Very Upset and Confused (long)
I am writing this because I need to get it off my chest. Although I would like your advice and insight, I'm afraid of the responses. I'm obviously hiding my identity because I'm embarrassed.
I feel like my marriage is a sham...as of last night. I thought that we had the best relationship and were on the same page, but that all came crashing down on me last night at home. Here's the story.
I think I may be PG. I am really excited and wanted to let my husband know that I should know soon. I told him and his whole demeanor changed to withdrawn. I asked him what was wrong and he said 'well, you just told me I could be a father...what did you expect my response to be?' I said 'we talked about my going off the pill...we've had unprotected sex....what do you think could happen? I'm in shock at your reaction...I need support right now..this is all new to me too.' His response is 'well, I never wanted to have kids...so I'm in shock' I was like 'WHAT? Since when?' He was like 'did you ever hear me say I wanted kids? When....tell me when I said that.' I said 'when my father was dying I said to you as soon as we get married I'd like to start a family.... and you said OK..whenever you want to we can.' He says 'exactly...I said when YOU want to..I never said I wanted too.'
So at this point I am hysterically crying...he's like 'don't you remember saying that I never wanted kids?' I said 'you told me 7 years ago when we first met that you didn't want to get married or have kids....that was 7 YEARS AGO!! You asked me to marry you remember? You said that we could have kids, remember? What are we supposed to do now? You don't want kids, I do...' He says 'I told you we'd have kids because YOU wanted them. I knew that us getting married would = you wanting kids. I'm willing to deal with that - it's my issue not yours. There are 2 people in this relationship' I retorted 'what? your problem not mine? Are you mental?? It's a child not a pet! I don't want to be PG alone! Be excited by myself - raise this child alone.' He says 'since when have you ever had to do anything by yourself? You need to get a grip...either you can deal with me not wanting kids but having them because YOU do OR apparently your acting like you want to go your own separate way. It's your decision. You know where I stand.'
Anyway I cried myself to sleep last night....woke up this morning and my husband comes into the room and says 'feeling better and not so alone now?' he hugs me and says 'we'll get through it if you are.' Let's just say that did not make me feel any better. Get through what? This is not a bad thing...it's a GREAT thing. I'm confused now, hurt and not sure what to do if I am PG or not.
I feel like my marriage is a sham...as of last night. I thought that we had the best relationship and were on the same page, but that all came crashing down on me last night at home. Here's the story.
I think I may be PG. I am really excited and wanted to let my husband know that I should know soon. I told him and his whole demeanor changed to withdrawn. I asked him what was wrong and he said 'well, you just told me I could be a father...what did you expect my response to be?' I said 'we talked about my going off the pill...we've had unprotected sex....what do you think could happen? I'm in shock at your reaction...I need support right now..this is all new to me too.' His response is 'well, I never wanted to have kids...so I'm in shock' I was like 'WHAT? Since when?' He was like 'did you ever hear me say I wanted kids? When....tell me when I said that.' I said 'when my father was dying I said to you as soon as we get married I'd like to start a family.... and you said OK..whenever you want to we can.' He says 'exactly...I said when YOU want to..I never said I wanted too.'
So at this point I am hysterically crying...he's like 'don't you remember saying that I never wanted kids?' I said 'you told me 7 years ago when we first met that you didn't want to get married or have kids....that was 7 YEARS AGO!! You asked me to marry you remember? You said that we could have kids, remember? What are we supposed to do now? You don't want kids, I do...' He says 'I told you we'd have kids because YOU wanted them. I knew that us getting married would = you wanting kids. I'm willing to deal with that - it's my issue not yours. There are 2 people in this relationship' I retorted 'what? your problem not mine? Are you mental?? It's a child not a pet! I don't want to be PG alone! Be excited by myself - raise this child alone.' He says 'since when have you ever had to do anything by yourself? You need to get a grip...either you can deal with me not wanting kids but having them because YOU do OR apparently your acting like you want to go your own separate way. It's your decision. You know where I stand.'
Anyway I cried myself to sleep last night....woke up this morning and my husband comes into the room and says 'feeling better and not so alone now?' he hugs me and says 'we'll get through it if you are.' Let's just say that did not make me feel any better. Get through what? This is not a bad thing...it's a GREAT thing. I'm confused now, hurt and not sure what to do if I am PG or not.
