Vent - I'm so upset with FH today...

Okay, I dont normally post NWR things on these boards, but todays an exception. Today is our 1-year anniversary of being engaged. FH used to be sooo romantic (when we were dating). he would bring me flowers for no reason, write sweet notes, etc. Ever since we got engaged thats all changed...he's not romantic at all. I cant even remember the last time I got flowers from him, he never comes up with any ideas of how to celebrate things, etc. I do some romantic things for him though, for example, when he branched his top choice for the Army I stopped off at a bakery after work and surprised him with a little cake. Now, I KNOW that romance isnt all materialistic things. I'm not asking for that either.
Like I said, today is our enagement anniversary -- I was thinking of going to the park we got enaged and surprising him with a little bottle of wine to toast with...but then I realized, IM the girl...why isnt HE doing something like this for ME??? He's practically not even acknowledging it as an anniversary...he doesnt want to go out to dinner or anything and he didnt even say anything to me (liek happy engagement anniversary' or anything today until AFTER I said ''are you going to say anything'
Maybe I'm over reacting. Its just that a few months ago I told him i felt like he's not romantic anymore and such and he not only disagreed, BUT he has YET to show me hwo he is romantic since that talk. I'm loosing my patience with it. I feel like he puts no thought into anything (like how he waits until the day before xmas EVERY year to go shopping for my gift) and I'm the one always trying to do little romantic things for him. If its like this now, whats going to happen 5 - 10 years into the marriage?

Thanks for listening girls. sorry to go on about it...im just so upset

aw Im sorry that he isnt doing all those things for you-but my FH is the same, things changed once we were engaged....even now we will argue about it. He tells me with the wedding he doesnt want to spend the money and would rather it go towards the wedding I want.

I dont know if that helps at all, but heres some hugs
oh and a flower for you too

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Im so sorry to hear that Jen. But trust me you are not alone..can I jump on that boat with you. I cant even remember the last time my FH brought me or did anything romantic for me. I think its just the way guys are sometimes...i think girls tend to think more about the romance...(I am not saying all guys are like this..so girls please dont take offense )...I am sorry that you are going through this..but I am sure my FH will be the same when our 1yr of being engaged comes up

aww hun, he's just like the rest of em
haha.. no seriously. I know what you mean. Get on him with it again. Ask him, so what did you plan for us this evening??
our 1 yr is tomorrow, but we are celebrating tonight, since we have a b-day party tomorrow night.
We are going to the city for dinner, since that;s where he proposed. Of course it was my idea tho

He's good w/ cooking me dinner and stuff, but we made a promise to do one nice thing for eachother a month. It can be a card, flowers, making dinner, baking cookies..etc.. I bought him a little thermus bc he works in construction, so I know he said he wanted to bring coffee, and soup... silly but thoughtful.
Try that with him.

I'm sorry that you are upset. IMO, I think that you should go ahead with your plan for the day by going to the park & having that time for the 2 of you. You wouldn't want to start an argument or do anything to ruin that special day. Take a deep breath & think about the reasons why you love him. Yes, you should bring it up again but not while you are upset. I'm sure he doesn't even realize what he's doing. good luck

thanks for your hugs and advice. AMJA, thats a good idea -- one nice thing a month -- maybe I'll bring that up to him. But a part of me just feels like it should be a natural impulse for him to want to do something romantic/nice for me (just like it is for me) instead of him being like a chore, like 'well, i already did my one nice thing for her this month...im done'

Grrrr, why do guys stop trying when they think they have you hooked?!

Haa I had this argument with FH last weekend...his Reason for not being as romantic as when we were dating.. He said and I QUOTE!! 'I have you already, I wooed you, you have my ring, we are getting married'.. like romanticism should end there I told him he better change that little notion

i sorry to hear that but guys are not made the way we are...we hold so many things close to our heart and to guys remembering days like your birthday, day you met anniversary, wedding day anniversary is the important ones to guys.....wee remember and want them to remember the first kiss, 1st time u slept together etc etc but most of them just dont have it in them cut your Fh some slack...i say surprise him and delicately stroke him and remind him of when he used to surprise you and that your excited about when you guys are married that you can look forward to that same spontanaeity ( drop a lil hint)...hope it helped.... for support

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Posted by Dee606

I'm sorry that you are upset. IMO, I think that you should go ahead with your plan for the day by going to the park & having that time for the 2 of you. You wouldn't want to start an argument or do anything to ruin that special day. Take a deep breath & think about the reasons why you love him. Yes, you should bring it up again but not while you are upset. I'm sure he doesn't even realize what he's doing. good luck

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I agree!

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Posted by bettybcafe

Im so sorry to hear that Jen. But trust me you are not alone..can I jump on that boat with you. I cant even remember the last time my FH brought me or did anything romantic for me. I think its just the way guys are sometimes...i think girls tend to think more about the romance...(I am not saying all guys are like this..so girls please dont take offense )...I am sorry that you are going through this..but I am sure my FH will be the same when our 1yr of being engaged comes up

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Do you girls mind if I jump on board too? My FH is the same way. He is not romantic, not flirty anymore, nothing. We have been through a lot together and he had gotten sick in teh past 6 years with kidney disease so I try to relate a lot of it to that. It just stinks and I know how you feel. I try to tell my FH the same too.... I need some romance in my life and hugging, cuddling, whatever... It's like he just doesnt' get it! I love my FH though and I do love him enough to deal with this for the rest of my life. You just have to make sure for yourself that if your FH does not change, you can live with this forever.

Also, just as some of the other girls have written before me, men are not built like women and totally don't understand why we read so much into the things they stop doing for us. They just don't understand.

Sorry to hear about this, but I agree w/ one girl. Continue ahead w/ your plans. Maybe it will make him feel bad I'll tell you one thing...my FH has no clue what date we got engaged, so JMO it doesn't shock me that your FH has not planned anything, maybe he forgot or has no idea!

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Posted by heatherandrichie

Sorry to hear about this, but I agree w/ one girl. Continue ahead w/ your plans. Maybe it will make him feel bad I'll tell you one thing...my FH has no clue what date we got engaged, so JMO it doesn't shock me that your FH has not planned anything, maybe he forgot or has no idea!

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Well, the thing is, I've been reminding him since last week that the 22nd was the day we got engaged...so he does know. I think part of what surprises me is that he looks up to his dad a lot and takes cues from his dad. Well, his dad has been giving his mom flowers and cards every year for the past 25 years on the anniversary of the day they met and the anniversary of the day they got engaged! Not all men are not romantic...he just cant take a hint.

You girls are so suuportive and helpful Reading all your responses has helped me to calm down a bit.

You def. aren't alone!! Our one year engagement just passed and I didn't get anything either, (meaning a card, i didn't expect a gift gift but I was hmm maybe flowers!!) I said to him that night.....'Ya know....you need to be more romantic sometimes....flowers or a card would've been nice' (i got him a card) They all know they have to be more romantic, they just don't know how to do it lol They're morons in that department !!

Don't get to down about it, he'll be romantic in other ways when you least expect!