vent...... Am I selfish? * UPDATED

Ok I don't want to sound like a selfish b*tch. but this is my one and only wedding and I really want my mom involved. FH is paying for everyhting. but I want her to help with the details and for her to help with ideas. I feel like it's pulling to teeth to get her here. She only live 10 min from our new house.
A little background: My older sis ( MOH) had money problems because she refuses to work and she has a shopping addiction even when they are broke. So Don't feel sorry for her when I say they lost there home and car. So sis her husband and 2 young children moved back in with my parents and my lil 15 yr old sis.
My parents I do feel sorry for they live on my dads disability since his stroke left him without the use of his left arm and he has to wear a brace to walk.
My sis takes advantage so bad. They don't pay a penny and don't even contribute with groceries. My mom has become perma babysitter, cook and shuttle bus.

That's why am so upset that I feel like this. I have dreamed of my wedding since I was little. I always pictured my and my mom going to get my dress, and shoes etc. I am so mad at my sis who's lazy *** put them in that situation and now monopolizes all my moms time. I love my mom so much and just want her to be able to be involved. I can barely even get her on the phone for 1 minute without her having to run after the kids or get off the phone because sis is waiting. And it ***** because me and my mom are so close. I feel so bad for her.


I am sorry!! I don't want you to think I am a horrible person for feeling this way. I can't help it !!!! Am I a bad person for feeling this way !!


* Updated- So my mom called yesterday and Promised she would come over to see my veil and tiara today. I just get a call she is not coming. I guess she could tell in my voice i was upset. I tried to hold it in but I just started crying. I have been so emotional lately. I did not mean to but that upset her and she started crying. Of course then I caved and said I was fine and it was no big deal. I just feel like crap upseting my mom when she already has so much going on, but this is my one and only wedding
I swear I need to grow a big set of Balls !!!

I completey understand and dont think you are being selfish, unfortantely your sister is in a bad place right now, even if it is self afflicted...and try to put a positive spin on it, even though your momisnt there to help you, she knows you are the much more responsible and mature one who can handle this stressful time by yourself...



I hope you feel better!

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Posted by Marchbride07

I completey understand and dont think you are being selfish, unfortantely your sister is in a bad place right now, even if it is self afflicted...and try to put a positive spin on it, even though your momisnt there to help you, she knows you are the much more responsible and mature one who can handle this stressful time by yourself...



I hope you feel better!

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Thank you. I felt so bad for even feeling this way and I would never even tell my mom how I was feeling. and I do understand she knows I can handle it. It's just not what i expected I guess.

Thank you again !!!

You have every right to what you are feeling... its totally understandable.

Even tho your sis and her family live with your mom... why is that taking her away from being involved with the wedding tho?You would think that your sis could actually help HER out at home by helping to take care of your dad?
Have you talked to your mom about your need to have her by your side more?

I guess I dont understand why she is cancelling all the time? Why and how is your sister monopolizing her time?

I dont want you to feel worst than you do... just trying to understand. There are so many things that go on that you cant possibly try to explain in one post I know...but maybe you need to stop saying ' its Ok' .. when its not.
Your sister is a grown woman and shouldnt 'need' your mothers attention.. YOU need it right now, and maybe need to speak up and say so..

again.. not trying to make you feel worst.. just trying to help.

Your not making me feel worse. I guess the best way I can explain is my mom is one of those people who can't take for anyone to be mad at them. I am very passive and my sis is mean. So she knows I am not going to lash out and my sis is a B*TCH!!!
My sis has 2 kids and will ask my mom to watch them for 10 minutes. Take my parents car and go shopping an be gone 3 hours. But my mom will not put her foot down. This has been going on for almost a year now.
I have told her to stand up for herself, but it does no good. I have even offered to watch the kids so she won't have to.
I don't know the whole situation confuses me to.

Sorry to hear all this. I dont think youre being selfish. You just want to share the excitement with your mom!

You are NOT selfish. You are very much allowed to want your mom to be involved. bottom line here is that SHE needs to put her foot down and make the time for you. While your sister and her family take up a good deal of your mothers time you mother is an adult with the ability to say no and make decisions for herself.

I am so sorry that your sister has chosen the life she has and that your parents and apparently her husband continue to enable her. Shopping addictions are just as bad, if not worse than any addiction out there. I kinda dealt with it myself for a while and the debt I am in is HUGE. I am so sorry that no one in her life has the strength to give her the boundaries and restrictions she so very much needs.

Your mom needs to step up to the plate on this one. Maybe you should go over to the house and make plans with her in advance. Decide that the two of you will spend all day Saturday together. Have her post that information on the fridge 'Mom will be with Christy from 9am - 7pm on Saturday and will be unavailable during that time.' That way everyone knows in advance and should a crisis erupt they will have to fend for themselves. Try to get as much done in that one day as you can. If that is not possible - plan a weekly dinner together and make it definite.

You guys can get together you just both have to be willing to make it happen.

I really hope that your mom can put her foot down and I hope that your sister gets the wake up call she so desperately needs.

Good Luck!

So you get your niceness from your mom then!!!
Your poor mom!! She has her hands full doesnt she!.

Things will work out.. They always do.

I completely understand. YOU are NOT BEING SELFISH. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I guess I would be happy and find comfort in the fact that you are paying the wedding yourself and you don't need to rely on your parents. You are in a much better position than your sister!

I don't think you're being selfish at all!! I do hope your sister realizes the position she's putting her family in, and will be able to get control of her spending!!

You are in no way being selfish. You have every right to want to have your mother play a part in the wedding. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this and that your sister is making it difficult.

NO WAAAAY GIRL! theres alot of girls who cry and pray every day that theyre moms are no longer here to share these special days together. I think its so important to include my mom in my plans. Not EVERYTHING bc it IS me and FH's wedding. So FH and I do EVERYTHING together. But i include her in as much as i can. She is contributing towards the wedding financially but even if she wasnt Id include her anyway

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Posted by Christys0925

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Honestly, I think that you really need to sit down with your mom and talk to her. If you don't, the resentment that you are feeling, especially towards your sister, will only grow and it will put a gap between you even more than you do have no with your mom!

I know you don't want to upset her, but she has to know that you are feeling left out. My sister had the same issue with her sister. (We have the same dad, different moms):

Her sister sounds like yours...never gets her act together...has 3 kids and basically at 45 years of age, has NEVER gotten her act together and is 100% dependent on their mother. My sister's mom is 65 years old and 'retired' but because of her other daughter, she had to go back to work to help support the grand kids...and is basically like a FT baby-sitter.

My sister is 28, and feels like she will NEVER come before her other sister. She always feels left out and her mom has to always be with the kids and stuff rather than her. She feels a great deal of resentment against her sister, and it took awhile for her to say something. She had to finally have an emotional breakdown with her mom and tell her how she felt. It was tough, but in the end, her mom finally understood how she was feeling.

The other sister still has most of mom's attention and time, BUT now her mom understands that she MUST give some time to her other daughter. Their relationship is better....but it wouldn't be unless my sister said something to her mom!

Good luck to you and I'm sorry you have to feel this way!