VENT-sorta long

So I'm not really new on here...I just made a new login because I wanted to vent without anyone knowing who I am.
Tonight I had a couple of my bm's over to work on some wedding stuff. All in all it was fun! The problem is that a mutual friend of ours is not talking to me and hasn't since I didn't ask her to be in the wedding party. I have plenty of reasons as to why I didn't ask....and they are all good and valid reasons. For example, she never calls (she lives out of state) & she knows nothing about any of our lives. When she does come home to visit, she doesn't call to hang out with anyone and the biggest reason (among many others) that I didn't ask her is because she wasn't a good bridesmaid for my other friends. I sat back and watched as she did nothing to help out the other brides, didn't know where to be on the day of, didn't know what appts. any of us had, etc. Basically she showed up the day of weddings and did what she had too. The worst part is, she doesn't even think or know how crappy of a bridesmaid she was. I didn't want a half-a*sed bridesmaid in my party. and I told her that, in the nicest words I could find. FH and I also wanted to keep the BP somewhat small so I had to draw the line somewhere and I did just that, at my closest friends (4) and FH's sister. I tried explaining my reasons to her after I got engaged but she wouldn't hear any of it. It turned into a fight. I said some things I shouldn't have (but later apologized to her in a letter for it getting out of hand) but I still stand by my reasons for not having her.I did feel bad in the beginning but I know I made the right choice in the end. I've since gotten over feeling bad but I haven't heard from her since.
So tonight, I asked if anyone had heard from her. I know she bought a house so I asked if anyone had gotten her new address. Turns out both of my bm's have chatted with her and do have her address. I was a little taken back that nobody said anything about having talked to her but I know they don't want to get in the middle....but IT BOTHERS ME!
She's not talking to me...I'm not NOT talking to her. I feel like someone should say to her 'Hey, why don't you give 'bride' a call and work things out.' If I wasn't asked to be in a bridal party of a friend, I would still go to the wedding. I told her it was important to me that she's there but I guess it didn't matter at that point. She was too hurt. I just feel like she should get over it already and act her age instead of completely destroying what was left of our friendship . I know we haven't been close but I didn't want to wreck a friendship over it. I just had to draw the line.
I just don't know what to do when she comes up in conversation. I immediatey get annoyed and heated and in my head, I'm flipping out but I don't want to say the words aloud to my friends. She's not a good friend...she hasn't been in a while. I know it bothers them WAAAAAAY
less than it bothers me. They are very passive-aggresive and I'm not at all. This girl thinks that 6 months can go by and we can just pick up where we left off and I don't agree at all. I think friends talk often and know what's going on in each others lives. I was always making the effort for our friendship and I just got so tired of being the only one who does! I just don't know how to deal with my other friends without getting so mad. They have the right to be friends with her but I just wish someone would stand up for me for once. I feel like I'm the bad guy to everyone when I was just doing what I thought was right for me and my wedding. Nobody is blaming me for my choice but I don't feel like I have anyone on my team either. What do you think??
Sorry so long. I needed to get this off my chest.

im sorry she's being so immature about it and would not even like to attend your wedding as a guest. If you have a small bridal party and drew the lines she should really understand and still want to be there for you on your day. It stinks that you have to go through this, and honestly you want her at your wedding badly but she doesnt want to be there bad enough - its HER LOSS, she gets to miss your fun beautiful day. dont let her ruin it. As you said you guys arent close anymore, if you really care you can try to reconcile your friendship but it seems as if theres not much of a friendship left to begin with.... All in all , in life there are just some things that you have to let go, and some people who come and go in your life....she decided to leave... !! sad as it is, but dont let this be something that bothers you too much. You seem to have a nice set of close friends

and yea i would never want a half hearted /half as*sed bridesmaid in my wedding party. so smart choice by NOT chooseing her....

Thats a tough situation but to me it doesnt seem like this girl is a real friend and as for your other friends I think maybe they are trying not to get in the middle I am sorry you have to deal with this but it sounds like you made the right decision

First, Im sure nobody on here would have cared if they knew who you were.... Its okay to vent!

I was confused a little though by your post. It sounds like you don't know whether you want to be friends with her or not so I dont really know how to respond. You listed all of the reasons you didnt want her in your BP, and why she isnt a good friend and why youre justified in your decision, which is all fine, but then why are you upset that she isnt coming to the wedding/that you are not friends. I think it would be helpful to ask yourself whether this is a friendship that you genuinely want to try to mend and if so, start taking those steps! talk to her again and see if you can work things out! If not, when youre with your friends, it will only be as awkward as you let it when her name is brought up. Focus on the friends youre actually with, whats going on in their lives, whats going on in yours, etc. If you feel comfortable and know in your heart that you are not the 'bad guy' it doesnt really matter what anyone else thinks. Its your wedding and every bride deserves to have a support system around her, you made the decision thats works best for you. be okay with that.

JMO!

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

First, Im sure nobody on here would have cared if they knew who you were.... Its okay to vent!

I was confused a little though by your post. It sounds like you don't know whether you want to be friends with her or not so I dont really know how to respond. You listed all of the reasons you didnt want her in your BP, and why she isnt a good friend and why youre justified in your decision, which is all fine, but then why are you upset that she isnt coming to the wedding/that you are not friends. I think it would be helpful to ask yourself whether this is a friendship that you genuinely want to try to mend and if so, start taking those steps! talk to her again and see if you can work things out! If not, when youre with your friends, it will only be as awkward as you let it when her name is brought up. Focus on the friends youre actually with, whats going on in their lives, whats going on in yours, etc. If you feel comfortable and know in your heart that you are not the 'bad guy' it doesnt really matter what anyone else thinks. Its your wedding and every bride deserves to have a support system around her, you made the decision thats works best for you. be okay with that.

JMO!

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Thanks! I'm content with my decision, definitely. I just think that she could definitely be a better friend but I don't want to lose her friendship...I never did. If it were me, and I wasn't asked in a BP, I'd still go to the wedding. We've been friends a long time and I just didn't think she'd throw it all away over something like this. Unforunately we have grown apart a bit. Sad but true. I tried calling her once. She never called me back. I guess I'll see what happens after the invites go out.
The ball will be in her court then. Thanks for the imput.
PS I wasn't worried about my venting to the LIW brides... sometimes I worry about who comes on here and reads everything. I just don't want my business everywhere.

Thanks for your kind words. I was hoping to hear something like this.

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Posted by Bride2B0807

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

First, Im sure nobody on here would have cared if they knew who you were.... Its okay to vent!

I was confused a little though by your post. It sounds like you don't know whether you want to be friends with her or not so I dont really know how to respond. You listed all of the reasons you didnt want her in your BP, and why she isnt a good friend and why youre justified in your decision, which is all fine, but then why are you upset that she isnt coming to the wedding/that you are not friends. I think it would be helpful to ask yourself whether this is a friendship that you genuinely want to try to mend and if so, start taking those steps! talk to her again and see if you can work things out! If not, when youre with your friends, it will only be as awkward as you let it when her name is brought up. Focus on the friends youre actually with, whats going on in their lives, whats going on in yours, etc. If you feel comfortable and know in your heart that you are not the 'bad guy' it doesnt really matter what anyone else thinks. Its your wedding and every bride deserves to have a support system around her, you made the decision thats works best for you. be okay with that.

JMO!

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Thanks! I'm content with my decision, definitely. I just think that she could definitely be a better friend but I don't want to lose her friendship...I never did. If it were me, and I wasn't asked in a BP, I'd still go to the wedding. We've been friends a long time and I just didn't think she'd throw it all away over something like this. Unforunately we have grown apart a bit. Sad but true. I tried calling her once. She never called me back. I guess I'll see what happens after the invites go out.
The ball will be in her court then. Thanks for the imput.
PS I wasn't worried about my venting to the LIW brides... sometimes I worry about who comes on here and reads everything. I just don't want my business everywhere.

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well i guess youll see when you send out invites. but instead of guessing or waiting and worrying about it you can always try to contact her again if you want to and try to talk it out. i mean i would still go to a wedding even if i wasnt asked to be in the BP but thats me. the other thing ive tried to remind myself when friendships have come down to something like this (drifted apart) is that i can wish so hard for a friend to be the kind of friend i want/need but its not going to make it happen. unfortunately you cant make her be as supportive and attentive as she could/should be right now. all you can do is try to do your part and see if she reciprocates. if not, youll know you tried on your end. GL!

hope all goes well, once the invites are out