Website re: working outside vs. staying home

It has several good links about this topic and a budget page to see if it's financially worth it to go back to work:

http://www.parenting.com/parenting/family_finance/budget/stay_home.html

I posted about this very topic on ivillage.com and most of the women there told me to 'save' enough money to stay home, or that I was being selfish by chosing to live the 'lifestyle' that required me to work. It was really awful actually when I read the responses. Living in NY is very different from most places in the country. THe prices of homes and other things are much higher here than in the mid-west. If we could buy a $80K 3-bedroom ranch with $3K in taxes I wouldn't have to work after our children are born. But since that is not the case I don't have much choice- unless eating is now considered a 'lifestyle' choice. Oh, my private plane is ready to jet DH and I off to Paris gotta run

Michele, that's awful that they would say that to you. Were you on the SAH/WOH debate board? I've lurked there and they can be harsh and judgemental and that's just plain wrong.

I can't believe people would be so rude.
LI is so expensive.

I was on the debate board, but I didn't realize it. I was really looking for advise on how to handle the emotional conflict of leaving a baby when I go to work. In my heart I want to be a SAHM, heck I want to be a stay-at-home wife right now, but it is just not possible. The worst part is that my DH feels sooo awful about not being able to 'provide' for me and a someday family on his own. I told him that it is just expensive to live here and I don't want to move. He would move anywhere I want to but I want to stay near my family. On the ivillage board one women told me that I was 'chosing' to live near my family instead of raising my children. I just cannot imagine living far away, without friends or family, trying to raise a family. That would be a different kind of emotional problem for me.

Michele, please don't feel bad, women that would say that to you obviously have hang ups about something in their own lives and are so narrow-minded....ugggh!
Does it make you DH feel any better knowing that most people in this part of the country have to have 2 incomes? If he sees your friends/family doing the same thing maybe he won't feel so bad. I really don't know many couples where one parent that can stay home and afford a house and other things. I'm going to do it, but I'm only going to try for a year, we also don't own a house, we're buying a small 2BR co-op, but we're going to buy another car, and I'm not sure if we can afford this and save for a house. So, I'm only looking as far as a year and we'll see what happens. Yes, I'm sacrificing a year of experience at work, pay, retirement money, etc. but DH and I like you don't want to leave my infant with daycare. He makes more $ than I do, otherwise, he might have been the one to stay home.

He knows that we are not the only 2-income couple, even both of his sisters work outside the home. I think the difference is that I had trouble leaving my kitten home and going to work And I know a baby will be 1000+ more difficult. What we are hoping for is that I am home for the first few months and that his mom can come and stay with us for a few more (she doesn't work), plus I can go part-time for a while. My best friend and my sister both offered to use their vacation time to take care of a baby when I have to go back to work. I couldn't believe their offer- I am not even pregnant yet. Thanks for the support girls.