of the wedding planning, so I wanted to bring her in when possible, even if it's for small things like helping choose the menu. But after this visit, I don't really want to talk with her AT ALL about the wedding.
I could vent for a while, so I'll just hit the highlights of the things she did to annoy me:
1) Talked about my sister (who is also my MOH) 24/7. I'm really close to my sister, but she's also 8 years younger and still in college. Is it really necessary to compare my wedding, cooking, driving, car, etc, to my sister's? (She's not married, not even engaged, just likes to talk about what she'd do). FH and I lost count after the first 100 stories (I'm not kidding) about my sister. My mom is obsessed and living vicariously through her.
2) Compare FILs guest list with hers. The FILs have a small extended family, while ours is huge. It was more important for my mom to include relatives on her guest list, so she has over twice as many guests as FMIL. Yet my mom got upset when she found out FMIL invited more family friends. I tried to explain that our side still had more people, but I don't think she got it.
3) Complain about how my sister's dress needs to be shipped to VA when it comes in so they can have alterations done. She even said, 'I really hope this works out, otherwise Courtney won't have anything to wear.'
4) Decide that the day after the wedding, they need to leave early to drive back to VA. FILs are having a brunch for OOT guests, but my mom doesn't want to stick around. I told her this was the only wedding I was planning to have and that I'd really like it if they came to say good bye and celebrate one last time and she was like, 'well, only if it's early.' She wants the brunch to be at 9am so they can leave by 10. (Mind you, the reception goes until midnight). I personally don't think she wants to come anyway, so FH and I are going to plan it for a more appropriate time like 11. If she wants to come, she can come. If it's more important for her to leave LI asap, so be it.
5) Act like we'll give one side special favors, but not the other. FH and I have said from the beginning, no kids under 12. No problem, I didn't think my cousins with young kids would come anyway. So tonight (after they got home), she calls and says that my cousin and his wife want to come, but they don't have anyone to watch their kids (a newborn and a 2 year old). I said it was too bad, but that we were firm on our no kids policy and we'd be sorry they couldn't make it. Mom goes, 'well, if anyone on Bryan's side shows up with kids, I'm going to be very upset' in this condescending voice, like we'd let that happen. I told her we were holding firm and that if ANYONE RSVP'd that they were bringing kids, we'd talk to them, but that if someone showed up at the RH with a baby, it would be out of our control. Then she said that another one of my cousins was in the hospital so 'don't come b1tching to me if you don't get their RSVP.' I was like, 'Mom, we got their card yesterday that they're not coming! You were here when I opened it!'
There were other things too, but these were the biggies. If she wants to be involved, why does she constantly say and do these things that make me think she doesn't care, or that I'm doing a terrible job planning our wedding, or that I'm too incompetent for this?
Sorry for the long vent, just needed to let it out! Thanks girls!
On a better note, I had a nice time with my dad. He and FH get along so well it's scary.
