WE BIT THE BULLET...................

prncssrachel Posted: Jun 21, 2004 06:42 PM

WE BIT THE BULLET...................

Yes, we did it. We changed our ceremony to a church. It just makes everyone's lives easier. I feel VERY hypocritical, though. We were both raised Catholic, but neither of us even remotely follow the religion. Is it wrong of us to get married in a church?

RedHead Posted: Jun 21, 2004 06:43 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

why do you want to get married in a church then?

oakslady Posted: Jun 21, 2004 06:44 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

we didnt go with the church for the same reason - i think if you arent doing it for yourself and because you want it then yeah it is kinda not right - sorry my honest opinion

butterfly20 Posted: Jun 21, 2004 06:48 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

if you two dont want to do it then there is no need to... its alot easier having it all in one place, and saves time for taking pictures and all

takeoutcook Posted: Jun 21, 2004 07:27 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

As a lapsed Catholic getting married in a Catholic Church - I also felt troubled - and so I asked a colleague of mine who is a Catholic priest about it.

He asked if I felt hypocritical because I didn't believe in the general tenets of Christianity (love thy neighbor, etc) or in specific aspects of Catholic dogma (abortion, no women as priests, etc). I said that I didn't agree with what I considered to be political positions of the Catholic church.

He said that I shouldnt feel conflicted about having a church wedding - and he suggested having the ceremony rather than the mass. . .

he also said that it's only through open, honest dialogue about the frustrations that some people have with the church that will make people like me (liberal, pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, etc) feel welcomed back to the church.

so anyway, I would do what makes you feel comfortable and enjoy your day!

(I don't mean to offend anyone on these boards who has different views )

ckgmwedding Posted: Jun 21, 2004 07:36 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

We did the same thing. It made our mom's happy and the church I grew up going to is really beautiful. I don't feel guilty, its about tradition.

prncssrachel Posted: Jun 21, 2004 08:41 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

Well, I just had a long talk with my mother about it, and I guess I was feeling conflicted because I am very liberal. I am pro-choice, pro-gay marriages, the whole shebang, so I do not feel welcomed in the Catholic church, yet I was feeling like I was missing something from wedding plans when we were planning a ceremony at the reception site. I realized it was the TRADITION of a church wedding that I was wanting, so we are going to stick with our decision to get married in the church. I feel comfortable with our decision, especially because I do not know the role that religion will play in my life in the future and I will definitely raise my children Catholic. All in all, I feel much better after speaking to my mother, and I agree, we will only have a ceremony, not a mass. This way we won't feel like we are partaking in something that does not represent us.

takeoutcook Posted: Jun 22, 2004 12:45 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

glad to hear you feel better about it. It's funny, my friend who is a Priest is the most liberal person I know - and (who knows if this is true) he told me that many many of his friends in religious life are also very liberal minded - he is 34 years old and said that the church will undergo a sea change in about 20-30 years because his generation of priests and nuns are very different than their predecessors.

I have no idea if he's right - but i hope so!

I'm sure your ceremony will be lovely.

palebride Posted: Jun 22, 2004 12:48 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

sometimes i look back and wonder if we should have done the same thing....i dont' always agree with the church, but i was raised catholic, so it is a part of my life........
good for you two!

nov04LIbride Posted: Jun 22, 2004 01:03 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

My FI is Catholic, I am Episcopalian. I refused to get married in the Catholic church, for a variety of reasons, but mainly because everyone I know who is Catholic is hypocritical when it comes to Catholicism (FI and FI's parents included). If we did a church, which we are not, we were going to do a Unitarian church that is more accepting. It's nice to walk down an aisle between church pews, but if you don't feel comfortable with what the church represents and preaches (which it sounds like you aren't), then maybe look for a more liberal church and religion.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Jun 22, 2004 01:20 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

I'd just like to add...

There is a difference between 'The Church' and 'Catholocism'...I think people often forget that...

MizStinker Posted: Jun 22, 2004 01:35 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

Hi - Just wanted to give you a new way to look at it.

We are also having a church ceremony (Mass). I battled with my emotions towards my religion for some time. FH and I were both brought up RC and went to Catholic schools.

Then I realized that I am not going to let the leaders of the church take my faith away from me....... I should be proud to follow what my heart tells me to be true not what others tell me.

I am a PROUD cafeteria catholic!

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Jun 22, 2004 01:39 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

Posted by MizStinker

Then I realized that I am not going to let the leaders of the church take my faith away from me....... I should be proud to follow what my heart tells me to be true not what others tell me.

What exactly does this mean?

Kriss2c Posted: Jun 22, 2004 01:46 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

I was raised Lutheran, my FH was raised Catholic....neither of us practice anymore. I just happened to mention (in passing) to my grandmother that I was just wondering if I could get a friend of mine 'Ordained' via the internet to marry us. She mentioned it to my church pastor and now as a favor to my grandmother, this pastor is marrying us. I was going to protest this to no end, until I realized that it would make both our families happier. My saving grace, if you will pardon the pun, is that there is another wedding booked at the church that day, so we can get married at our hall.

So my point is... yeah, I have one!!! You and your FH know inside what marriage entails, the commitment you make.... all you need is a carbon-based life form authorized to sign the certificate.

MizStinker Posted: Jun 22, 2004 01:57 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

It means that I don't have to follow other people's rules to be at peace with my religion.

patti08 Posted: Jun 22, 2004 02:06 PM

Re: WE BIT THE BULLET...................

We're in a similar situation, I was raised Catholic and do not agree with many policies of the Catholic Church. He was raised Lutheran. Neither of us attend Church or have for years. But we (not sure what religion) want to raise any future children with religion in their lives and we thought 'then how do we explain to them that we didn't get married in a church'

We found the perfect solution for us in a Community Church. It is a Christian Community Church. There are also Unitarian Sanctuarys you can consider - the one on Shelter Rock Road in Manhasset or Roslyn is stunning.