Wedding Dress shopping drama

I wanted to get some opinions on how you girls would feel about this, because I want to make sure I am not over-reacting. But the whole situation was really hurtful to me, and what should have been a really happy time caused me to spend most of last night crying.
About 2-3 weeks ago, two of my girlfriends from OOT agreed to come down to NY and go dress shopping (for my dress) with me. My Mom was also coming, and I invited my sister (MOH) and one of my other friends (who lives 5 mins away from me). So I made an appointment for this past Sunday.
Friday morning my friend who lives 5 minutes from me, sent me a myspace message saying she forgot about the appointment and was asked to work, so she couldn't make it. Friday night I stopped by my sisters and she said she couldn't get a babysitter for my nephew so she wasn't going. Saturday night my Mom started feeling sick and she called me Sunday morning and said she couldn't go. So it wound up being me and my two girlfriends from out of town.
I was already pissed that my other friend 'forgot' and that my sister couldn't manage to find a babysitter with two weeks notice, and then my mom not coming was the icing on the cake.
When I got home my mom came up to my apartment to ask how things went. She was already fully dressed and it was apparent she wasn't feeling all that sick. I wasn't going to start with her because I didn't want to get into an argument, when she says to me 'you know you really shouldn't be taking everyone with you to go dress shopping.' That was the last straw and I started screaming at her. Because if it wasn't for my two friends who came from out of the freaking state I would have gone dress shopping by myself. Apparently that is what she wanted.
The whole situation just makes me feel like $hit and like no one gives a flying crap about this wedding. I feel like if people really wanted to go with me they would have made the effort. If two of my friends can come from MA and MD I am pretty sure that it shouldn't be hard for people who live in the state to make plans to come when I give them 2 weeks notice. I am ready to just start making appointments and going dress shopping by myself.

First...you are not alone..a lot of people go through this..

My mom made a good point when she said it's your wedding and the most important day of your life...unfortunately not everyone will feel the same and not think twice about maybe skipping some appts. etc. It does not mean they don't love you...they just don't understand the stress.

Your plan is great...keep in mind realistically you will have to go more than once...make the appts give them 3 dates to choose from and that's it no negotiations..they have to make one of them and be responsible for it.

Stay calm and remember you cannot make everyone happy and someone will ALWAYS have a comment about what you did..sooooo whatever...

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Posted by evewedsjc

First...you are not alone..a lot of people go through this..

My mom made a good point when she said it's your wedding and the most important day of your life...unfortunately not everyone will feel the same and not think twice about maybe skipping some appts. etc. It does not mean they don't love you...they just don't understand the stress.

Your plan is great...keep in mind realistically you will have to go more than once...make the appts give them 3 dates to choose from and that's it no negotiations..they have to make one of them and be responsible for it.

Stay calm and remember you cannot make everyone happy and someone will ALWAYS have a comment about what you did..sooooo whatever...

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It wasn't dress shopping for my BM's, it was dress shopping for me. I totally understand that people aren't going to make my wedding the #1 priority in their life. But if you say you are going to come then follow through. And since it was dress shopping for me, I feel like my Mom should be making every effort to come.
This was also the 2nd time I have been looking for dresses for me and my sister (MOH) didn't come to that appointment either.

you have every right to be upset....your mom and your sister should be the first to be there for you to pick your dress. I hope things get better bc this should be a happy time and a great experience, you shouldn't have to put up with BS.

I understand how you're feeling and it ***** b/c every aspect of your wedding is important and you want the ppls closest to you to be there for the experience.

Honestly, I wanted my parents and bms to be there for my dress shopping but unfortunately everyone ran into scheduling conflicts. 1 weekend i went by myself b/c my bms were all on vacation (just happened that way) and my parents were away. My FH felt bad b/c i was dress shopping alone. To be honest, i'm glad i did that b/c i was able to identify my style and not have difference of opinions to confuse me. The other 2 weeks i went w/ my bms, but this time i had found the dress and tried others....my parents were still away. The third week once i thought about it went back w/ bms and purchased the dress...guess what...my parents came in the week after. (they felt bad)

Anyhow, i told them that i hadn't purchased the dress but there was one that i liked, called the bridal salon and asked if it was ok to stage it....although my mom made me try on everything coincidently, she picked out the same dress and was in tears...I gave them the experience.

In short, don't feel bad...its ok to do things on your own...it ***** when ppl are all of a sudden unavailable...but it happens.

Good luck

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Posted by Dr Meg

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Posted by evewedsjc

First...you are not alone..a lot of people go through this..

My mom made a good point when she said it's your wedding and the most important day of your life...unfortunately not everyone will feel the same and not think twice about maybe skipping some appts. etc. It does not mean they don't love you...they just don't understand the stress.

Your plan is great...keep in mind realistically you will have to go more than once...make the appts give them 3 dates to choose from and that's it no negotiations..they have to make one of them and be responsible for it.

Stay calm and remember you cannot make everyone happy and someone will ALWAYS have a comment about what you did..sooooo whatever...

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It wasn't dress shopping for my BM's, it was dress shopping for me. I totally understand that people aren't going to make my wedding the #1 priority in their life. But if you say you are going to come then follow through. And since it was dress shopping for me, I feel like my Mom should be making every effort to come.
This was also the 2nd time I have been looking for dresses for me and my sister (MOH) didn't come to that appointment either.

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Your mom should at the very least be there!!
Just let her know calmly how important it is that she makes it and the next appt is imperative..

I thought it was BM dresses b/c your OOT BM were there...sorry..

Well, I agree that your Mom at least should have gone. I understand that friends forget, or something they feel is better might comes along..I mean, it would be nice if they came, and I would be upset if they were supposed to, and then didn't. But shiit happens, and sometimes they can't make it. But the Mom thing would really have upset me.

I would suggest you talk to your Mom and let her know how hurt you are. Maybe she's not sure exactly what her role is. When I mentioned dress shopping to my Mom, she said no, you go with your friends, I have no place there. I was like are you kidding me?? Of course you have a place there. I feel like when it comes to my wedding, she's not sure what she should/shouldn't do, and maybe she doesn't want to step on toes.

So it could be the same situation with your mom...or not. Talk to her and let her know how u feel, and see how she is feeling too.

But I completely understand why you are frustrated.

I'm soo sorry you went through this I totally would've been upset. Talk to your mom and let her know especially her how her not being there made you feel. She in the very least should've been the person there.

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Posted by evewedsjc

First...you are not alone..a lot of people go through this..

My mom made a good point when she said it's your wedding and the most important day of your life...unfortunately not everyone will feel the same and not think twice about maybe skipping some appts. etc. It does not mean they don't love you...they just don't understand the stress.

Your plan is great...keep in mind realistically you will have to go more than once...make the appts give them 3 dates to choose from and that's it no negotiations..they have to make one of them and be responsible for it.

Stay calm and remember you cannot make everyone happy and someone will ALWAYS have a comment about what you did..sooooo whatever...

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Excellent advice sweetie! So glad I chose you to be BOTW

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Posted by FutureMrsPrado

Well, I agree that your Mom at least should have gone. I understand that friends forget, or something they feel is better might comes along..I mean, it would be nice if they came, and I would be upset if they were supposed to, and then didn't. But shiit happens, and sometimes they can't make it. But the Mom thing would really have upset me.

I would suggest you talk to your Mom and let her know how hurt you are. Maybe she's not sure exactly what her role is. When I mentioned dress shopping to my Mom, she said no, you go with your friends, I have no place there. I was like are you kidding me?? Of course you have a place there. I feel like when it comes to my wedding, she's not sure what she should/shouldn't do, and maybe she doesn't want to step on toes.

So it could be the same situation with your mom...or not. Talk to her and let her know how u feel, and see how she is feeling too.

But I completely understand why you are frustrated.

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I think my Mom is pretty clear how upset I was from when we spoke last night. I was in tears and said to her 'what am I supposed to go dress shopping by myself?'
She knows her role in all of this. She went with my sister to all of her dress appointments, as did I as her MOH. I guess that's why it hurt so much, because she did it for my sister and I did it for my sister and I would expect the same in return.
I think what it boils down to was that she was mad I was including other people in the process. And so, she acted like a child and decided she wouldn't go. However, I value my friends opinions (as well as my Moms) and when they offered to come to NY to help me shop I wasn't going to say no. They are the only two people who have shown any excitement about this wedding at all. Additionally my Mom has been already talking about how she wants to find and order her dress, and I told her I would prefer if we found a dress for me first. She has this habit about making everything about her, and since she discovered I am not going to let her do this with my wedding (my sister let her run a lot of things for her wedding) she's being spiteful in return.
I think I am going to call Bridal Reflections tonight and make another appointment for next week and just go by myself.

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Posted by Dr Meg

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Posted by FutureMrsPrado

Well, I agree that your Mom at least should have gone. I understand that friends forget, or something they feel is better might comes along..I mean, it would be nice if they came, and I would be upset if they were supposed to, and then didn't. But shiit happens, and sometimes they can't make it. But the Mom thing would really have upset me.

I would suggest you talk to your Mom and let her know how hurt you are. Maybe she's not sure exactly what her role is. When I mentioned dress shopping to my Mom, she said no, you go with your friends, I have no place there. I was like are you kidding me?? Of course you have a place there. I feel like when it comes to my wedding, she's not sure what she should/shouldn't do, and maybe she doesn't want to step on toes.

So it could be the same situation with your mom...or not. Talk to her and let her know how u feel, and see how she is feeling too.

But I completely understand why you are frustrated.

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I think my Mom is pretty clear how upset I was from when we spoke last night. I was in tears and said to her 'what am I supposed to go dress shopping by myself?'
She knows her role in all of this. She went with my sister to all of her dress appointments, as did I as her MOH. I guess that's why it hurt so much, because she did it for my sister and I did it for my sister and I would expect the same in return.
I think what it boils down to was that she was mad I was including other people in the process. And so, she acted like a child and decided she wouldn't go. However, I value my friends opinions (as well as my Moms) and when they offered to come to NY to help me shop I wasn't going to say no. They are the only two people who have shown any excitement about this wedding at all. Additionally my Mom has been already talking about how she wants to find and order her dress, and I told her I would prefer if we found a dress for me first. She has this habit about making everything about her, and since she discovered I am not going to let her do this with my wedding (my sister let her run a lot of things for her wedding) she's being spiteful in return.
I think I am going to call Bridal Reflections tonight and make another appointment for next week and just go by myself.

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Wow. That sux. I am sorry you are going thru this...I don't know what else to say.

i would be upset too. Honestly though, I went by myself last weekend, and it was soooo relaxing and no stress, lol. And I didn't have everyone's opinions flying at me.

I am pretty sure I found THE dress, so I'm bringing my mom in with me next weekend to show her and then hopefully order it!!

although bringing people is fun, sometimes going by yourself is actually easier...

but I would've been upset if that were my mom and sister too.

this is why i took FH my mother is in florida so i made a trip to visit her and we were supposed to go while i was in florida visiting but she got 'sick' and we had to cancel - i was pretty disappointed and mad - she still hasnt seen me try on any wedding dresses let alone the one i bought but thats her loss - my FMIL FSIL and best friend all got to see me in my dress try not to let it get to you!