Venting

So I've been putting off venting for days trying to be the understand person but unfortunately I'm not able to turn in over and I'm still frustrated.

My maid of honor has been my BF for a lil over 15yrs. She's always kinda competed with me with things and mimicked my style with things. Whatever, it's not place to take Anyones inventory.

However, I don't know what's going on with her, if she jealous, upset, disappointed that we are in different places in life... I could keep guessing. Things in her life aren't great right now. She sort of self-sabotages. She hasn't been able to find a job in a few months, the guy she was seeing recently told her that he'd rather be friends. She just turned 30. Maybe she feels like her world is crashing down on her.

Now, I don't ask for much. For 2 wks she's been away in CA vacationing... She's text me here and there when I text her. Finally I started to get a little annoyed the other night, I text her that we booked our DJ and we are so excited and got a good deal. I get no response at all. So I text her a bit later and she says she responded. That's fine, it could happen.

I've been trying on dresses.... Six years ago my mom died. 2.5 yrs after that my step mom died. I knew her since I was six. So I don't have a mom. I don't have much family. My only brother and sister in law moved to CT and she's trying to help as much as she can. And FH & I are paying for everything ourselves with a tight budget, this being said we aren't having a bridal party. We are having a MOH & a Best Man.

So my MOH before she went on vacation wasn't helpful, excited, or interested at all. Thankfully I have an amazing FH who is totally into the planning and everything, but he's off work and has been home doing research and stuff. She hasn't called us once to see how it's going or if he needs any help. The one thing she said to me when I saw her with my ring was, wow that looks so crazy on ur finger. (not crazy gd, crazy like bc I'm getting married). She has no problems with FH, they get along well.

I've been emailing her dress pics and asking her opinion, it's impt to me. I barely get any response back. I get a pretend to be interested response. Im not overwhelming her or bombarding her with calls or text by any means. So I finally I sent her a long text saying: 'Very cool!!! Enjoy. Just wanted to talk to u about being maid of honor when u get back n see if ur really up for the responsibility. U seem really caught up lately n I need someone who's really gonna be able to be active. I don't have a bridal party or a mom but there r ppl who can help u. I feel like ur detached n would rather be uninvolved. I know it's a lot but I only have 1 wedding n 1 maid of honor. ' .... She wrote me back a response saying that's silly and not to feel that way and of purse she's going to be there for me but I just need to tell her what to do.... But all I want her to do IS JUST BE INTERESTED & happy for us and give a **** about our wedding.

I'm sorry for going on so long. I've just been keeping this in for so many days. I've also read other ppls posts about how they cut someone out of their wedding and they aren't friends anymore, and it's scary. I'm sad and my feelings are hurt. When she's home I'm going to communicate this all with her calmly & gently, (nobody responds well if they feel like they are being attacked) but I'm just sad. Like I said, I don't ask for much and don't expect much but atleast be able to show up for me!

that's so sucky that you feel that way. I honestly think you should tell her, just like you told her. Maybe she has something to get off her chest too. I would say 'listen we are best friends, and ave been for 15 years. THere's something I want to talk toyou about because you mean a lot to me and I really want you to be an integral part of this day' Then explain your feelings and ask 'is there anything you need to talk about. How do you feel about this?' Be compassionate, not accusatory. The way you worded it here was good.

GOOD LUCK & i'm so sorry about your family situation :( Try to cheer up chica

Aww sorry girlie.

My MOH's being weird too. She's been kinda depressed lately. She's been at the same job for a while (it's basically a high school job and she's 25) and she's still pretty broken up about a boy she dated. She texted one of my BM's the other day to ask her what she thought of all this wedding stuff.

She's very pessimistic when it comes to love and life and I just hope she doesn't try anything funny.

We're always here for you if you need to vent. Are you going to the G2G on Sunday?

---

Posted by OptimisticGazer

Aww sorry girlie.

My MOH's being weird too. She's been kinda depressed lately. She's been at the same job for a while (it's basically a high school job and she's 25) and she's still pretty broken up about a boy she dated. She texted one of my BM's the other day to ask her what she thought of all this wedding stuff.

She's very pessimistic when it comes to love and life and I just hope she doesn't try anything funny.

We're always here for you if you need to vent. Are you going to the G2G on Sunday?

---

Thanks ladies for listening, sometimes it's exactly what you need. I'm going to be away for a week. Leaving Friday. I'm gonna miss this site & everyone on it! Enjoy though. :) I'm sure there will be another one in the future. <3

I agree with the above, it really sucks you have to deal with this! Sometimes friends get wacky when suddenly there is a shift and you are no longer doing the exact same things! One of my BMs has been acting the same way you describe - detached, uninterested, and overall underwhelmed! All I know is that we've been friends forever so I'm just giving her the time she needs to adjust to our changing circumstances! Hopefully you and your friend can work things out Catch you at the next g2g btw!!!

Aww that stinks your going through all of this... You definitely took the first step in confronting her, now if I were you I would confront her in person again -- Sometimes when people are face to face they might elaborate a little more on what they really feel rather then text (since sometimes texting a lot takes a long time) -- It does seem like she is a bit detached so it isnt you at all!!



HTH and keep us posted!!!!

Unfortunately when people are in a funk, its hard to communicate with them and get the true story on whats going on. If you two had a great relationship, I would suggest talking to her in person and letting her know how you feel.

I know this is your time to shine, but maybe she needs a little reassurance about her own situation?

I'm sure things will work out after you have a heart-2-heart.

Good luck!

You said there's a lot of stuff going on and honestly.. it can make it difficult to communicate. She most likely is depressed and just wants to be happy, but can't be as happy as she would like to be. I'm sure she's happy for you.. but at the same time.. just acting disinterested because of her own things. I wouldn't get too upset right now and think the worst until you talk things out... maybe with a box of tissues, a bottle of wine, and some chocolates nearby

That's JMO though... but good luck and keep us updated!

awwww this is a sad story! I want to just go shopping with you! I care!! I love weddings. I'm happy for you & I don't even know you!


Hang in there. I would def take her aside & talk to her about it. Sounds like a little bit of jealousy

Vent whenever you need to. That is one of the many great things about this board. I was saying to FH the other day... I am so glad that I found this board because the 2012 girls (I am sure the 2011 girls do to I just dont knmow them as well) rock!

I would try to have a conversation with her (not over text) and let her know how you feel. The worst thing to do is bottle it all up.

Find out from her what she is able to do to help you for the wedding. One thing you have to remember is by choosing to have only one MOH and no Bridesmaids that gives you less people to delegate things to. That means you are only able to delegate what she can handle and not what you want to. Hey that is what we are here for. If there are things that we can help with I am sure there are plenty of us that would roll up their sleeves and help. I know I would!

I know exactly what you are talking about. But thats why we are all here. To listen and vent to eachother. I'm sorry your feeling this way. I would say talk to your friend and tell her exactly how you feel, maybe perhaps she's a lil sad b/c she feels she could be losing you soon. Not losing you as a friend, but just as a companion. ONce you get married priorities will change and she might think your relationship might become distant. Or who knows maybe she's just sad b/c she doesn't have a job. it could be a lot of thing that are not related to your wedding plans. Hopefully she opens up and everything works out for both of you!!

Unfortunately, the people we feel we know best do not always act the way we would expect them to. It can be very disappointing and confusing. I would suggest sitting down with her and talking to her face to face. Explain to her how you feel, how you do not want to burden and overwhelm her but you require support and assistance. If she says she is going to help, then I would give her a shot. If it looks like it is not going to work out then you may have to ask her to step down. I am currently going thru a similar situation with my sister. It's very difficult. I hope you two and can work this out.

I agree with other girls, you should definitely bring it up again face to face, ask her how she's doing first since she seems to be going through a lot. Just explain to her as how you explained it to us. I'm sorry you going through this though, definitely not fun.

Just remember that she probably is really excited for you and its her problems that are out of her control that are making her sad and probably uninterested.

We are all VERY excited for you and are here for you when you need someone to get excited over the littlest things!

I am sorry that you are dealing with all of this. Feel free to vent away... we all need to every now and then!

I have seen this MOH/BM situation happen a few times with my friends, where the MOH or BM just doesn't seem interested or excited. Usually when it's time for the BM or MOH to get married later on they are so sorry for treating the bride this way because they didn't realize how much you need the support of your friends until it's their turn to get married!

Just have a nice talk with her - ask her about her life just as much as you talk about yours. I am sure she will come around.

Good Luck!