Want to ask someone to be a BM who is sick...(a bit long)

halloweenbride04 Posted: Oct 10, 2003 10:09 AM

Want to ask someone to be a BM who is sick...(a bit long)

I have selected 4 of my closest friends (and one of FH's sisters) to be my BM's. I have asked all but one so far....the one I haven't asked yet has been fighting breast cancer for the last year. She has finally finished very agressive chemo and radiation treatments and thankfully has put up a very good fight! Her latest test results came back better than the last and while Dr's are still monitoring her closely, it appears she is on the road to recovery. I knew right away that I wanted to ask her because of our relationship and how much I value her friendship, and I thought that during such a rough time, it would give her something happy to be a part of and something to look forward to. WELL, I got an e-mail from her a couple of days ago telling me how she is enjoying the weather this fall more than ever because it may be her last . I e-mailed her back telling her I didn't want to hear her talk that way and that I am getting married next fall and she WILL be there! But then reality, something no one ever wants to admit.....maybe she won't be.

And so, do you think I am putting her in an awkward position by asking her? Do you think it will make her stress even more about being here next year? or will it motivate her to keep fighting? I certainly don't want her to think this is a pity ask, because it certainly is NOT, I want my friend to be at my side on my wedding day!

Your thoughts are appreciated....thanks for listening! And keep my friend in your prayers!!

embee Posted: Oct 10, 2003 10:14 AM

Re: Want to ask someone to be a BM who is sick...(a bit long)

this is a hard one, but it is really stressful to be in a bridal party, so maybe you should find another way to include her and make her a special part of the day. i think that would be easier on her...but talk to her, sometime that is best thing to do.

NYCMeghan Posted: Oct 10, 2003 10:18 AM

Re: Want to ask someone to be a BM who is sick...(a bit long)

I think you should print out your post and bring it to her. Discuss it with her. Being in a bridal party doesn't have to be stressful - as long as the bride is organized and doesn't expect a lot of the BP. Their job is to be there for you, wear a pretty dress, and celebrate in your special day. Anything beyond that is extra. Your friend is the only one who can accurately judge whether this is a good or bad thing for her.

xjulietx Posted: Oct 10, 2003 10:20 AM

Re: Want to ask someone to be a BM who is sick...(a bit long)

I would ask her and give her the option. Tell her how much her friendship means to you and how you want her there. Give her the option to do a reading if she doesn't feel up to a being a BM. If she declines, ask your other BM's to involve her in some things. if you have a bridesmaids brunch, invite her. Good luck! I will pray for you that she can be with you next year

btrflygrl Posted: Oct 10, 2003 12:14 PM

Re: Want to ask someone to be a BM who is sick...(a bit long)

Do you know WHY she said that comment about this being last fall to enjoy??? If she FEELS like she won't make it, that's different than the DR's telling her there is nothing they can do. If she merely FEELS that way.....try to cheer her up and ask her....heck...ask her anyway! If it's too much for her to handle...can you include her in another way?

I truly hope she makes it....she's gotta have a positive attitude...The dr's told my dad back in 1981 that he had 8 weeks to live, and he's still here!! Good Luck with everything!!