VENTING...GRRRRRR

Rob and Robin Posted: Jun 11, 2011 09:21 PM

VENTING...GRRRRRR

Done venting. Thanks ladies.

linda_art Posted: Jun 11, 2011 09:25 PM

Re: VENTING...GRRRRRR

This is terrible. Go punch a pillow or scream!!! Im so sorry. Im not even sure what else to say bc if I was this frustrated and in your shoes I'd have to let out a little rage before I became functional.

Parents have issues. Please dont personalize them.

FutureWifey Posted: Jun 11, 2011 09:26 PM

Re: VENTING...GRRRRRR

Wow... really... it's your day.. so unless someone is paying for it, what is it of their business? FH and I are having a 200 person wedding... and it's costing a down payment on a house.... but we're paying for it.. us. It is none of anybodys business and you should feel free to throw that back. (Not in a snot way.. but just putting your foot down).

ckones Posted: Jun 11, 2011 09:27 PM

Re: VENTING...GRRRRRR

It's your wedding and it's ultimately your day and it should exactly how you always dreamed it would be. You should plan it to be as special as possible within your financial means.. It's tough when the expense all falls on you and your FH.. But since that is the case then nobody should have any say in how to plan to spend that money to celebrate your marriage. I think he's being unreasonable if you ask me. However, dads are notorious for being a bit unreasonable... My dad and I have already bumped heads 3x's regarding my wedding plans.

FutureMrsGTL Posted: Jun 11, 2011 09:30 PM

Re: VENTING...GRRRRRR

grrr I wrote a whole thing and it didnt post!

so in short I am so so sorry you are dealing with this! to me it sounds like you are being very practical, not spoiled or selfish at all! at $40 per person I don't see how he could really complain!

Rob and Robin Posted: Jun 11, 2011 09:50 PM

Re: VENTING...GRRRRRR

Thanks girls. I just hate feeling like I am acting spoiled or something. I know he is worried about the money, and I feel horrible for asking for a cent. My dad works very very hard at a back-breaking job and weddings just aren't even a thought in my family.

I have to remember that wanting a wedding doesn't make me a bad person.

soon2beMrsHenry92912 Posted: Jun 11, 2011 10:09 PM

Re: VENTING...GRRRRRR

Posted by Rob and Robin

I have to remember that wanting a wedding doesn't make me a bad person.

You are not a bad person for wanting a wedding. Most girls dream of their wedding day and you have every right to have the one you want. Dad's just don't understand the whole wedding thing...if my Dad could have it his way, we would be having a backyard bbq a la 'Father of the Bride' But, instead, 2 of his daughters are getting married 4 months apart, c'est la vie. But he still tries to add his 2 cents in when he can. I know how hard it must be to ask others for financial help with the wedding. My parents and me and FH are paying for the wedding. FH's family is not contributing at all at this point. And it's terrible that your dad is making you feel bad for your guest list, but if you are inviting 100 people, and on average 10-20% can't make it. And even if all your guests do make it, 100 is still considered small. Your wedding is a celebration, and thats how it should be thought of. And I really hope that your family realizes this and you have an amazing wedding!

Rob and Robin Posted: Jun 11, 2011 10:14 PM

Re: VENTING...GRRRRRR

Thank you so much. Such kind words. I feel better now.

Such a supportive community!

1112bride Posted: Jun 11, 2011 10:36 PM

Re: VENTING...GRRRRRR

I'm sorry that you have to feel this way, but no way in hell are you being selfish or unreasonable. It's your day, and your wallet, and both you and your FH know what's best for the two of you. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise, family or not.

christinajimmy06 Posted: Jun 11, 2011 10:38 PM

Re: VENTING...GRRRRRR

Posted by Rob and Robin

Robin, I think you're not being selfish or spoiled.
I think you and your fiancee are right for wanting who you want there to celebrate your love, whether it's 100 or 200 guests.

I have a similar situation going on with my mom, not with the wedding, but with my bridal shower.

She got on my case one day about how many people I was planning on inviting. She would like to be the one that hosts it, but unfortunately, she can't financially.
i came to this conclusion after many fights about who I wanted there and why.

Could he have made the comment ( I am just having a hard time wrapping my head around this. It is such a large number of people.') because he wants or wanted to contribute ? Maybe he's feeling upset because he can't? Or plans on contributing and is trying to figure out how?

I don't know, these were just my thoughts. HTH!

Edited for content

Rob and Robin Posted: Jun 11, 2011 10:48 PM

Re: VENTING...GRRRRRR

Family dynamics are so hard! I think you are right, Christina, because I know he would love to contribute if he had the money. I think he is worried about how much it will cost and if what he was planning will make a dent. I feel bad because he has always done what he can. It is just so hard because it is like a delicate line between making the day what we want and making my family feel comfortable. I like to think I am thoughtful and sensitive to his financial situation, but maybe I need to take a step back and realize he does want to contribute, but is nervous about what that might mean.

I feel like talking it out with your girls has brought me so much more clarity and understanding. Thank you.

soon2beMrsHenry92912 Posted: Jun 12, 2011 09:10 AM

Re: VENTING...GRRRRRR

Posted by Rob and Robin

Family dynamics are so hard! I think you are right, Christina, because I know he would love to contribute if he had the money. I think he is worried about how much it will cost and if what he was planning will make a dent. I feel bad because he has always done what he can. It is just so hard because it is like a delicate line between making the day what we want and making my family feel comfortable. I like to think I am thoughtful and sensitive to his financial situation, but maybe I need to take a step back and realize he does want to contribute, but is nervous about what that might mean.

I feel like talking it out with your girls has brought me so much more clarity and understanding. Thank you.

I'm glad you are starting to feel better about this Maybe, when things have calmed down a bit and you are able to talk with your Dad a bit more about how he feels, you could ask him if he would to contribute to one thing for the wedding, rather than the whole thing. Looking at each piece (music, flowers, invitations, food, etc.) might be easier and less overwhelming than the wedding as a whole. This way he still feels like he has contributed and is comfortable that he has helped out in some way. HTH!