Brides Helping Brides ™ - Very important question about showers...........

prncssrachel Posted: Feb 18, 2004 08:38 AM

Very important question about showers...........

Ok, it's really not THAT important, but you looked, right?
ANYWAY......If 'someone' were to have a shower, and let's say there were 90 women on her wedding list, would the 'someone' throwing the shower have to invite ALL 90 women? Does this 'someone' invite the co-workers of the 'someone' who she is having the shower for? Or do the co-workers usually throw a shower of their own for that 'someone'? Because the 'someone' throwing the shower is also getting married relatively close to the 'someone' having the shower, but this 'someone' would really like to make the shower special and fun and beautiful. Did you all follow that? (and if that other 'someone' is reading this, hi! and love ya girlie! )

prncssrachel Posted: Feb 18, 2004 08:50 AM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

19 people looked and no one can offer some advice?

Jess2 Posted: Feb 18, 2004 08:50 AM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

Well, I think everyone has different opinions on this, but I know about my shower & I'm not inviting every woman who is invited to the wedding. I'm also not inviting co-workers. Does that help?

jenny2penny Posted: Feb 18, 2004 08:53 AM

.

BriBri529 Posted: Feb 18, 2004 08:55 AM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

Posted by jenny2penny

you lost me, I think. But if I can understand correctly, my opinion is you invite the women on the guest. If there are co-workers on the list, then yes invite them. What people at her job do for her is up to them. I thougt work showers were usually thrown by people who know she is getting maried, but may not necessarily be invited.

I agree

ChristineC68 Posted: Feb 18, 2004 08:57 AM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

I think all the women the bride knows should be invited to the shower. I don't see any reason to invite her FH's co-workers wife but all family members, friends, family friends should be invited.

prncssrachel Posted: Feb 18, 2004 08:59 AM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

In layman's terms......I'm throwing a shower for someone who has 90 women on her guest list for her shower, I want to know do I invite ALL 90 women? I would like her to have a gorgeous shower and there are really only two other people pitching in for it, one other girl who's getting married, me and my little cousin.
ETA: Thanks Christine!

SomedayBride Posted: Feb 18, 2004 09:08 AM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

No, I don't think it's necessary to invite all 90 women on her wedding list. I'm assuming some of them are women who are married to men that she works for/with, or women who she might be closer to their husband/boyfriend, but is inviting as a guest. These people don't need to be invited because they don't really know her too well. Would you want to go to a shower of a girl whose fh your FH works with?
Also, most showers are limited to just people who are close to the bride. Maybe you could eliminate some of the people who she is inviting for her parents. (assuming her parents are making her invite random work people) I think most showers are about 30 people or less. Not saying that you should limit it to 30 people, but I think 90 is a little nuts for a shower.

Donna Posted: Feb 18, 2004 09:45 AM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

I don't think it's necessary to invite all 90 since she may not be that close to all of them. I would invite the have to's (family) and women that she knows (which may or may not be co-workers). Just please to remember to only invite women on the wedding list - this just happened to a friend of mine, she was invited to the shower but not the wedding.

Niecey Posted: Feb 18, 2004 09:55 AM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

Everyone has a different opinion on this some people think every woman on the list should be invited. I hate that. I think only people who know the person getting married should be invited. I didn't invite DH's friends wives/ FI/girlfriends unless I was very close to them and would call them on my own without DH involved. My mom didn't invite her all her cousins and stuff that were invited to the wedding because I didn't know them well. I felt like if I invited all of them I was just asking for gifts. My MIL felt different and wanted every female on her DH's family and family friends list invited. I found it very awkward at my shower because there were people invited on my DH's side that I never met before. Some came but some didn't and I know if I was them I would be like why is this girl inviting me - does she just want gifts and I am sooo not about that at all!?!? Plus it was very awkward because DH had to introduce me to a whole table of people I had never met - I felt so bad...they were very nice but they weren't even family of DH - they were neighbors (meanwhile DH and I dated for 6 years and I never met them) - it was really awkward for me and I felt horrible about that.

May2004 Posted: Feb 18, 2004 10:10 AM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

My wedding is about 280 people. My shower was about 85 women.

Usually, not every women who's invited to the wedding gets invited to the shower.

But WHO gets invited to the shower, gets invited to the wedding!

I would say invite family, close friends and anyone that the Bride would like to be there. That's what I did, I gave a list to my mom and she and my MIL put their list together and made the guest list.

Hope it was helpful.

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Feb 18, 2004 11:47 AM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

We are inviting 181 people to the wedding BUT I found that only 40 people were invited to the shower - as far as my friends were concerned - I knew the FH but not his fiancee well (only met once or twice) so I didn't think it was appropriate to invite them. BM's agreed with this.

We did invite all spouses or sign others of the wedding party.

Many of our guests are from out of state - and although some are MUCH closer than other mom felt it was not appropriate to invite one without inviting the others. (So we couldn't invite one cousin sister without inviting others and because of circumstances the others would be uncomfortable if they were invited)

So we invited all local family and friends, and a handful from NJ or Conn. I do have a lot of family invited who will be attending the wedding - but I didn't feel comfortable inviting them to the shower when they live in CA and WA and I KNEW there was NO WAY that they could attend.

bellepoque Posted: Feb 18, 2004 12:12 PM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

This is what is posted at ultimatewedding.com under Bridal Shower Etiquette:

Who to invite?

'Anyone who is invited to the shower must also be invited to the wedding, aside from special circumstances such as a destination wedding. Go through the bride’s address book discussing friends and relatives whom she may want there. Don’t forget to include the groom’s family members. Several potential guests may live too far to travel for the shower, however they should be acknowledged with an invitation. They will appreciate the thought.'

And Martha had very little to say on the whole affair except:

'According to tradition, a shower should not be thrown by the bride’s immediate relatives, such as her mother, future mother-in-law, or sister, since it would appear that they were asking for gifts. The maid of honor or another good friend usually hosts, or several people, often bridesmaids, share the responsibility. It is common for a bride to have more than one shower; when this happens, the hosts should consult one another–or the bride, if the showers aren’t meant to be surprises–about guest lists to avoid duplication. Showers are generally held from a couple of months to a couple of weeks before the wedding.'

I don't think this really helps you, but the Martha Stewart blurb made me laugh.

marymoon Posted: Feb 18, 2004 01:46 PM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

Remebering going through this about a year ago thorwing my sister's shower (a faux pas, I know, but her BM's were useless), She invited almsot 300 people to the wedding. I invited 60 women to the shower. There were about 30 there. We invited all of the relatives, her closest friends from college and her closest friends from work. Not nearly everyone on the list. Just the people she's close to. We also invited selected members of the groom's family, his mom, his female cousins, his sister in law, etc. You CAN invite everyone, but you absolutely do NOT have to. You also don't have to invite people from work. A lot of times there is a work shower (a lot of the girls form work didn't come to the shower I had because they had one for her at work) so you cna leave out work people altogether, so basically I'd say relatives and closest friends. It loses its intimacy if it's too many people. it's much more fun when it's intimate and everyone can talk to each other and have fun.

Spot12905 Posted: Mar 03, 2004 01:30 PM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

People coming to my wedding there is going to be 200. I am only going to have about half of them come. So i they come to my shower then they can come to the wedding. If they dont come then i am not going to invite them at all.

lc214 Posted: Mar 03, 2004 06:52 PM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

I agree with the posts that say you don't have to invite every woman on the list. I think it is only for the closest of those. I also don't think it would be wrong for the bride to give a list to her mother - or bm's of the people she wants at her shower. I was actually thinking of printing up the labels for them!!!
Hope this helps.

butterfly20 Posted: Mar 03, 2004 07:04 PM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

not every women needs to be invited... like i dont think you would invite spouses of male coworkers, you might not invite the female coworkers if they are not super close,
there may be some people who are on the list who dont need to be invited, the mothers would probably know.....

engd4evr Posted: Mar 03, 2004 08:41 PM

Re: Very important question about showers...........

Thank god I just had to hand over the wedding guest list to my mom and MOH and tell them to deal with it.......but I would definitely say that the shower does not have to include ALL the women on the list. Acceptable exclusions would be
1. Spouses of FH friends or his or your coworkers (unless you know them well and consider them friends of your own, they may feel uncomfortable being invited and expected to give another gift)
2. People who live way out of town (would require a plane ride/hotel etc to come to the shower) and are not very close friends, members of the bridal party, or close family members. Again, it might look like you're looking for more gifts, especially from people you know won't be able to make the trip.

But you must invite them to the wedding if they are invited to the shower...just standard etiquette. Moms and sisters tend to be good resources for feeling out who should be invited....

It shouldn't matter if they wish to throw another shower on their own. Does this help?