Want a marriage, not a wedding (yet)

As you know I've gone backa nd forth so many times. I started out looking for a smaller, less expensive hall, but the list was huge when we put it all together, then we fell in love with NRC and booked it in November. A few months later my dad left and everything is upside down, so I considered changint to a Sunday, borrowing the $$ for the wedding, postponing the wedding a year, a disney wedding, basically everything but the elvis chapel...

I think what it comes down to is that I really want to marry FH, but I'm just not feeling up to planning a wedding. I'd like to have one eventually with the cake and the dress and the band and the debt too, but I just think it's too soon. I'm not in the mood to plan one, and I'm graduating soon and I'll be going on to a career and/or grad school and it just seems like too much. Everything has to get switched around over a wedding. Disney seemed kind of ideal because they have all house vendors, there's so much less choosing to do, and it's in our favorite place in the world and it's a good excuse to leave people off the guest list, but I don't know. I think to affod that we'd still need to wait until 2007. If we want to have the big wedding up here, then it's the end fo 2007 defintiely if not more, and it's not just financial. I just feel far too drained to run around to 50 different photogrpahers and florists and whatever. I feel like If I wantt o have the wedidng in 2007 I have to start really planning soon and I'm just not ready for some reason. I wish there was a solution. If I go to grad school next year, if I get into the prgram I love () then I'll be moving to Westchester and FH said he would come with me, but I really want to get married. My mom won't go for us living together, and honestly I wanted to be amrried before taking that step too. Do you think it would make sense to just have a religious ceremony, maybe go out to dinner with immediate family, and then have a vow renewal and reception in a few years when everything is more settled? Do you think everyone will understand or will they think it's greedy? I really really want to have a traditional wedding, and I think I deserve it, but I just don't feel like planning one now and at the same time I don't want to postpone starting a marriage because I don't feel like having a wedding. I'm just so stressed about this now. It's supposed to be a happy time and it isn't, and I want to have that happy experience, I just don't think it's possible at the present time.

I definitely understand how you feel about planning a wedding. It IS time consuming!

I think a ceremony and a lovely dinner would be a very practical solution, especially if you don't want to live together before marriage. (I don't think it is greedy to do a vow renewal in a few years.) You can definitely have the marriage you want, without the wedding you don't.

Let us know what you decide.

I think that's a great idea. You could put it together in a matter of weeks and be done with that part.

Next year when you are feeling more into it, throw your big bash and have a vow renewal.

I think you know the right answer, you're just looking for some support. Lots of couples have small ceremonies and then throw the big reception later on. There's nothing wrong with it! Def do what you feel most comfortable with!!

I was in the same situation, until FH and I decided that it would actually be easier to have our wedding the traditional way. We were planning on getting married on the Cayman Islands, which are very expensive, and then with all the hurricane uncertainty, family having a coniption fit that we weouldnt get married in church and FH's family not being able to make it was just all together too much to handle and so that is why we decided to just have it here.

If you feel not up to it to plan a wedding and really want to go to Disney, then do it! I know you have some issues with FH's family, and I thin kthis would be the best option for you. If it makes you happy girl, do it!

Best of luck!

I know exactly how you feel! I have been thinking about doing the same thing. I have been looking at restaurants that cater to weddings because it's less of a hassle and way more affordable. I'm only inviting the bare minimum, just immediate family and friends. There are a couple in NY, if you want to know the information just FM me.
I don't think it's selfish to want a marriage and not a wedding. People that love you will be happy for you no matter what. Good luck!