Venting....Sorry so long ladies.

Good morning Ladies,

My best friend, sister sometimes even a mother to me is going through a real bad time right now personally. Her and her husband recently got separated in Oct., Nov. and I got engaged on New Year's Day! Although I am in my moment, I have always made it abdundantly clear that I am always here for her.
Long story short, I was having her as my MOH. However, everytime we try to set up a date it does not work for her. I try to change my plans for her and when I do and get back to her she then tells me that she can't make it. With everything that is going on I ask that she give me a call. Twice she has said she was going to call and didn't. Before making any final decisions I wanted to see what was the reason she has not reached out again. Once again, more problems. Her and her room mate got into it, she was trying to save up money to go back to school and now she will have to use that money to move again and why is this happening to her.
I sympathize and am compassionate of what she is going through at this time and I think her main focus should be on herself and her son at this point. I would love for them to attend my wedding as I consider them my extended family but her focus right now should be her situation rather than MOH responsibilities.
She understood my decision and to be quite honest I am relieved as well. I want to surround myself around those that are truly and genuinely happy for me and I just don 't get that from her at all. Even when things were still good with her and her husband. I mean she has not even took the time out to get to know my FH. She is just so whatever about the situation.
The last time I saw her was when I dropped off gifts for her son for Christmas and have not seen her since.
Like I said we try to make arrangements to meet up but it does not work around her schedule. I mean she can not even call me???
I would have loved her to be a part of this special day with me not only on the day of but all the steps that lead to that special day and nothing. When she reaches out to me its always about her situation and all what she is going through and that's it. Never how am I doing? How is everything coming along? Nothing. When I reach out to her her response is always sad and down and negative.
Like I said I am so sympathic to what it is she is going through and have always been there for her. Am I wrong for wanting her to be there for me - just a little. On facebook she is going out with her cousin-in-law and niece-in-law and out and about but she can't meet up with me for a quick bite to eat. Nothing. I have booked all my vendors and now going with my Matron and Maid of honor for dresses and still hear nothing from her, ideas, suggestions, nothing. Sorry it being so looooonnnnggggggggggg but I did not ever expect it to be this way between us. I kinda feel she is relieved to have that extra stress taken off of her shoulders of being my MOH because she was very quick to say she understood.

You are understanding of her position, and just because you are being compassionate and a good friend doesn't mean you can't feel upset about her behavior. Especially since she doesn't ask you how everything is with you. It sounds to me like she doesn't have the ability to be happy for you right now. Hopefully as it gets closer to your wedding shell be more interested. I'm sure the reason she didnt get to know your FH was because she was having problems with her husband. She couldn't be happy for you because she wasn't happy with her situation.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I had a similar experience. I waited very long to ask my girls just to see if I would run into any issues. I decided to go to dinner with each girl to ask them to be in the bridal party. I'm still waiting for my cousin to make that plan with me after reaching out consistently since OCTOBER. Needless to say, she's not in the wedding. It upsets me she couldn't find time for me, but if she can't find time for dinner she won't be able to find time for wedding activities either. I wonder if she even realizes I wanted to ask her to be in the bridal party. This one definitely saddens me.

One of my best friends who I've asked to be in the bridal party (Maid of Honor position, although I have 3 MOHs), I haven't heard from her in over a month. I make it a point to make sure I still maintain a normal friendship with all the girls, go out to dinner, spend time with them, without talking about the wedding. I don't want them to think our friendship is all about the wedding right now. I've been trying to make dinner plans for a month and I still haven't heard back from her.

You never know the reason that people do what they do. Maybe your friend is so upset about her divorce she can't deal with thinking about your wedding right now. It's unfortunate because you probably imagined your day one way and she was a part of it. You still have time, maybe she will come around.

The sad part is she acted distant with me even before. I invited her to a surprise b-day party for my then boyfriend now FH and she handed him a birthday card and said Happy Birthday even though I don't know you. The comment could have been left out. We went out a few other times and it was always about her.
Then things went sour with her relationship and once again I always made sure I could be there for her. Despite everything that she is going through she is just really uninterested I believe. Regardless of where I am in my life (Good or Bad) I reach out and check in. My friends that are in my wedding and that are helping and giving me ideas all say the same thing. It's best that she not be in your bridal party and this relationship has always been one sided. Unfortunately with what I am going through right now she can not be happy for me as I would like her to be. It is what it is. Going brides maid shopping in two wekks and am going to make the best of it. Looking back at it now I am happy who I have standing beside me as I know they are truly happy for me and that is what matters.