Very upset!

Sorry ladies, but I have to vent.
Basically I got into this huge fight with my mom last night, and at the end I told her to go fly a kite. Basically my parents were giving me mixed signals that they wanted to pay for everything (traditionally speaking) and my mom was so insistant that we see the Garden City Hotel (which I told her that I knew it started at $200pp and she still wanted to go see it) and she told me she wanted to 'back into the budget'. Now that my FI and I have our hearts set on HH, suddenly she doesn't want to pay the $30,000 for that. I know it's a lot to ask and weddings aren't cheap, but it's like, 'come on, don't get my hopes up that we can look at these kind of places and then pull the rug right from underneath me!'
So needless to say I was crying all last night and before I went to bed, again this morning when I woke up, in the shower, when I was blowdrying my hair and putting on my makeup. I'm miserable and trying to think of other options but feel like crap that I have to start all over again!
So, my parents want me to put together how much the average of all the extra costs (Ceremony fee, photographer, videographer, band, transportation, florists and invitations.) I saw the article on theknot about average wedding costs, but that could be outdated. Plus, who'd better know than you gals! Many TIA and sorry to be such a downer!

hey,
sorry you are so upset...hopefully things will blow over. I dont know really where to start bc i dont know exactly what you guys have arranged for the wedding expenses. I know in my situation, my parents and my FHs parents are splitting alot of the expenses bc they are both inviting sooooo many people, plue me and my FH are responsible for the photographer and HM.

I would give it a day or so and then talk to your mom and see how she feels...bc when my dad first found out how much it was going to cost him i thought he was gonna kill me, it takes time for it to sink in. Maybe after takling to you she realized that she over-reacted.

if your parents still feel it is too much money, is there away you can cut back your guest list in order to get the cost down?

im sorry im not much help...but please cheer up..we dont want you crying all day

The avarage cost of a wedding demands on many things. I would say the average on the boards is btwn 25,000 and 50,000.

don't be upset!! I know that personally I had only wanted to spend 30,000 on my wedding...but I'm spending about 22,000 just on my hall alone! Ceremony fee's depend on whether you are having it in the hall or church, photography can range from 1500 up to 7,000 (for the places and packages I've looked at), the videographer I might get (i'm still debating about whether i want video or not) is about 1400, transportation depends on what kind of cars you're looking at, florists vary but the average (that i've read) is around 2,000-3,000, and invitations can vary as well. But from what i've read the average wedding costs for a wedding in NY run about 40,000 and up. good luck with everything!!!

You have to remember we live on one of the most expensive states in the world so I think unless you dont want the 'traditional' wedding with the church, the photographer, videographer blah blah blah you are looking on average from 35,000 and up! I hope everything works out for you!!

---

Posted by LorinElizabeth

Sorry ladies, but I have to vent.
Basically I got into this huge fight with my mom last night, and at the end I told her to go fly a kite. Basically my parents were giving me mixed signals that they wanted to pay for everything (traditionally speaking) and my mom was so insistant that we see the Garden City Hotel (which I told her that I knew it started at $200pp and she still wanted to go see it) and she told me she wanted to 'back into the budget'. Now that my FI and I have our hearts set on HH, suddenly she doesn't want to pay the $30,000 for that. I know it's a lot to ask and weddings aren't cheap, but it's like, 'come on, don't get my hopes up that we can look at these kind of places and then pull the rug right from underneath me!'
So needless to say I was crying all last night and before I went to bed, again this morning when I woke up, in the shower, when I was blowdrying my hair and putting on my makeup. I'm miserable and trying to think of other options but feel like crap that I have to start all over again!
So, my parents want me to put together how much the average of all the extra costs (Ceremony fee, photographer, videographer, band, transportation, florists and invitations.) I saw the article on theknot about average wedding costs, but that could be outdated. Plus, who'd better know than you gals! Many TIA and sorry to be such a downer!

---

I know it is traditonal for the brides parents to pay for the wedding. You need to sit down in a calm manner and talk to your parents and try to reach a resolution. However, bear in mind that things have changed alot these days. If I were you I would plan a wedding that would accommodate both you and your FH pockets. For me I did not ask my parents to contribute anything towards my wedding nor did I expect them to because the way I see it is our wedding and our repsonsibility. Both me and my DH plan a very nice wedding and take care of it by ourselves which I am so proud of. Our parents did give us a down payment for a house but even if they did not it would matter to us because we were not expecting anything from them except for them to show up at our wedding and be proud of us both.

Oh poor you! This is very stressful for all parties concerned. It really depends on your guest list. You could have a big wedding at a moderately priced place or a smaller wedding at a more expensive place, or small at a moderately priced place..etc..

The other things are relative too. If you have a big wedding how many tables need centerpieces? Do you want flowers or candles? Photographers run anywhere from $2000 up to $20K! Bands can be $5k-$25K too! You may want to set some reasonable budget numbers knowing these things.

Your dress could be as little as $500 or as much as $10K or more.

If you ask most people on this board I think you will find the majority is spending between $20k and 60K on their wedding.

Can you contribute to it? That may make a difference. Also, even though GCH is beautiful there are other venues that are just as nice that could be more reasonable. Go take a look around and get an idea.

Good luck

We are paying for our wedding ourselves. We never have any money but I figure then people can not tell us what to do or where to go. Try to pay for it yourself. Then you can make all of the decisions.

Thank you all so much for your
My fi and I can pay for parts and plan on it. I never expected my parents to pay for anything. I've never asked for anything in life because I knew I would never get it. My parents came from nothing and they never wanted me to be spoiled so there was never anything over the top. Not that I didn't get anything, I'm not a selfish little brat and I know they spent a fortune to put me through college, and the rest of the expenses that come with just having a child. My fi and I are young and are still living at home and we're looking for an apartment to move into by May. We have both only been working 2 and one years so we've been saving by living at home, but not enough to pay 100% for a wedding and then pay for a down payment. It's been the little things my mom's said since my fi and I have become engaged that make me so frustrated that we just had this huge blow out last night (ie-'let's back into a budget', and 'I think we should pay for everything' and 'I'm expecting bonuses from work').
So what am I supposed to think?! It's just frustrating and I understand where they're coming from and they'd rather us have the money for our future, but don't give me the false hope and insist we see a place like the Garden City Hotel but then when something is $25 cheaper a head that I love, you go crazy and pick a fight with me!
So I'll have another conversation with her and my father to talk things over, but I guess that's just going to have to wait until I can hopefully and calmly speak with her.
Thanks again for all your help and support!

I hope everything works out. Just keep reminding your mom that this is supposed to be the happiest time in your lives!

You poor thing-my parents have been 'RI-FRICKIN-DICULOUS' about money and what they are willing to chip in. The amount they are changes everytime a payment comes up. Why dont you try and figure out a list, of what is most important to you to least important and start there. It helped us, we are having a 27K wedding for 150 people...and we arent really cutting back on anything, we just decided on what we REALLY wanted and what we could go without.

Hope you feel better soon!!!
for you!

---

Posted by kismet8601

You poor thing-my parents have been 'RI-FRICKIN-DICULOUS' about money and what they are willing to chip in. The amount they are changes everytime a payment comes up. Why dont you try and figure out a list, of what is most important to you to least important and start there. It helped us, we are having a 27K wedding for 150 people...and we arent really cutting back on anything, we just decided on what we REALLY wanted and what we could go without.

Hope you feel better soon!!!
for you!

---

Thank you! We have the means of getting discounted prices for things (DJ, Limo, Hair and Dress) so really my big thing is that I feel we can spend a little more on the reception hall because the other extra costs will be less expensive. I'm just being extra sensitive and crazy.
Thanks again for all your help and support, ladies!

o boy do i FEEL your pain.

My mom put me through the same garbage.
Wanted me to go see all these expensive places like Russos on the Bay and El Caribe, but with the intention of my and my FI having to fit the bill.

My FI and I just went crazy at the prices we were getting.

For soup to nuts at Russo's it's 230 per person..thats nutzzz.. i don have that kind of money for 200++ ppl.

so my parents and his parents are splitting the catering bill at lennards.. not like its any better $$200 per person.

and my FI and i have tto pay for everything else.. and boy do those #'s add up quickly..
last weekend alone we spent $12,000.00 on photogrophers, video people, centerpieces, and frames for place cards. Money we don't have yet.. we just put down payments