(VENT) FIL's gift/contributions

Ok I hate to vent on these boards but it seems like no one else understands what I'm dealing with! To start with the in-laws are divorced. My FMIL (from WI) is driving me NUTS! She doesn't feel she should contribute anything to the wedding since it's in NY and she won't know anyone there. She invited 50 but shouldn't have to pay for anyone...yeah real fair. FI & I are paying for coordinator, invites, limos, video, & DJ BUT my parents are paying for everything else. MY FI, parents & I would all be fine with this but she keeps telling everyone in WI that's coming that they can afford to pay for it since their rich enough to afford NY & I'm the only girl so they have an obligation.

We've all tried talking to her not about giving us $ but at least about being a little appreciative that there's are willing to pay for the event she's attending! She won't talk to any of us about the wedding now if it comes to $. To make matters worse she shocked the entire family out there when she said she hated out fortunoff registry, thought it was materialist & snobbish & she wouldn't shop there. We're over a year away & she picked out our gift - a $30 crockpot from Wallmart!!!

I'm not trying to say I don't appreciate the large & small gifts but its her 1st son's wedding!! One of her sisters tried telling her she should be giving a gift of at least a few hundred dollars & that's by WI standards!

I just bring all of this because (it's ok if you chuckle - i do to get thru it) - my FFIL just called. Now he's paying for the rehearsal dinner, gave us half the $ for our honeymoon & is hand making us an extra wide oak rocking chair for our future family. In the process of making our chair he cut off HALF his thumb & they couldn't put it back on! This man is loosing body parts for us & she's giving us a crock pot!!!!! I am at the end of my rope here! Ughhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for listening

First of all, your FFIL sounds like a doll. What a great gift, that rocking chair!!

Second of all, your FMIL sounds like a wacko! Is this her oldest son? She sounds like she's jealous of you/believes you're taking her son away. No one buys their son a $30 crockpot for their wedding gift (although I must add that crockpots are amazing!) unless they're trying to be spiteful.

Well, since there is probably nothing you can do about her attidtude, why not just say 'screw it'. You guys are not going to get anywhere with her by yapping at her with it. She obviously doesn't want to contribute. End of story.

But....

Have you asked her to contribute in a way that may not include money? I don't know, helping you pick out invites or something. I mean, she may vlunteer to pay for them if she feels more involved.

Just an idea.

to you
for his thumb!!!!

Thanks, yeah we get the same thing with invites - anything that costs anything is materialistic & she's too busy to do anything crafty. I just need to vent sometimes. You're right - sometimes you need to just forget it & move on - but every now & then it creeps back up & finds a way to get under your skin

omg... you did get me chuckling..
half a finger verses a crockpot.. and you would think it would be the other way that the mother would be doing more.... i dont know... maybe she's jealous of you? that he's with you in NY, instead of with his mom in WI?..
odd....

Sounds like insecurity/jealousy to me.

At least you're getting one great in-law! Your FFIL sounds like a sweetheart.

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Posted by butterfly20

omg... you did get me chuckling..
half a finger verses a crockpot..

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same here. i'm so sorry that she is being like this...maybe she is angry for 'losing' her son. i hope she wakes up. in the meantime, tell ffil to be careful.

Thanks I'm feeling better about all of it this morning. Sometimes its just the little things in all this planning that put you over the edge! My FSIL is the oldest of the group & said every now & then when major events happen FMIL becomes very selfish & cheap. For my FSIL sweet 16 her mom offered her any type of party she wanted. She asked for a trip to the movies with her 3 closest friends & dinner at a local Red Lobster - not unreasonable... She got a FREE RENTAL slip for the local video store and some microwave popcorn I guess I have a lot to look forward too!

My FMIL hasn't done or even asked about our wedding.

She told us she was coming to our engagement party that my parents thru for us, and just NEVER showed up!

I had to send her a STD for her own sons wedding bc we werent sure if she even knew our wedding date!

she had no problem giving me a list of people that she wanted invited and even told me that I shouldn't invite my FH godmother cause her husband(not FH father) doesnt like her!

I'm at the point where I just dont care anymore and we are going to plan the wedding that we want... it is sooooo fustrating though...

FM me anytime you want to vent about the FMIL... we can swap stores

Jess