VENT * Kinda Long

wow, i am so mad right now..

so i have a friend, who had a destination wedding in april, and she is now having a wedding back here on saturday, that i am in

well, our schedules haven't matched up at all.

until a few weeks ago, i was going to school 5 days a week then work 3-4 nights of those 5 days, plus every other weekend. on top of that, i study and do homework. also, i suffer with migraines that come atleast once a week.our schedules never EVER matched up.

she texts me tonight. 4 days before her wedding. asking why i even wanted to be in her wedding because i never call her and i havent really helped out with anything at all. i explained to her how busy i have been and i apologized. i told her i knew i have been a bad bridesmaid & blah blah blah. i also said, if it was bothering you this bad why did you wait so long to say something? I would have requested off work or made more of an effort to make more time...she just she just realized how much it was bothering her.

then OVER a month ago, i lost the invitation that included information about the rehearsal because FH & I were moving & Im pretty sure HE packed it up. she knew OVER a month ago that it got packed away somewhere..she didnt say anything about it then.. but tonight she comes back with 'thats kind of important, i thought we were better friends than that?'

i was like, are you serious? because i made a mistake?

i feel like im not even welcomed on Saturday, and I told her that if she doesnt want me there saturday to tell me now..however, she has yet to respond...

she is supposed to be in my wedding as well.

really, what the heII?

I'm sure right now your BM is under alot of stress which is why this is going out. Go to her wedding Saturday, put on a happy face, and make sure your involved. Come Saturday, she'll have so much on her mind, she won't be thinking about you 'not helping her'.

Its hard because she probably does feel you don't want to be part of the wedding. Sometimes people don't understand what its like to be busy all the time (I've had times in my life when I've worked full time and went to school, worked 2 full time jobs, and worked 2 part time jobs and went to school. People never understood why i wasn't around. Unless you've been there, you probably dont)

Sck it up for Saturday...She asked you to be in her wedding for a reason, I don't think she'll change her mind one week away!

Wow. I'd be fuming!!!

I'd tell her to fluck off!

I find the double standards in these situations soooo ridiculous.

When a bride vents that her BMs aren't doing enough, calling enough, etc...we find that horrible that someone could be sooooo thoughtless of the poor bride!

Yet, if a BM says that the bride is too busy, being a bridezilla, being rude/unrealistic, we once again rush to defend the poor, now stressed out, bride because wedding planning is just soooooooo stressful that being there for your BMs as friends is jus too much of an inconvenience.

It's a wedding. I think people sometimes need a reality check. Your wedding is the most important to YOU and people need to get a little perspective. Other people have lives, but that does not mean one bit that they don't care, aren't interested, etc. Does anyone HONESTLY believe that BMs should be calling for weekly wedding planning play-by-plays?? Or that losing a gotdamn invitation means you are a bad friend? I think it is HIGHLY presumptuous to assume things for other people.

I can tell you right now that my BMs all have lives that...gasp....don't revolve on my wedding planning. And the fact that they don't call me on a daily or even weekly basis to ask for the latest updates, does not in any way, shape or form, make them bad BMs, let alone bad friends. If people are willing to put friendships on the line over a wedding, then that is sad and pathetic.

Sorry so long, but its JMO. To the OP, I don't think you did anything wrong.

Off my soapbox now.

You definitely need to su ck it up and do an awesome job for her wedding this weekend. A little argument like this doesn't need to ruin your friendship.

Also, looking at it from the bride's perspective, I can understand why she is upset. Granted, I would have contacted you way before a few days before the wedding.. but if one of my BMs wasn't making herself available for me or talking to me about my wedding I would be upset too.

sounds like you have a lot on your plate but i would be a little annoyed too.

how long have you known about her wedding date?

you are planning a wedding too, right?
so you know whats involved in being a bm or what you would expect from your bm.

think of how you would feel if it was getting close to your big day and you would have to chase after your bm.

you must be close to one another or else you wouldnt have asked her to be a part of your special day.

im sure things will work out for the best

jmo

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Posted by mrsdraskin2009

I find the double standards in these situations soooo ridiculous.

When a bride vents that her BMs aren't doing enough, calling enough, etc...we find that horrible that someone could be sooooo thoughtless of the poor bride!

Yet, if a BM says that the bride is too busy, being a bridezilla, being rude/unrealistic, we once again rush to defend the poor, now stressed out, bride because wedding planning is just soooooooo stressful that being there for your BMs as friends is jus too much of an inconvenience.

It's a wedding. I think people sometimes need a reality check. Your wedding is the most important to YOU and people need to get a little perspective. Other people have lives, but that does not mean one bit that they don't care, aren't interested, etc. Does anyone HONESTLY believe that BMs should be calling for weekly wedding planning play-by-plays?? Or that losing a gotdamn invitation means you are a bad friend? I think it is HIGHLY presumptuous to assume things for other people.

I can tell you right now that my BMs all have lives that...gasp....don't revolve on my wedding planning. And the fact that they don't call me on a daily or even weekly basis to ask for the latest updates, does not in any way, shape or form, make them bad BMs, let alone bad friends. If people are willing to put friendships on the line over a wedding, then that is sad and pathetic.

Sorry so long, but its JMO. To the OP, I don't think you did anything wrong.

Off my soapbox now.

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ITA

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Posted by FutureMrsSoltan

I think you should go to the wedding and put on a smile. If you feel like you want to say something to her I would wait till after her wedding. I personally would be really pissed off. I would probably react very harshly, thats just me.

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ITA

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Posted by mrsdraskin2009

Wow. I'd be fuming!!!

I'd tell her to fluck off!

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i agree

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Posted by SummerBride10

I'm sure right now your BM is under alot of stress which is why this is going out. Go to her wedding Saturday, put on a happy face, and make sure your involved. Come Saturday, she'll have so much on her mind, she won't be thinking about you 'not helping her'.

Its hard because she probably does feel you don't want to be part of the wedding. Sometimes people don't understand what its like to be busy all the time (I've had times in my life when I've worked full time and went to school, worked 2 full time jobs, and worked 2 part time jobs and went to school. People never understood why i wasn't around. Unless you've been there, you probably dont)

Sck it up for Saturday...She asked you to be in her wedding for a reason, I don't think she'll change her mind one week away!

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ita! definately go on saturday! dont make this bigger than what it is. she is probably really stressed and cant think straight. just go saturday. be the best BM you can be that day. and then everything else will be forgotten about!

if it was the other way around, i don't think you would like it.

just hug it out with her

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Posted by SummerBride10

I'm sure right now your BM is under alot of stress which is why this is going out. Go to her wedding Saturday, put on a happy face, and make sure your involved. Come Saturday, she'll have so much on her mind, she won't be thinking about you 'not helping her'.

Its hard because she probably does feel you don't want to be part of the wedding. Sometimes people don't understand what its like to be busy all the time (I've had times in my life when I've worked full time and went to school, worked 2 full time jobs, and worked 2 part time jobs and went to school. People never understood why i wasn't around. Unless you've been there, you probably dont)

Sck it up for Saturday...She asked you to be in her wedding for a reason, I don't think she'll change her mind one week away!

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ITA... Its hard going through this, but I also have a friend who isn't really involved. And I know there are a few things that influence this, one is she isn't happy with her situation. BUT...I know she will come around and be an AMAZING friend and BM once things come together. I have to say that it does hurt my feelings at times. But I also understand her situation. Just being there for your friend is going to make her feel happy. She's prob really stressed as we all will be right before the day and could use an extra set of hands. Reach out and prove her wrong.

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Posted by mrsdraskin2009

I find the double standards in these situations soooo ridiculous.

When a bride vents that her BMs aren't doing enough, calling enough, etc...we find that horrible that someone could be sooooo thoughtless of the poor bride!

Yet, if a BM says that the bride is too busy, being a bridezilla, being rude/unrealistic, we once again rush to defend the poor, now stressed out, bride because wedding planning is just soooooooo stressful that being there for your BMs as friends is jus too much of an inconvenience.

It's a wedding. I think people sometimes need a reality check. Your wedding is the most important to YOU and people need to get a little perspective. Other people have lives, but that does not mean one bit that they don't care, aren't interested, etc. Does anyone HONESTLY believe that BMs should be calling for weekly wedding planning play-by-plays?? Or that losing a gotdamn invitation means you are a bad friend? I think it is HIGHLY presumptuous to assume things for other people.

I can tell you right now that my BMs all have lives that...gasp....don't revolve on my wedding planning. And the fact that they don't call me on a daily or even weekly basis to ask for the latest updates, does not in any way, shape or form, make them bad BMs, let alone bad friends. If people are willing to put friendships on the line over a wedding, then that is sad and pathetic.

Sorry so long, but its JMO. To the OP, I don't think you did anything wrong.

Off my soapbox now.

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I totally agree with you. I dont expect ANYTHING from my bridesmaids. They need to attend my shower, my bachelorette and my wedding...that's it. And all I want them to do is have fun...not slave over me or anything else. I'm going to be 32 soon, so most of my friends are already married and have kids. They really dont give a cr*p about my wedding planning and I dont blame them. I think brides really forget that this is their wedding and everyon else's life doesnt revolve around it. I'm just grateful my bridesmaids are willing to buy a dress they will never wear again! I dont need them to do much else :) Your friend seems very childish and if I were you, I would just let her vent and not let it upset you.

Weddings bring out the best and the worst in people. Go to the wedding - she probably feels terrible that you would say something like that because its kind of like 'well if u don't want me there I won't come' kind of nonsense. I say suck it up and just go and do all that you can now.

As for me - I don't expect my bridesmaids to do shyt except stand there, are they really supposed to like be calling me every 5 minutes? No - there is nothing here that I can't handle on my own...

Like Traci, my BMs aren't expected to help AT ALL. I want them to show up to the wedding and have a good time. I am going to give them a color swatch and fabric and tell them to get a dress of their choosing, because who knows better about what they look good in then the BMs themselves?

They have offered many times to help, but right now, I just don't need it. So, I don't get all these expectations that brides put on bridal parties... I'm putting people in my BP that I want recognized for being a significant part of my life, not because I want them to bend to my will.