Vent? Advice? Opinions?

Is she still in your wedding party?

I think I'd be a little hurt if she had no time to be your MOH and now she's planning a wedding in 3 months. She's probably bitten off a little more than she can chew with this wedding planning stuff and work so I'm sure that's why you haven't heard from her!

I totally can understand where you are coming from. She was your best friend for sooo many years and you asked her to play a big role in your special day in which she didn't even have the nerve to tell you herself. Now, even though you have a wonderful person as your MOH, it still must sit with you strange especially since she now must get married so soon! I understand she is a new doctor but if she truly is your best friend then she would have been something in the wedding and been there for you from the start. She doesn't deserve you and even though she is not getting back to you is even more upsetting. You sound like me in the sense that I would be pretty upset for a good while about it. I think the best thing you can do is to just be happy for her but even more so for yourself! You are getting married soon to a wonderful person and no one can take that away from you! I'm sorry if any of this sounds mean but I just totally understand what it feels like to get 'slapped in the face' kind of by your best friend. It will all work out somehow but just keep smiling and thinking about your amazing day to come! You DESERVE it!

While I can totally understand why you're upset, I think you need to take a deep breath and really consider this.

Being a new doctor IS unbelievably time consuming, and honestly I think it was pretty thoughtful of her to tell you that she didn't think she'd be able to be your moh (because let's face it, there IS a lot of responsibility involved, you'd be pretty upset if she was your moh and had no time at all to help you out or talk weddings with you.). While I can certainly see why you would be a little hurt, I think in the end it is pretty reasonable for her to beg out based on that.

Second... considering how busy she is being a doctor, and considering how crazy and time consuming it must be to be planning a wedding in 3 months, I'm not surprised you haven't heard from her! While perhaps it's a little thoughtless on her part, and again, I can see how you would be hurt, it's also pretty understandable. I'm sure you'll hear from her when the time comes for the invites! As to being a bridesmaid... keep in mind that a lot happens between high school and adulthood, and there may be other people who she is closer to now. She also may only be having family in the bridal party, or, considering how little time she has to plan, she may be dispensing with the bridal party altogether.

And about not calling you right after the engagement... well... I know most women shout it from the rooftops right away, but there are also a lot of women who don't. When I got engaged I only called a few people and let them tell everybody else. I needed time to adjust and didn't want to talk to a lot of people about it. I didn't even call my grandparents (who I'm pretty close to), I let my parents tell the rest of the family. So, different people react differently. I definitely wouldn't take that personally.

I guess what I'm saying is that while you have every right to be upset, I also would give her the benefit of the doubt and understand how much pressure she must be under right now. If you really need to talk to her, call her! I'm sure she'd appreciate hearing from you. After all, sending her a few forwarded emails isn't really putting in that much effort to contact her either, and I think considering how must stress she must be under right now, she's probably going to need people to call her if they want to talk to her.
good luck, I hope it works out and you hear from her soon.

aww! Thank you! I appreciate it!

She is a BM in my bridal party, so she's not completely 'out'. It's just weird that I haven't heard from her... yet will probably be going to her wedding in 2 months. (and, by the way... I've already had BM gifts engraved with ther maiden name initials...I refuse to get new ones! lol)

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Posted by Shannondon

Do you think she knew that she was getting engaged and maybe thats why she was so weird? Anyway, I would not call her. You said you sent e-mails and stuff and no response? Then leave it alone. It seems like you found a new best friend thats better for you. Good Luck

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She's only been dating this guy for less than a year. At the time I asked her to be my MOH, they were only dating for about a month, so I don't think she knew the engagement was coming.

It's true... everything happens for a reason. I thank GOD Debbie is my MOH.

Thank you!

That's terrible that it all played out like that, I would talk to her and tell her how you are feeling.

However, it sounds like she tried to back out gracefully of the MOH position. I would try to cut her some slack there. If she really felt she wasn't up for the responsibility of being a MOH it's better she should let you know and step aside. I can't really fault her there.

I get what you are saying about her not having time to be your MOH but having time to get married herself; but maybe she 'felt' like her own engagement was in the works and she would be planning her own wedding and that's one of the reasons she felt she had to step aside?

Just trying to offer the flip side. I hope everything works out.

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Posted by Shannondon

Do you think she knew that she was getting engaged and maybe thats why she was so weird? Anyway, I would not call her. You said you sent e-mails and stuff and no response? Then leave it alone. It seems like you found a new best friend thats better for you. Good Luck

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well.... you said you sent 'silly forwards' which, in my opinion, don't really count as actually emailing her... I think if you contacted her and said you were hurt that she hadn't responded, she might be surprised and ask if you've even tried to contact her!

Clearly you care about this a lot, so try sending an actual email to her or giving her a call. Childhood friendships are too rare and special to just dismiss like that, even if you go through rough times there will never be anybody who gets you in the way somebody does who has seen you through your awkward teenage years! It's wonderful to make new friends, and they may become closer friends, but those old friendships are still unspeakably valuable. Speaking as somebody who really lost most of her childhood friendships... trust me, it's an emptiness that no other kind of friend can really fill.

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Posted by nposa07

I totally can understand where you are coming from. She was your best friend for sooo many years and you asked her to play a big role in your special day in which she didn't even have the nerve to tell you herself. Now, even though you have a wonderful person as your MOH, it still must sit with you strange especially since she now must get married so soon! I understand she is a new doctor but if she truly is your best friend then she would have been something in the wedding and been there for you from the start. She doesn't deserve you and even though she is not getting back to you is even more upsetting. You sound like me in the sense that I would be pretty upset for a good while about it. I think the best thing you can do is to just be happy for her but even more so for yourself! You are getting married soon to a wonderful person and no one can take that away from you! I'm sorry if any of this sounds mean but I just totally understand what it feels like to get 'slapped in the face' kind of by your best friend. It will all work out somehow but just keep smiling and thinking about your amazing day to come! You DESERVE it!

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I totally and completely agree. You just have to be happy about your day. Because friends have weird reasons for the things they do. Just smile and think about your wedding.

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Posted by weddingbunny

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Posted by Shannondon

Do you think she knew that she was getting engaged and maybe thats why she was so weird? Anyway, I would not call her. You said you sent e-mails and stuff and no response? Then leave it alone. It seems like you found a new best friend thats better for you. Good Luck

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well.... you said you sent 'silly forwards' which, in my opinion, don't really count as actually emailing her... I think if you contacted her and said you were hurt that she hadn't responded, she might be surprised and ask if you've even tried to contact her!

Clearly you care about this a lot, so try sending an actual email to her or giving her a call. Childhood friendships are too rare and special to just dismiss like that, even if you go through rough times there will never be anybody who gets you in the way somebody does who has seen you through your awkward teenage years! It's wonderful to make new friends, and they may become closer friends, but those old friendships are still unspeakably valuable. Speaking as somebody who really lost most of her childhood friendships... trust me, it's an emptiness that no other kind of friend can really fill.

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I hear you. I think I will just shoot her a quick e-mail... a 'just checking to see how you're doing' kind of thing. I haven't gone much farther than the forwards because the whole thing still doesn't sit right with me. But, she is the ONLY friend worth keeping from H.S. - and she is one of a kind. We really considered each other family, which is why I was so hurt that I wasn't included in the group she immediately told about the engagement. Just weird...

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Posted by sarahradio5

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Posted by weddingbunny

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Posted by Shannondon

Do you think she knew that she was getting engaged and maybe thats why she was so weird? Anyway, I would not call her. You said you sent e-mails and stuff and no response? Then leave it alone. It seems like you found a new best friend thats better for you. Good Luck

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well.... you said you sent 'silly forwards' which, in my opinion, don't really count as actually emailing her... I think if you contacted her and said you were hurt that she hadn't responded, she might be surprised and ask if you've even tried to contact her!

Clearly you care about this a lot, so try sending an actual email to her or giving her a call. Childhood friendships are too rare and special to just dismiss like that, even if you go through rough times there will never be anybody who gets you in the way somebody does who has seen you through your awkward teenage years! It's wonderful to make new friends, and they may become closer friends, but those old friendships are still unspeakably valuable. Speaking as somebody who really lost most of her childhood friendships... trust me, it's an emptiness that no other kind of friend can really fill.

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I hear you. I think I will just shoot her a quick e-mail... a 'just checking to see how you're doing' kind of thing. I haven't gone much farther than the forwards because the whole thing still doesn't sit right with me. But, she is the ONLY friend worth keeping from H.S. - and she is one of a kind. We really considered each other family, which is why I was so hurt that I wasn't included in the group she immediately told about the engagement. Just weird...

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I think that is a good idea. Honestly, unless you talk to her and clear the air, you will never really know where you stand or what's going on, and you will only let it stew, which isn't going to get anybody anywhere.
Keep us updated on how things turn out!

I will... thanks. I just sent her an e-mail saying 'just checking in... set a date yet?'

A short, sweet, 'feeler' kind of e-mail. We'll see. I'll let you know. Thanks.

You're waiting for her to ask you to be in bridal party? What?? This is what I don't understand. Just because you asked her doesn't mean you should get one in return.

She tried to tell you she wanted out and you couldn't give it to her. She was so uncomfortable that she had her own mother call your mom. (which is kind of silly of her)

and do you know how much stress comes to being a doctor? It's a whole lot. Believe me. I know, I know. Had she not become engaged she could've devoted those 3mths of time to your wedding. And how dare she not tell you that same day she got engaged.. Come on. I can see that your wedding is very important to you and I understand that. As is her wedding to her. Which is probably why you haven't heard from her.

Just take it all in gracefully. Let it go. You have your priorities and she has her own. dont hold it against her. There are so many things to worry about and with your friend bailing out, or not telling you of her engagement, her spiritual belief, etx.. Not something to be so mad over.

I'm glad you replaced her with your bestest, best friend from college. Good luck with your wedding and future endeavors.

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Posted by justshir

You're waiting for her to ask you to be in bridal party? What?? This is what I don't understand. Just because you asked her doesn't mean you should get one in return.

She tried to tell you she wanted out and you couldn't give it to her. She was so uncomfortable that she had her own mother call your mom. (which is kind of silly of her)

and do you know how much stress comes to being a doctor? It's a whole lot. Believe me. I know, I know. Had she not become engaged she could've devoted those 3mths of time to your wedding. And how dare she not tell you that same day she got engaged.. Come on. I can see that your wedding is very important to you and I understand that. As is her wedding to her. Which is probably why you haven't heard from her.

Just take it all in gracefully. Let it go. You have your priorities and she has her own. dont hold it against her. There are so many things to worry about and with your friend bailing out, or not telling you of her engagement, her spiritual belief, etx.. Not something to be so mad over.

I'm glad you replaced her with your bestest, best friend from college. Good luck with your wedding and future endeavors.

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this is the one response I got back that was waaaaaay off mark. It's kind of unnecessarily rude... or at least it came across that way.

I appreciate the other girls' replies... it really helped me, and hopefully I'll hear back from her and things will be okay.

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Posted by sarahradio5

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Posted by justshir

You're waiting for her to ask you to be in bridal party? What?? This is what I don't understand. Just because you asked her doesn't mean you should get one in return.

She tried to tell you she wanted out and you couldn't give it to her. She was so uncomfortable that she had her own mother call your mom. (which is kind of silly of her)

and do you know how much stress comes to being a doctor? It's a whole lot. Believe me. I know, I know. Had she not become engaged she could've devoted those 3mths of time to your wedding. And how dare she not tell you that same day she got engaged.. Come on. I can see that your wedding is very important to you and I understand that. As is her wedding to her. Which is probably why you haven't heard from her.

Just take it all in gracefully. Let it go. You have your priorities and she has her own. dont hold it against her. There are so many things to worry about and with your friend bailing out, or not telling you of her engagement, her spiritual belief, etx.. Not something to be so mad over.

I'm glad you replaced her with your bestest, best friend from college. Good luck with your wedding and future endeavors.

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this is the one response I got back that was waaaaaay off mark. It's kind of unnecessarily rude... or at least it came across that way.

I appreciate the other girls' replies... it really helped me, and hopefully I'll hear back from her and things will be okay.

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i believe you asked for advice and opinion. if you only wanted ppl who will talk to you in a certain way then be specific. obviously that was my immediate reaction to your post. all i want for you is peace with your old friend from high school and to jsut let all that's troubling you go. try to understand things from her view. i still stand by what i said. it's my instant reaction. peace.

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Posted by JanuaryBride06

When you ask for advice, you usually get differing opinions. You're not always going to like what people have to say and just because you don't want to hear it doesn't mean that they're necessarily wrong. Not everyone will see things from your perspective.

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I just thought the other reply came across a little rude. I respond to other brides' issues with nothing but respect and kindness, and appreciate the same.

I'm also not 'mad' at my friend... I said something wasn't sitting well with me, which is why I turned here for help. And I would honestly be surprised if I wasn't in her bridal party (assuming she had one) because we ARE THAT close (which is why this whole situation is bothering me to begin with). And I didn't expect her to call me the MINUTE she got engaged... just never thought she would call THREE days later, 10:15 Valentine's night. The way she called that late on such a special day, I thought it DID just happen, and was taken aback when she said it was 3 days ago.

I do appreciate differing advice. I even acted on one of the posts that didn't feel as if my e-mail 'forwards' were enough 'reaching out', so I e-mailed my friend. I just don't understand why some people have to be rude to other girls who are looking for help, which is how it felt. And it seemed like she got some of the facts wrong and judged me based on that. Just correcting the record. That's all.