My mom has been making the whole wedding experience very unenjoyable for me. When we went to look at dresses, she told me if I wanted anyone else to go with us that they could pay for it. I really wanted my FMIL to be there as well as my FSIL. When we finally looked at dresses, she pretty much rushed me out of there and did not negotiate the price at all, which drove me crazy.
Anyway, now I'm looking at jewelry and decided on a particular Maria Elena piece I want. She says she does not like and and is insisting I look at some other piece she likes. Also, I want to wear my glasses on my wedding day and she keeps insisting that I not wear them. It's driving me crazy! This is my wedding, not hers.
mattandjess2013
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Wedding VENT - opinionated mother
I was going through something similar with my mother in the beginning. I had a talk with her and told her that if she didn't stop I wasn't going to tell her anything or let her be involved. She was great after that.
Afranny
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Re: Wedding VENT - opinionated mother
AWWW!!! This is what sometimes happens. You need to just take a breath and just do what makes u happy. Its hard but thats what Ive been doin !! Good luck!
adele and mark 2013
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Re: Wedding VENT - opinionated mother
Posted by mattandjess2013
I was going through something similar with my mother in the beginning. I had a talk with her and told her that if she didn't stop I wasn't going to tell her anything or let her be involved. She was great after that.
I had the same experience with my mother at first too. She's very sensitive about this whole thing because her mother died before she got married and she was unable to do the whole wedding planning with your mother thing. Also, I'm the oldest and first to get married (my sister is 3 years younger and possibly right behind me but her experience will be very different than mine). Every step of the way she was upset. My parents are helping A LOT with the cost of the wedding and FHs father has very rarely mentioned financial help. She's thrown the money thing in my face too. She was becoming very resentful towards my FH and I was afraid of telling her anything because she would get an attitude and say nasty things about him. I was torn. I wanted her to be involved but I wanted to preserve her relationship with her future son in law and I needed to stand by him too (which was sometimes hard when all he'd be concerned about was the bill and not my dream. A happy compromise is very important.) She and I had words a few times, we cried, but I had to be honest with her. Fortunately, she and my father are retired and travel frequently. It makes it hard to schedule things. but sometimes it's nice to do things on your own and get a break from her. Be honest with your mother. Hopefully she will understand and back off a bit. If she doesn't, you've got to set your own boundaries. You're 100% right, it's your wedding. You don't want to be stressed during the planning and you deserve your dream. I'm sure it includes your mother, but if she keeps behaving like this, it'll put a big rift in your relationship and you won't enjoy her on your day. Hope this helps a bit, at least to know you're not alone. Good Luck.
mara1017
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Wedding VENT - opinionated mother
I had issues with my mom wanting to make decisions about the wedding and make me do what she wanted. I told her that if she did not stop I was not going to tell her anything and she would not be involved at all. So that she had to back off or not be involved.
She did back off.
I also have to mention that she was not paying for the wedding. Unfortuantly if your mom is paying for the wedding she does have a say (she should not dictate but you cant say I am not going to tell you anything)
McC2McM
Posted:
Member since
Wedding VENT - opinionated mother
KathleenAnne, I am both a mother of a married daughter and a bride-to-be (myself). Your response to your mom should be based on the relationship you've had with her to this point. If this behavior seems somewhat out of whack with the relationship you've had to this point, be patient with her and find out what the real issue is. As a mom, I can tell you it's bittersweet to see your baby getting married and moving on to a life where someone else will be the most significant person to them. I think my daughter would tell you I was the perfect mom in all respects when it came to her wedding (and so was her MIL). The day after the wedding, I was so sad because my home no longer held all my 'babies'. The marriage meant change for her, but it also meant a change for me - and that took some adjustment. Maybe your mom is feeling sad about losing you and doesn't even know it herself... it's just coming out like anger. I'm happy to say that although my daughter no longer lives in my home, I count her among my best friends. She is just a delight and I love hanging out with her, shopping, etc. Maybe your mom needs to see that this doesn't mean the end of your relationship with her - you'll still need her and want to have a relationship after the wedding. I'm hoping everything works out for you!
