When FI and I first got engaged his uncle's wife gave us a huge setting of burgundy & 10ct. gold espresso cups/saucers, etc. from Italy that someone had given them when her & her husband got married. I was so excited - one of our first gifts and this one was handed down - so, it made it even more special. Later that night, I told my fi to hold onto it - being that he has more room to store things than I do, etc. Anyway, last weekend when I was at my fi's house (he lives w/his mother) I was washing the dishes and looked up (there are see-thru glass cabinets) and I saw the espresso glasses displayed. Am I wrong for being p*ssed? For those of you who've read my posts about fmil - know what a w*tch she can be. Anyhoo, I want to say something about it - but, I don't know if I should.
DrmnBlnd
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No, I don't think you are wrong for being pi**ed. I definately would have been too! That set was for YOU and your FH, not for him and his mother! I think I would delicately ask where the set is, and then say how happy you will be to finally be able to use the set, and not have it sit somewhere in a box. (Maybe that will make him feela bit guilty, and he will put the set back where it is supposed to be!)
februarybride
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If you wanted to say something without starting an argument, why don't you say something like 'Oh, Aunt XX gave me the same set of espresso cups. I didn't know you had the same set?' or something to that effect. Do you think that'll work?
Also, you could ask your FI, but if he says they're the same ones then it'll be hard to mention something to your FMIL.
alina
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What are you upset about?
Sage10.03
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I think she's upset that her FMIL is USING her engagement gift before she even got a chance to.... I think I would be ****ed too!!!!
You wouldn't be Alina? What if she breaks one or something? they are irreplaceable (from Italy)
Did you ask FH about it?
WishCandy
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I know that my fi probably doesn't even know that they're there - he's oblivious to those kinds of things... but, it just bothers the crap out of me - that his mother did that! She feels @ liberty to do whatever the he** she wants with my things and fi's things. For instance, when his terror nieces come over - she lets them play with everything that I get him and they break it - I mean things that they shouldn't be playing with. Using DVD's as frisbees... cutting up sentimental cards that I have given fi because the kids needed something to draw on.
WishCandy
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No Sage - I didn't ask my fi about it yet... I wanted to come on here and ask you girls beforehand
BriBri529
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I agree with FebruaryBride. I think that is the most 'tactfull' way to handle it (not that your FMIL had much 'tact' herself)
Sage10.03
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Your FMIL sounds like a real piece of work....good luck!!! I say you should bring it up gently, but certainly DO NOT let it go.....(at least I wouldn't...)
eroxgirl
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I would be furious!! People have no respect for other people's things...what kind of woman is this? I would definitely tell FH to say something to his mother, box up the set and then have him give it to you to keep in your house. That's just obnoxious! I swear, I love my FMIL more and more every day that I read these vents!
jenny2penny
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x
...
Crisco718
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That is crazy!!! She has no right to use your things!!
shelzyp
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I would be furious, I was mad when his sister took an entertainment center that I had given my FH as a gift that he no longer used. If it is your gift then she has no right to display it, because by the time you go to tak it back, you probaly won't get it.
Betty
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She did this without asking you....WHAT NERVE Of course I'd be pi$$ed as HE!!
cw0904
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DO NOT let this go! How dare she!! I would be ANGRY if FH's mother did this. Your FMIL is one piece of work.
nrvbrd
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You have to bring this up. Can you have FH talk to her first ? If that does not work, then you should politely inform her that the setting is YOUR gift .
What I would do is take it from the house and store it at yours- find room for it.
People are saying be tactful, but it is apparent that tact has gone out the window.
alina
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Ok, I see, I am sorry, I didn't realize it was the same set, I thought it was a duplicate or something.
If its your gift that's displayed at FIML's house, I would either ask FH to talk to her or do it yourself.
I probably would be upset, but would pretend that it does not bother me, and would just say that you would like to display the set. This way you can just bring it home w/you and nobody will touch it.
I agree, there is no reason that FMIL has the right to do what she has done, but it also may not have entered her mind that what she did was wrong and made you upset.
So, if FH asked FMIL: 'Mom, where is that dish set that we got from Aunt So and So? My fiancee wants to use it for a 'small gathering' that she'll have with her girlfriends', then FMIL would not be offended, would give it back to you, and you just don't bring it back to them...
would that work?
Sage10.03
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That's a good one Alina.... I would go with that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jennbaby
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People have some nerve
Sassy
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I would be p-d off What the heck is going on w/these ppl? That s u c k s !!!!! If you want to be diplomatic, then you can do Alina's idea. I KNOW I would not have the patience, and would demand my things right away, she had way too much nerve
