Vent: Not sure how to deal with this anymore (sorry kinda long)

Some of you may or may not know but FH had cancer a couple years ago - it was pretty bad but he's great now. he reached his 5 year mark and thats a huge deal. The only thing is he goes once a month for an immune system IV since the chemo he did knocked out his immune system and being a 1st grade teacher that really makes life difficult.

He gets sick once in a blue - gets a cold, runny nose, always has a cough, his eyes get red a lot but nothing that is too over the top.

At the Yankee game this Saturday he got real sick and we ended up in the First Aid office for most of the game and had to leave early. His dad was a nervous wreck - which made FH get more anxious which then made him more sick. Anytime he has something wrong w/ him (FH) it goes back to him having had cancer. Everything is a production - everything has to be so dramatic and I just can't deal.

I don't know how to find the middle ground of being sympathetic to what his family went through and making sure FH continues his life w/out always been labeled by the disease he had.

I wasn't in his life directly when he was sick but I'm not a moron, I understand how serious it was. But I'm in his life NOW and i just cant stand that they baby him and constantly feel this need to be over the top. I've talked to FH about it before - but there isnt much he can do. His parents are kinda set in their ways and i just dont know how to make it not bother me.

I guess I'm not really looking for an answer since there really isnt a question here - but I just needed to let this out.

Thanks!

i know its 5 years ago, but the big C lingers in your mind bc its so scary.

Try to remember that no matter how old he is, he's still their little boy. My aunt is like this w my cousin. she had cancer that they caught really early and every time she's sick..even a cold, my aunt goes nuts.

mind you, my cousin is a doctor now and keeps telling her Mom to calm down.

I think you're going to have to find a way to let them worry about hm. maybe once he gets married, they'll let go a bit.

i'm sure it's hard, but i would try to ignore it. they probably have the thought that 'they could have lost him' in their head, so this the way they feel they need to act with him now. practice your deep breathing exercises...woosah!

I hear what you're saying... living life worrying all the time is no fun, and you want to live life knowing he's healthy until you know otherwise, god forbid. It's frustrating because they're not letting him, or YOU lead a life like veryone else when every sniffle is cancer.

Unfortunately, unless you feel you can talk to them froma relly honest and vulnerable place about this, there isn't anything you can do, but vent away!

PS, what was wrong with FH, is he ok?

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Posted by allornil

i know its 5 years ago, but the big C lingers in your mind bc its so scary.

Try to remember that no matter how old he is, he's still their little boy. My aunt is like this w my cousin. she had cancer that they caught really early and every time she's sick..even a cold, my aunt goes nuts.

mind you, my cousin is a doctor now and keeps telling her Mom to calm down.

I think you're going to have to find a way to let them worry about hm. maybe once he gets married, they'll let go a bit.

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Deep down I know that - I know they are scared. But what scares me is how muc that affects FH - to the point where it makes him worse. And that is exactly what happened this weekend.

I would like to think they will let go but a part of me feels it will actually get worse

wow, that is a tough situation. Amy's right, cancer is something you can't easily forget about so I can understand FH's family being so worried and 'on alert.'

I can also understand where you're coming from since you'd rather not be constantly reminded that FH had such a serious condition. I know I would be a wreck if I had to constantly think about the mortality of any of my loved ones.

FFIL had prostate cancer and he's okay now but he hasn't reached his 5 year mark yet so whenever he feels even slightly sick, everyone jumps on him to go see a doctor, get tested etc...it's just hard for everyone involved

sorry you are dealing with this

I'm sorry, I am sure it is tough and annoying to deal with that from them all the time. In the same respect though they are still his parents and parents can act that way. I am sure they still consider him their little boy and it was extremely scary for them and they probably aren't ready to let go.

We are here for you so feel free to vent as much as you want!

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Posted by JLWSJC


PS, what was wrong with FH, is he ok?

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It was a mixture of what he ate and the heat. The food he ate during the day didnt really agree with him and the heat kinda added to that. He threew up a lot and his BP was super low - he got really yellowish/green and was sweating like no other. He is okay now - but it was just a mixture of things that got him sick. thanks

Your FH has to let them know that he doesn't want to be babied and he wants to try and live a normal life.

I have a weird disease called sarcoidosis...granted it's not cancer, but I'll still share my experience with you (and all of LIW) and my mom is a nervous wreck every single time I feel sick in any way shape or form. Sarcoiod can attack any organ and/or muscle in the body. Basically it creates tiny things called granulomas that lump together to form masses. It can make you feel sooo crappy that you can't even get of bed in the morning but on other days you feel fantastic! I have it in my lungs and before they knew it was sarcoid they thought it was lymphoma so they cut through my nerves and in between my ribs into my lungs a removed a mass within my lung about 2 inches by 3 inches...So I can't breathe that great and have a slew of other issues including a weakened immune system. OF course this scares my mom...but I'm the one that had to tell her to chill out and don't be so concerned over every ache and pain or sniffle - NOT my FH.

So I know it's annoyign for you and porobably annoying for your FH, but he has to be the one to tell them to back off otherwise you may come across as insensitive.

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Posted by AmberandBrian11

Your FH has to let them know that he doesn't want to be babied and he wants to try and live a normal life.

I have a weird disease called sarcoidosis...granted it's not cancer, but I'll still share my experience with you (and all of LIW) and my mom is a nervous wreck every single time I feel sick in any way shape or form. Sarcoiod can attack any organ and/or muscle in the body. Basically it creates tiny things called granulomas that lump together to form masses. It can make you feel sooo crappy that you can't even get of bed in the morning but on other days you feel fantastic! I have it in my lungs and before they knew it was sarcoid they thought it was lymphoma so they cut through my nerves and in between my ribs into my lungs a removed a mass within my lung about 2 inches by 3 inches...So I can't breathe that great and have a slew of other issues including a weakened immune system. OF course this scares my mom...but I'm the one that had to tell her to chill out and don't be so concerned over every ache and pain or sniffle - NOT my FH.

So I know it's annoyign for you and porobably annoying for your FH, but he has to be the one to tell them to back off otherwise you may come across as insensitive.

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wow, is it something that can be cured or is it lifelong?

unfortunatley there is no cure because they do not know hoow people get it! And then of course it's a more obscure disease so there isn't much funding for research.

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Posted by AmberandBrian11

Your FH has to let them know that he doesn't want to be babied and he wants to try and live a normal life.

I have a weird disease called sarcoidosis...granted it's not cancer, but I'll still share my experience with you (and all of LIW) and my mom is a nervous wreck every single time I feel sick in any way shape or form. Sarcoiod can attack any organ and/or muscle in the body. Basically it creates tiny things called granulomas that lump together to form masses. It can make you feel sooo crappy that you can't even get of bed in the morning but on other days you feel fantastic! I have it in my lungs and before they knew it was sarcoid they thought it was lymphoma so they cut through my nerves and in between my ribs into my lungs a removed a mass within my lung about 2 inches by 3 inches...So I can't breathe that great and have a slew of other issues including a weakened immune system. OF course this scares my mom...but I'm the one that had to tell her to chill out and don't be so concerned over every ache and pain or sniffle - NOT my FH.

So I know it's annoyign for you and porobably annoying for your FH, but he has to be the one to tell them to back off otherwise you may come across as insensitive.

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Thank you for sharing your story and kudos to you for being so strong.

I guess i never thought of it that way - that FH really needs to sit down with them and talk to them about this sorta thing.

I hope this whole thing doesnt sound insensitive b/c thats not the case - I just want FH to move on and have a new life. I know it will always be a part of him but it shouldnt define him.

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Posted by AmberandBrian11

unfortunatley there is no cure because they do not know hoow people get it! And then of course it's a more obscure disease so there isn't much funding for research.

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I'm so sorry to hear that!

i would say that his parents were terrified of losing him, since it really isn't natural to lose your child befor eyou die.

i would handle this like this: if he gets sick, and its just like a common cold or allergy or something minor, then reassure them that its just a cough, runny nose, whatever. the less fuss you and your FH make about it, the less dire his parents will think it is. it may take many years for these fears to go away, but eventually they might, but then again, it may be a fear they will always carry. but your FH is a true trooper and survivor for living and beating his cancer! a little cold isn't going to bring him down!

I'm sorry but you might not like what I am going to have to say.

I didn't even read the other posts. Have you ever lost anyone to cancer? If you have then you know that it is the most difficult time in a persons life. If you haven't then you can not understand what the people around him went through.

I would give ANYTHING to have my father back. And if I had been lucky enough to still have him, every little thing that happened to him would send me into a panic.

You just have to deal.

Tough situation because once you have cancer your risk for getting it again is doubled (I know numerous people who had cancer more then 1 time).

So I can see why his parents always bring it up. Unfortuantely, people tend to think the worst right away and to them that is the worst. It might be healther for FH though if they don't voice it to him as often. The best treatment for anything, cancer or a cold, is a positive outlook.