My FMIL is driving me nuts. She has been the source of my stress from the day FH and I got engaged. Here is a little background.
My FH has a younger brother, who he barely sees or talks to (and they live in the same house!). When they do talk, all they do is bicker and snip at each other- so basically you can say they do not get along.
My FH has chosen who is best man and GM's are. Well, his brother was not among them. He says that since they do not get along, there is no reason for his brother to be in the wedding party. I am going along with his decision.
Well, his mother has been riding me about this for MONTHS! I told her I have already talked to FH, and that his mind is made up. SHE says that FH is being heartless, and that FH's brother will be devastated. I don't see how, since they barely speak, but whatever.
What do you ladies think? Is FH being heartless? How can I get my FMIL to LEAVE ME ALONE about this?
prncssrachel
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Well, how old is FH's brother? If he's a teenager or young 20s, I think the bickering is just a side affect of being young still. My sister and I are STILL bickering to this day over nothing. Sometimes when siblings are grown and living together, it's not a pretty sight. If your FH REALLY REALLY REALLY does not want his brother in the wedding party and WILL NOT REGRET IT LATER IN LIFE, then your FMIL will have to respect your decision. But I am of the opinion that he should try to make ammends and have his brother be part of the BP. JMO.
DrmnBlnd
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His brother is 19 (acts like he is 15). They haven't spoken a civil word to each other in years...
I'll ask him about the 'regret it later in life' thing....it just s u c k s that it comes down to being MY problem, and only my problem.
prncssrachel
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Oh please, it's ALWAYS going to be our problem! J/K. Well, I think that your FMIL knows you have more pull with your FH. Not to mention, you would hope that he would be there to help and be the voice of reason if the tables were turned. I honestly think that it has to do with FH's brother's age. I just know how my sister and I were and still are. Too much sharing space is really bad for older siblings. I just know that I would regret it later on. It's his brother, not a cousin or friend. He will ALWAYS be his brother.
Jordan
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My BIL & his younger brother didn't get along prior to my sister's wedding. My BIL chose a friend to be his BM but he did have his brother in the WP. A few years have passed...my BIL no longer lives at home...and him & his brother get along very well. His brother was very hurt - even though he wouldn't say anything - that he wasn't BM. I think a lot of people assume that they will be BM or MOH solely b/c they are family.
While I think it's your FIs decision...he might regret not having his brother in the WP later on...when they do *finally* become friends. (In my experience - it happened with me & my sister - once one of them moves out, they will start becoming friends. It's the weirdest thing.)
Mary
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Honestly, I'd let your FH handle it. Does he know your FMIL is bothering you about this? My husband would be furious if my MIL was pressuring me to make him do something he did not want to do.
LisaT
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I don't think this should be your problem - can't you tell FMIL in take it up with her SON? Why put you in the middle?
I can understand not having the brother as BM, but he may regret leaving him out all together...
Regardless, its not your call, so FMIL is barking up the wrong tree. Just tell her to back off.
OctBride05
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i also think you should let fh handle it. if he really doesn't want his brother in the wp then i don't think there's anything anyone could say to change his mind.
swags1016
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I think that you should turn it back on her. Tell her you completely understand what she is saying and you have talked to him about it but he won't budge. What does she suggest you do? Why does she think they don't get along? How does she think SHE could help rectify the situation? Tell her you really have tried and that you are stumped and that since she is their mother she would know how to handle the situation best.
Everytime I do this with FMIL, she stops dead in her track because she will never confront her baby boy!!
I hope it gets better!!
michele31
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Tell you to take this up with her son. This is NOT your issue to deal with. Then tell FH to discuss this with his mother and get you out of this loop. You are not your FH's Mom, nor should you get involved in this stuff. If she is upset then he should deal with her, not you.
Thrilled
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FH is 11 years older than his little brother (FBIL), making FBIL 20. FBIL is extremely immature and very much a 'dude.' He idolizes FH, though, and would have been devastated had we not asked him to be BM, which we did. FILs made it very clear that FBIL made it clear to them that he would in fact, be crushed if FH did not ask him to be BM.
We are not looking forward to the Best Man speech
DrmnBlnd
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Thanks so much for letting me vent, ladies. I really appreciate it!
Well. I talked to his mother. I told her that I DO understand where she is coming from BUT as of now, FH has made up his own mind. I told HER to talk to him about it. She is very reluctant, because she knows that he won't listen (FH is kinda stubborn) She also has no idea why they don't get along (yeah, right-I knew why when I first walked into that house!)
FH is VERY pi$$ed that his mother is pushing this on me, when he said he talked to her months ago about it!
I think I am going to try and reason with him some, and see what he really wants to do. I just don't want him, like everyone said, regreting it later....
jess2504
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My opinion is that FMIL is putting you in a bad position by asking you to get in the middle of this situation; it sounds like it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you think that FH will regret it later not putting his brother in the GP, then there is nothing wrong with expressing that, if that is your feeling, but you shouldn't have to advocate for FMIL.
