My friend told me that she was thinking of bringing this guy to my wedding (he is a friend of one of my bridesmaids). Well I don't really like him and so I asked her that if she could avoid bringing him that I would appreciate it.
Well now e-mails are flying back and forth over my comment and how rude she thinks it was of me to say that to her and that I invited her with a guest and I have no right to tell her who she can and can't bring to my wedding.
When I sent her an invitation inviting her with a guest she was dating someone for about 6 months. They have since broke-up and now that gives her the right to come to my wedding with someone that I don't like.
I am so stressed as it is with only 20 days and now I have to deal with this. Why do friends make you life more difficult.
Do you think that I was wrong?
JimmysBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
First off, relax, because this is NOT worth stressing over 20 days before your wedding. Second, IMO, YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT to say who CAN and CAN'T come to YOUR wedding whenever the heck you feel like it!!! Who does SHE think she is? Geez... especially if you are paying for it.
I don't think you were wrong at all and you know what, even if you were, you have more important thing to focus on 20 days before your wedding. You expressed your feelings, now let it roll off your back, let her do whatever she's gonna do, and continue planning your beautiful wedding!
AnnBrunoXO
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
The most important thing to keep in mind is that when you send out an invitation to someone and include ' & GUEST', your leaving the option of your guest to bring whomever they want to the wedding - most of the people that brought a guest - I didn't even know their name - which was fine with me. You really don't have a say in it - if your friend truly understands that you dislike this person for any type of reason - he/she may reconsider bringing that person to that affair - but you have to leave that option solely to the person you invited...
Remember its your day - and don't let anyone or anything ruin it - Just switch the tables around and see how you would feel if she said this to you.
Kriss2c
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
I agree with Jimmysbride.
You were not wrong in the least and she's got a lot of nerve to try to make you think otherwise.
chichila15
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
I also agree with Jimmysbride & Kriss2c.
It's your wedding, and you have every right to invite & uninvite whom you please. However, maybe she was saying that you were rude in how you approached the situation. If you sent out a global email, letting everyone know that her guest isn't welcome, then it is kind of rude. However, if you calmly approached her and asked her not to bring this person because you don't like them, and her guest option was her for her boyfriend, then she's an idiot for beginning the back & forth.
If this date is going to ruin the day for you, then try to talk to her about it. If not, then don't stress it, and enjoy that special day.
cheshe
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
Chichila15 - I did approach her in a nice way and only to her did I stress my concern of dislike towards this individual. I simply asked her if she could avoid bringing him and please see if there is someone else and leave him as a last resort that I would very appreciate it
I just felt that I had the right to stress my opinion of dislike. I guess a true friend would understand that.
nferrandi
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
If you handled it as you say, that you did nothing wrong at all. You DO have every right to share your feelings with her, but unfortunately, what she does with that is up to her. Good luck!
suven
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
I don't think you were wrong. I am down to 12 days now, so I find myself saying,
'Any other day, you can do anything you want. But, John and I have reserved May 30th as our day, and this is the way we would like things to be...'
chichila15
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
That's sooo wrong of your friend. You were being polite to her, and asked her to bring someone else, and she still turned her back on you, and spread BS via email? I would contemplate allowing HER to be part of your day.
(I agree with suven)... its' YOUR day, and if she were a better friend, she would do as you wish.
palebride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
maybe i'm wrong, but i feel that when you invite someone with a guest, they get to choose who they bring. it's unfortunate that your friend is choosing to bring someone you dislike, but sometimes you have to be the better person and look at the bigger picture. is taht one person really going to have taht large an impact on your day? how often will you even see them - i didn't see the majority of the people at my wedding because i was so busy having a great time. i guess the day is what you make of it. and if you choose to let this person ruin your day, they will! by the way, i had to invite my ex-boss and his wife (who i really don't like very much) to the wedding, so i know how it feels to have someone there that you didn't want!
mattituckprincess
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
i don't think a bride has any say in who the 'and guest' will be. it's a risk we all take when we offer that to our family/friends. that said, if she was a real friend she wouldn't bring the person she mentioned after she saw how upset you were.
JLP
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
Sorry, I'm with the ladies who said you have no right to dictate who your guests bring. If the person isn't on a 'wanted' poster, you should leave it alone.
JMO, but I would have been pretty mad when I was single if a friend said this to me. Ask yourself this, 'One my one year anniversary, will this have mattered?' I'll bet the answer is no.
Regardless of how this turns out, have a great day and don't let anyone spoil it. Congratulations!!!
cheshe
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
I think that I was more upset with her because of how nasty she was. I don't think that I was mean to her in anyway for her to come back at me with the nasty e-mail that she did.
She thinks that it is a power issue and that I am telling her flat out who to bring to my wedding, which is not the case at all.
I simply gave my opinion on who she was thinking about bringing. I have had to listen to many people give me there opinion about my wedding and if I don't like what they say it is in one ear and out the other. I don't yell at them or send them nasty e-mails telling them that I don't like there opinion.
You girls are right and if she was a better friend she would understand my concern and not be so nasty to me about it. But, this will not ruin my day. I still have control over where they will sit and it will be far out of my site.
chichila15
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
hahahahahaha, Thatta girl! Sit her in the kitchen!
tourist
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
Posted by nferrandi
If you handled it as you say, that you did nothing wrong at all. You DO have every right to share your feelings with her, but unfortunately, what she does with that is up to her. Good luck!
I agree. I haven't sent my invitations out, but one of friends asked if she gets to bring a date, and I said yes, but yor're not bringing X, are you? She laughed, b/c she knows this person can be difficult at first she said no b/c they aren't on good terms now, but I told her, that could change as it has in the past & she thoguht about it, and then I told her that I would want her to have a good time & these 2 tend to get in fights at events, & I don't want her to have to take her date home, and she agreed. In the end , if she brough this person, it would cause more trouble for her than me, so I'm not gonna stress about it.
eogara
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
Posted by palebride
maybe i'm wrong, but i feel that when you invite someone with a guest, they get to choose who they bring.
I agree.
jessnyc711
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
It's just really crazy what people do when there's a wedding, between strangers saying that they expect an invite, to guests being insulted if there wasn't a favor, to guest saying you have no right to say you prefer they not bring so and so......it's just insane. I'm sorry, you are (or family) paying for this day and you do have a 'right' to say whatever, but yes you sometimes can't dictate everything or sometimes it's just best to let it go - to save yourself the drama, this friend is being very selfish-that is the worst part. Now you know what type of person this is, take it as a learning experience, but if there is a big reason why you don't want this person to come ie: no manners, might cause a scene, get totally blasted or is disliked by other people or did something to you that was unforgiveable, I would Tell your 'friend, sorry, absolutely NO! Don't be bulldozed to do something that your are strongly against.
Bebalina
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
Posted by eogara
Posted by palebride
maybe i'm wrong, but i feel that when you invite someone with a guest, they get to choose who they bring.
I agree.
I agree...if you wanted them to bring a certain someone then it should've said Mrs Jane Doe & John Wayne...if that was who she should've brought...
DjPiLL
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
Posted by Bebalina
Posted by eogara
Posted by palebride
maybe i'm wrong, but i feel that when you invite someone with a guest, they get to choose who they bring.
I agree.
I agree...if you wanted them to bring a certain someone then it should've said Mrs Jane Doe & John Wayne...if that was who she should've brought...
^^^^^^^^ What she said.
Snowboardgirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: Was this wrong of me
I agree! She should be able to bring who she wants. Did this person do anything to you personnally?
