I am a wedding newbie...well I have been planning my wedding for a year, but I just started posting on this site...so hi, my name is Shannon. So, my Dad calls me yesterday (at work) to yell at me (again) and tell me how much I have hurt him by asking my step father to accompany my dad and I down the aisle, and how much it kills him that I would even consider putting his (stepdads) name on the invitations along with my mother. He tells me that because he left me when I was two, now I walk around like he owes me something and that maybe after the wedding and after he and my step dad walk me down the aisle, he can stop doing all the things he does for me out of guilt. So, FH and I are trying to decide if we should just take a hand full of people and go to VT where you can get married in a day, or should I suck it up and wait until October and still walk down the aisle with my Dad and dance with him. I am so confused right now. We have been planning this wedding for more than a year and all the places are booked (with Dads money) so I dont want to just give all that up, but on the other hand I am so angry right now that I cant even imagine walking down the aisle next to him and not punching him. A little friendly advice would be great.
janelovesharry
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Re: Want to elope - a little long sorry!
Posted by DAVALJO2
As far as the invites i decided not to include any parent's names. Maybe your stepdad could perform another important role in the ceremony. Maybe your mom , or an older brother can walk you down, and have your dads escort their wives down the aisle. Good luck.
I agree, no one says that your parents names have to be on the invites, even if your dad is paying! I love the idea of having your Mom walk you down the aisle...after all, she has been there your entire life...I think that is a great idea...it doesn't sound like your stepdad would be upset and as far as your dad goes, what could he say to that. Good luck with what ever you decided
N.Y.bride
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Re: Want to elope - a little long sorry!
I agree, if you didnt order invites yet I wouldnt put any parents names.
FH & I have the same situation so we wrote, 'The parents of...' and heard no complaints..
M&S Sept12006
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Re: Want to elope - a little long sorry!
Thats all I have to offer because I feel like I want to elope myself!
cloddy
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Re: Want to elope - a little long sorry!
No one can tell you what to do, you have to do what is right for you, but I'll share my experience in the event that it might help to hear someone else's experience. I had a very similar thing happen, but I have a slightly different relationship with my father and stepfather than you do. My father has always been in my life, weekends, holidays, etc. When we were married my father and his wife were going to pay for 1/3 of the wedding costs, my mother and her husband 1/3 and we were covering the remaining 1/3. I felt that everyone should be on the invitation because they were all hosting. My father freaked that he would not have his name on the same piece of paper as that man (meaning SF). I tried to reason with him by telling him it would not have been right to leave out his wife so. He didn't agree he would've preferred the invite say together with parents, but Mom would've died if she was left out like that with a generic 'and parents'. So I told him that I thought this showed that he couldn't handle the whole thing. Becuase i knew we still had to decide who sat in front row of church, who got table ! at reception,etc. This all happened approximately 1 month before wedding. So I told him I wouldn't go through with it if he couldn't handle the paper thing he'd never been cordial in the same resort for an entire weekend, etc. We eloped and invited immediate family. My father didn't show. It destroyed my relationship with my father. We didn't speak for about 5years. I didn't get my wedding, which still hurts. Basically, no one was happy. We finally patched things up this past year and DH and I decided this year for our 7th anniversary to renew our vows and have the wedding we never had. I regret cancelling the wedding and never felt like I had closure til this year, but I also felt like I had no choice at the time. I can't tell you what to do, but think about how important the wedding is to you and your relationship with your father, then decide. It won't be easy, but you will still have a wonderful life with the love of your life and things do sort themselves out over time. My father walked me down the aisle and we danced together finally. Everyone was so excited for us. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you. No one deserves to have anyone make them feel guilty about who they want to honor in their ceremony. It's wrong, but unfortunately your Dad is more concerned about his own feelings than yours as was mine. I hope you can persuade him to put this aside and have a beautiful day without having to give up your plans.
lullabella
Posted:
Member since
Re: Want to elope - a little long sorry!
Sorry, this is such a tough position to be in. Honestly it sounds like since you allowed your dad to pay for most of the wedding you are kind of stuck. Why not have your mom walk you down the aisle instead and half both of your fathers greet you with a kiss at the altar?
I don't see how getting married in VT would help the situation? Your dads would still be there and you would still need someone to walk you down the aisle?
