Very angry...very long vent.. sick of immature people...
Sorry this is long- I was hoping I'd never have to post about this because it is so long, but I'm pretty much at a breaking point and don't know what to do.
Before FH & I started dating, we were best friends and we were both part of the same 'group' of friends. We were interested in each other but the other didn't know, and neither of us really told any of our other friends (I told 3 of them that I was very close to). Then one night while we were all away, everything came together. Eric (FH) & I told each other our feelings, hooked up, and the rest is history.
As SOON as we started dating, our other friends began giving us grief. They said we 'weren't real' because we started going out so quickly and that we 'never liked each other until we hooked up.' The friends that I had told prior didn't stick up for me and claimed that they 'forgot' that I told them.
They stopped inviting us out. FH is a little shy and they aren't; however, FH is a great, wonderful guy guy. So they started to say nasty things about him, and how they didn't 'like him because he was different than them'. I asked them what was going on, and some said 'oh nothing' or ignored me. I found out that since we had started dating they were talking trash about me to other mutual friends.
Then I wrote them a letter and said that was it, about a year and a half into FH & my relationship. I said goodbye. A few months later, two of them came back and said they wanted to talk. I talked with them; I talked with everyone. Everyone agreed that it was over and we should put the past away. I started seeing them again. Then one night, they invited me out and I had made previous plans so I was unable to make it. That was it. They all stopped talking to me again (except for 2 of them that stayed in touch with me). They wouldn't answer me when I asked if they could hang out. They started gossiping about me. These were my best friends since high school, and I was so hurt and upset.
I wrote them another letter and told them how disgusted I was, and that this is no way to treat people. About 2 weeks later I saw them at a mutual friend's birthday- we didn't speak to each other. This was just over a year ago. Right after Eric & I got engaged in March, my BFF of that group sent me a letter congratulating us and saying how sorry that she was and how she can't believe what she did to me. I accepted her apology immediately, and made her my MOH (I always wanted her to be since we were 14, and it was making me sick that I couldn't have her). She has been nothing but great ever since.
Slowly but surely, I started seeing other members of the 'group' (they are ridiculously cliquey). A couple have attempted to make friendships with me again, a couple have been very neutral, and a couple have been downright nasty. There are a lot of them- maybe 10 or so. Last night, I found out that *some* of them are now gossiping about how big my bridal party is, how 'extravagant' of a wedding I'm having, and how many cats I have (ummm sorry for rescuing strays and abused animals and giving them a safe, clean, loving home!) This makes me sick because I don't even know who exactly it is, I just know that it's *some* of them. So I said (loudly) to Eric in front of one of them 'Hey, Eric, would you believe that people are gossping about how big our wedding is and how many cats we have? Isn't that pathetic? They're such babies, they need to grow up.' The girl didn't say anything, she just looked down then walked away.
I don't know what to do. I am so hurt and upset, and it's spilling over into the wedding. I'm doing my Save the Dates soon, and once those go out, I KNOW lines are going to be drawn. I want to invite those that have attempted to make a friendship with me AND I want to invite those that have been neutral because I want to be the bigger person. I know maybe that seems crazy, but I am such a forgiving person, and I would rather be the bigger person. I don't know WHAt to do because I don't know who is 'neutral' and who is gossiping, and there's no way for me to find out. I want to be able to stand up for myself.
On top of that, 2 of Eric's friends stopped speaking to us. Eric did NOT ask them to be in the Bridal Party because 1) we're not having every single friend in it, 2) they aren't as close as they once were, and 3) to be quite honest, they really are not the greatest of friends. I'm not going to get into details, but they are just NOT good friends. They are NOT getting a Save the Date or an Invitation because we KNOW what they did. When Eric's Grandfather passed, they did not even have the tact to offer condolences. They never said anything to us or explained why they were upset; they just completely cut us out of their lives.
I have many, many friends who are wonderful. But I am so sick of these people who treat me like garbage. I want to be able to defend myself. I want to have my dream wedding. I want to be the bigger person. But I just don't know what to do, and I'm so misreable over it all.
Before FH & I started dating, we were best friends and we were both part of the same 'group' of friends. We were interested in each other but the other didn't know, and neither of us really told any of our other friends (I told 3 of them that I was very close to). Then one night while we were all away, everything came together. Eric (FH) & I told each other our feelings, hooked up, and the rest is history.
As SOON as we started dating, our other friends began giving us grief. They said we 'weren't real' because we started going out so quickly and that we 'never liked each other until we hooked up.' The friends that I had told prior didn't stick up for me and claimed that they 'forgot' that I told them.
They stopped inviting us out. FH is a little shy and they aren't; however, FH is a great, wonderful guy guy. So they started to say nasty things about him, and how they didn't 'like him because he was different than them'. I asked them what was going on, and some said 'oh nothing' or ignored me. I found out that since we had started dating they were talking trash about me to other mutual friends.
Then I wrote them a letter and said that was it, about a year and a half into FH & my relationship. I said goodbye. A few months later, two of them came back and said they wanted to talk. I talked with them; I talked with everyone. Everyone agreed that it was over and we should put the past away. I started seeing them again. Then one night, they invited me out and I had made previous plans so I was unable to make it. That was it. They all stopped talking to me again (except for 2 of them that stayed in touch with me). They wouldn't answer me when I asked if they could hang out. They started gossiping about me. These were my best friends since high school, and I was so hurt and upset.
I wrote them another letter and told them how disgusted I was, and that this is no way to treat people. About 2 weeks later I saw them at a mutual friend's birthday- we didn't speak to each other. This was just over a year ago. Right after Eric & I got engaged in March, my BFF of that group sent me a letter congratulating us and saying how sorry that she was and how she can't believe what she did to me. I accepted her apology immediately, and made her my MOH (I always wanted her to be since we were 14, and it was making me sick that I couldn't have her). She has been nothing but great ever since.
Slowly but surely, I started seeing other members of the 'group' (they are ridiculously cliquey). A couple have attempted to make friendships with me again, a couple have been very neutral, and a couple have been downright nasty. There are a lot of them- maybe 10 or so. Last night, I found out that *some* of them are now gossiping about how big my bridal party is, how 'extravagant' of a wedding I'm having, and how many cats I have (ummm sorry for rescuing strays and abused animals and giving them a safe, clean, loving home!) This makes me sick because I don't even know who exactly it is, I just know that it's *some* of them. So I said (loudly) to Eric in front of one of them 'Hey, Eric, would you believe that people are gossping about how big our wedding is and how many cats we have? Isn't that pathetic? They're such babies, they need to grow up.' The girl didn't say anything, she just looked down then walked away.
I don't know what to do. I am so hurt and upset, and it's spilling over into the wedding. I'm doing my Save the Dates soon, and once those go out, I KNOW lines are going to be drawn. I want to invite those that have attempted to make a friendship with me AND I want to invite those that have been neutral because I want to be the bigger person. I know maybe that seems crazy, but I am such a forgiving person, and I would rather be the bigger person. I don't know WHAt to do because I don't know who is 'neutral' and who is gossiping, and there's no way for me to find out. I want to be able to stand up for myself.
On top of that, 2 of Eric's friends stopped speaking to us. Eric did NOT ask them to be in the Bridal Party because 1) we're not having every single friend in it, 2) they aren't as close as they once were, and 3) to be quite honest, they really are not the greatest of friends. I'm not going to get into details, but they are just NOT good friends. They are NOT getting a Save the Date or an Invitation because we KNOW what they did. When Eric's Grandfather passed, they did not even have the tact to offer condolences. They never said anything to us or explained why they were upset; they just completely cut us out of their lives.
I have many, many friends who are wonderful. But I am so sick of these people who treat me like garbage. I want to be able to defend myself. I want to have my dream wedding. I want to be the bigger person. But I just don't know what to do, and I'm so misreable over it all.
