VENT- Need Support!

I am having so many issues with my mother. She has her own rulebook on how weddings should and should not go. She always says no you cannot do this or that... i refuse to be part of this or that... thats not how jews or italians do things.... blah blah blah....

first she was upset over my invitations and i had to redo them
then she didnt allow me to have a bridal shower (because i had an engagement party and you can only have one or the other...)
and now she is saying a cardbox is rude and tacky and jews and italians dont do that... it is offensive...

really... is a cardbox that rude?? So now shes making my life a living hell over this. She has done this with so many little things (and the big things i posted above) im just so done with wedding planning im so sick of it. FH has been amazing and his family has been so supportive of all of my decisions even though they are from upstate and don't do anything like we do on LI. They may not agree with things but they havent said a word or made me feel bad. My mother is just ruining this whole experience.

I need support. -whats a good replacement cardbox?

Sorry your dealing with this. If it makes you feel any better I'm 100% italian and I never heard that rule about no cardbox.....the cardbox is basically for yourself so like that you have a safe place to put all the envelopes that you receive. It's not like your going to be walknig from table to table with the cardbox asking for envelopes. Most people never even notice the cardbox it'll be by you. I know I never pay attention to peoples cardboxes at weddings. Hope things work out for you!

This may sound Harsh but ITS YOUR WEDDING! You cant make everyone happy. Ignore her when she cries. Have you sat down with her and said 'this is my wedding and It should be what I want' Maybe you should cry and make her life a living hell when she decides what you should and shouldnt do. I know this is easier said then done but you have to stand up for yourself...could your mom be a lil jealous? If you cant stand up to her maybe you should have someone else explain how you feel, FH, your dad, sis, bro, aunt?

ps I had to have the same talk with my DAD

Good Luck

im sorry that you are dealing with this. my mom was the same way but not as bad. she still cant get over the fact that im not doing a vail or garter and bo-k toss. but guess what its YOUR AND FH wedding not hers. and she has to know that. i told my mom that and she has back off a little more with all the comments.

hang in there!!!

Sorry she's being so difficult
How does she feel about a card bag? Some brides do that instead of a card box?

I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time! Honestly, I think you should say that you don't care how jews/italians/anyone else do things, and that you only care about how you do them.

Maybe it sounds harsh, but it sounds like it's time to say something strong.

I don't think cardboxes are rude at all. Your mom needs to relax and understand she isn't the one getting married. Sorry.. but moms can be a bit too much at times. I would tell her as much too. Be honest and tell her how you feel...that she is stressing you out and ruining the experience for you.

FYI 2 stories of extreme incidents like yours.Two of my friends went through the SAME thing and their moms weren't paying for a thing. One told her mother that if she keeps it up, she's calling off the wedding and left her house for a couple of days. Her mom freaked and didn't know where she was, etc. She told her mother that she won't be invited to the wedding if she keeps it up. Her mom backed off and realized she was being ridiculous and apologized. Didn't realize her behavior was causing stress.

My other friend told her mother that is was her wedding and if she didn't like it, she could shut up and not attend, very non-chalantly. Her mother was shocked...but before she could say anything, Jen said, (very calmly) ya know what mom, you're stressing me out and making an *** of yourself in front of my friends right now yelling and causing drama like a Mom-zilla. You seriously need to realize that I am paying for this wedding, NOT you. It is OUR DAY and it will be how we want it. Are we clear? Now stop barking orders and just be happy for me. You're not suppose to stress out the bride.

Her mom started to cry (five of us were there when this happened tying favor tags) She apologized to all of us and tried to help us.

It doens't have to get that far, I'm sure your mom doesn't want to cause you stress. Just tell her.

Tell your mom we were at a bar mitzvah last week where they had a card box.

Not only is it not tacky, it's really smart, practical, and elegant.

A huge sign saying 'place money here' would be tacky.

Sorry you're going through this.

i am so sorry to hear about this... you have to put your foot down!

I had my mom tell me about some of the things that I had to do BUT I put my foot down on some things. I am getting my way but appeasing my mom too

I think we're related! My mom pulls the 'jews dont do that' card all the time. Tell your mom that half my family is orthodox and lots of them had card boxes. Its not in the Torah! And hello Jews ALWAYS give checks so why not have a box?

How does she feel about favors? Thats my mom's biggest gripe!

So sorry you are dealing with this. My Mom is Italian and my Dad is Jewish...neither thought a card box was rude or tacky. She is being a bit dramatic. I say get the box and dont tell her.

As for the shower, I am sorry you arent going to have one. Cant your bridal party overule her?