Wedding gift etiquette question

AMGBride2008 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:08 PM

Wedding gift etiquette question

One of FH's college house mates is getting married next weekend in Vermont. We were sent the 'invitation' sometime in the middle of the summer and of course RSVPed yes (I put invitation in quotes because to give you a little description of the invite... when I saw it sitting on the kitchen table, I thought it was a 'congrats on your engagment' card. It was a basic Hallmark card that had all the wedding details printed inside with no response card. We had to RSVP to either the bride or groom's cell phone).
The ceremony is on a Friday night and that is private, we're invited to the party/reception the following day, Saturday. My question is, they're registered at BBB, and since it's such a low-key affair (bascially one of our friends called the groom to ask what the atire was and he was told jeans... ) would it be wrong to get them something off of their registry as a gift from us? I usually like to give a monetary gift rather than something off the registry, but truthfully this will be our like 6th wedding this summer and we have to travel and stay in a hotel and for us it would be cheaper to go the registry route. I guess my question is... is this appropriate, inappropriate... dare I say tacky???
TIA

NovemberBride06 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:14 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

I definitely think you can give them a gift off the registry and it would not be tacky. I've heard that it is very common to give non-monetary wedding gifts at out of state weddings anyway.

Tiggeruth Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:15 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

Well, I think you can either give them a gift from their registry or just give them the equivelent in cash, they will know how much you spent on the item anyway.

moonlitee Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:17 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

My FH's family is from NC and I have learned that people down here think it is appalling to give monetary gifts. So I think something off their registry is fine. Apparently it's only in NY that people give you $$$ for the wedding

MandG072909 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:20 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

Definitely OK...we live in VA and had our wedding was on LI and good portion of our friends who traveled gave us gifts off of our registry (send directly to our home though which I think is key)....I think wedding gift etiquette varies both by region and by family background so whatever you'd prefer will be fine...and if they don't think so, they don't deserve anything anyway!!!!

irishsweetheart Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:22 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

In this situation I think it would be perfectly okay to give a gift from the registry especially since it is out of state and low key.

NY031978 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:26 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

Posted by moonlitee

My FH's family is from NC and I have learned that people down here think it is appalling to give monetary gifts. So I think something off their registry is fine. Apparently it's only in NY that people give you $$$ for the wedding

i noticed here as well in NC....they give gifts from their registry more than $$$. i think you are safe doing that!

AMGBride2008 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:27 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

Thanks ladies, I think I just needed the go-ahead from everyone!

LuvMyAlfonse Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:33 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

Posted by MandG072909

Definitely OK...we live in VA and had our wedding was on LI and good portion of our friends who traveled gave us gifts off of our registry (send directly to our home though which I think is key)....I think wedding gift etiquette varies both by region and by family background so whatever you'd prefer will be fine...and if they don't think so, they don't deserve anything anyway!!!!

I completely agree. And I too think a registry gift is fine.

iffy Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:50 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

registry....ny weddings are unlike weddings anywhere else..

my jaw was on the floor when I went to a wedding in Missippi - you'd lyao if I told you about that one.

Point is, weddings on long island are over the top, to say the least - but I DO LOVE THEM!

For this one, send a gift to the brides house, wear your jeans, eat the chips & dip, get your beer out of the cooler & have a great time!

MJDoc12 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:52 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

skip the moolah--and get a registry gift.

i feel like in NY everyone gives $$...but most of the time outside NY--it's a gift

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Sep 12, 2006 03:52 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

I think a registry gift would be appropriate in this situation.

libby2595 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 04:07 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

Posted by iffy

registry....ny weddings are unlike weddings anywhere else..

my jaw was on the floor when I went to a wedding in Missippi - you'd lyao if I told you about that one.

Point is, weddings on long island are over the top, to say the least - but I DO LOVE THEM!

For this one, send a gift to the brides house, wear your jeans, eat the chips & dip, get your beer out of the cooler & have a great time!

yes... well, ny in general. and although i'm not in ny right now, my family still has the ny-mentality.

go and have a great time in your jeans!!

waterspout4 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 04:16 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

Gifts are the norm at out of state weddings, and even upstate weddings. Yes, I was raised to think monetary gifts were tacky to give at weddings. (Boy, did I grow out of that!!)

BUT....... proper etiquette states that you are supposed to ship the gift to the house and not bring it to the wedding. The bride and groom are not supposed to worry about the transport of gifts on their wedding day. (However, you'll still see that a bunch bring it) Wait! Did you say the reception was at the house? I guess then it's alright to bring the gift there instead of shipping it. I hope this helps.

October Bliss Posted: Sep 12, 2006 04:19 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

IMHO, a registry gift sounds appropriate for the type of wedding this particular couple is having.

cherryj24 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 04:20 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

I got gifts off my registry for the wedding and I didn't mind at all.

6969on91206 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 04:23 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

Posted by NovemberBride06

I definitely think you can give them a gift off the registry and it would not be tacky. I've heard that it is very common to give non-monetary wedding gifts at out of state weddings anyway.

THAT and it's also 'customary' to consider your cost for attending the wedding in how much you spend on the gift as well. [point behind that being if you spent $2k to attend/be in a wedding, you shouldnt' feel obligated to give the same, for kicks we'll use a big number, $1k gift as aunt mary who drove across town. ]

snydl40 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 05:03 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

I definetly think a registry gift is appropriate here.

Tracyann1976 Posted: Sep 12, 2006 09:46 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

Registry is fine. Went to a wedding upstate about a month ago and they received mostly gifts.

cuteauburnininny Posted: Sep 12, 2006 09:47 PM

Re: Wedding gift etiquette question

Posted by NovemberBride06

I definitely think you can give them a gift off the registry and it would not be tacky. I've heard that it is very common to give non-monetary wedding gifts at out of state weddings anyway.

i agree and i heard that too about out od state wedding they give gifts