Warning...it's a vent.

So you know the drill...if you don't want to hear it, kindly turn away.

My mother and FMIL have been frantically trying to hunt down the 23 people who have not responded to my shower.

The first blow was that one person who was invited responded and said her and her daughter (child) would be attending, without skipping a beat that the child was not invited. That's so the least of my problems right now.

As I had feared, FH's cousin has responded no, as she will apparently still be on her HM. I was under impression was 2 weeks and immediately after wedding, but I guess that is not the case since my shower is a full 3 weeks and change after it. Obviously, I cannot fault her for being on her HM, I don't own the month.

But I feel like a fool. I'm embarrassed, I feel inadequate, second fiddle, chopped liver, oh that other bride this year. We have had a lot of nos, and that's always a blow to one's ego when someone declines a party meant to celebrate you. But in this case it's like no reciprocity. We were expected to attend and do give certain things for their eparty, shower, and consequently wedding, and have...but now we've gotten thumbs for 2/3 of ours. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I can't help but wonder what the excuse will be in December?

I am just mortified and so hurt right now. Deep down I expected it, but it still s/ucks. It's not about presents or gifts...I'm not expecting anyone to really care about me, why should they, I'm nothing to them, but I'm FH's fiancee, and he's family, so it's also a slap to him.

I know some will probably say I'm overreacting, or it's just my competitive streak talking...but when you feel like you're just riding the tail end, that your shower you can't pay people to show up at, that your wedding is a little less swanky and a little less expensive and all the OOT guests are going to have to decline to go to yours because they can't possibly make the trip again in 5 months...and then keep getting slight after slight when it's your turn to celebrate...it eats at you, and I'm really, truly very saddened by this

Im so sorry Ali!!

You have every right to feel that way... I would feel the same way too

The people who love you will be at your wedding and it will be special

Oh, Ali, I am so sorry you are going through this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are such a beautiful person who deserves to be 100% happy all the time and shouldn't have to feel like 2nd fiddle to ANYONE, especially not b*tchy cousins and extended family who aren't half the person you are!!!!!!!!!!

Try to think of it this way... the smaller the group, the more intimate and enjoyable a time you will have!!!!! Don't sweat the gifts so much (if possible) because you'll still get cash at the wedding and you can use that to purchase whatever may be left that you need.

You'll still be able to play your games, enjoy the company, and have a WONDERFUL time at your shower! If the cousin can't be there GOOD because you don't need her and her little tanned hiney taking any attention away from YOU because you're the star, the princess & the one who MATTERS!! Never let anyone steal your thunder or your joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, I'm so sorry you feel this way .
People are just miserable. Half of the people who were invited on FH's side are not coming to my shower this Sunday, a few of his side didn't even have the courtesy to RSVP, and two of my relatives that responded yes, called and took back their RSVP. Both of them with the same excuse, grandsons graduations. Now really, you didn't know they were graduating when you said Yes to my shower! Whatever... .
And you are a great person, don’t feel like you are second fiddle! You will still have a wonderful time!

I should clarify that I like FH's cousin. We don't know each other very well, and this is really like just a victim of circumstance, and I don't have anything personal against her. It's just that in a 'tight' family, it would be more beneficial to have weddings spread farther away than these two happen to be, there's just too many events and too much strain put on the families to be able to attend both...and it's just yet another reason why I feel like me and FH made a mistake setting a 2009 date and that we really should have waited until 2010. Not that one person would dictate a decision like that...there's obviously financial reasons, living arrangement situations, etc. etc., and it just would have probably made things easier on all parties if we had just bought ourselves a little more time.

Oh well...I guess I'll make the best of it, and hope that everyone who said they will attend will. I just feel bad for my mom, we didn't meet the minimum, and we have to forfeit the room

I'm so sorry you are going thru this i totally know how you feel. My aunt and my cousin from my dad's side are not coming to my shower even though they were given two months notice, their excuse is they have something else to do. FH's 2 aunts and cousins are all not coming because they are fighting with his mom. I got all this news today it's so sad because FH's family didn't even come to our E-party because they had never heard of such a thing . Don't worry your shower is going to amazing with those that truly care, screw everyone else.

If it makes you feel any better i was told this weekend by FH's godmother that she might not be coming to my shower because she has a bruce springsteen concert that day and I also believe FH's mom is attending also that means that his grandma, other aunt, and cousins from upstate probably won't be attending either

Sorry you are going through this...

Oh, sweetheart, Ali, I love ya, hon!!!!!! And I mean it!!!! Mary MOB

aww ali!! i'm so sorry you feel that way, but i don't blame you. you're not wrong to feel that way! i send you

all the people that love you will be there to celebrate this special time in YOUR life and i would focus on that. don't focus on people that are thoughtless or rude... though it's easy to do... because there are people that love you and support you and want to see YOU shine on your day!!